2778tired, sad, sore, depressed

[evile]

Jan. 3, 2005

 

sore throat & snot. the allergy module on Yahoo said everything is
good, but Sweetie and Apple both mentioned cedar fever. My eyes are fine,
sinuses clear, but sore throat & congestion in my throat. deleted the
allergy module. fuckin' thing.

tired. sick of being here--work, home, planet earth, this body--
wherever here is, I don't want to be here.

read _The Loving Dominant_ and working on _SM 101_, realizing it's a
lot of work, and I lack initiative & budget to do it right, so I am
not going to do it at all.

thinking of the scene in _Beloved_(?) where the slavers come for the
woman and she kills her kids rather than let them be taken into
slavery. Feeling that way towards Sineater & Brother A. Kill rubber_pig and the
boob, kill Brother A and Sineater, kill myself. sad sad sad.

213 lbs.

tired, bored and alone pretty much the whole weekend. same for the
rest of my year, the rest of my life.

Tired of this.