2764mom & stepdad here

Dec. 28, 2004

 

 

they called about 9:30 to say they'd be here around noon, so I went
to the grocery store & made lunch. Mom was happy to be here, but
apparently she and stepdad had a spat on the way so there was tension
from that. We ate lunch, Sweetie called and my cell died, and then stepdad
wanted to buy me a new phone, and the only T Mobile place in the
phone book was in Barton Creek Mall. (turns out there was one in
highland mall, but oh well)

We went to the mall, got the phone, and then started wandering. stepdad
got bored pretty quick & we decided to meet in the food court in an
hour. Mom & I wandered in Nordstrom and I confessed that I was pretty
beat, and shopped out, and so we went to the food court and sat down.

Had a pretty bad case of 'talking and can't shut up' where I said
ugly things about the breeder-privilege at work, and bashed on Rubber_pig,
and my usual ugly shit, and I guess it upset Mom. She went to bed
early. stepdad and I stayed up and he told me basically 'you have the
right to your opinion, but you voice it too sharply and it alienates
your mom so shut up'...

Rubber_pig is threatening my family. I don't know how I can not be
viciously angry at her for fucking my brother over and guilt tripping
an using my mom, and trying to guilt trip and use Aunt L, Uncle B, and
stepdad.

stepdad objects to the idea of getting the kid or kids, says he doesn't
want to have the job of raising another kid at his age, but also
resigned to it, having planned it out to the extent that he says he
will insist on getting legal guardianship so they'll have medical
coverage.

At least this isn't a deal breaker, and he doesn't sound like he's
going to leave Mom if she ends up being stuck with the fetus & the
existing kids (who are NOT NOT NOT ours, legally or biologically, or
any other way!)

stepdad says I need to tell my mom how I feel--that she wasn't there for
me when my ovary went bad (not my choice and not my fault, BTW) but
is chucking her whole existence to be there for Brother A, the Pig, and
the fetus (their choice and their fault) and how that offends me. He
says I need to tell her how I feel so that she will know and possibly
be able to 'make it right'. Well...a) it's in the past and done,
there is no way to fix it and b) an apology isn't goign to do it, I
don't think. What would satisfy me is if she did NOT continue the
preferential behavior towards Brother A, Pig, and Fetus. And I know that's
not going to happen, because Mom has bought the guilt trip and she
likes babies anyway. Not my fuckin' fault that an encysted ovary
isn't as cuddly as a squalling fuckfruit.

Anyway...bleh. I can't wait for my sweetie to come home and
truthfully, for them to be gone. Mom, if she's offended enough, will
go stay with Aunt L & Uncle B. I honestly would rather not spend time with
her.

 

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2767work suckin, Krabby the coworker being a tinpot dictator

• Dec. 28, 2004

   

  work continues.
  
  it's an accurate reflection of life at large in that I do well and
  get nothing, but then again I do poorly and don't get anything.
  
  On a macro level, some live life with no immediate consequence and a
  hope for a reward in the beyond, by some big scorekeeper in the sky
  who actually cares.
  
  On a micro level, I have to do what satisfies my work ethic, even if
  it doesn't get me any external reward.