evile: hi, whenever you're back at the keyboard. :)
SkyeDS: hola! what's up?
evile: Just workin'. Not very hard, though! :P
SkyeDS: lol <looks guilty> was just vegetating and pondering the many
things that I should have already done today.
evile: I know that feeling.
evile: Hopefully you're recovered from your Xmas ordeal?
SkyeDS: the migraine is under control although I haven't had one that
bad in recent memory. the fever is still coming and going. So
today, I must venture forth back out into humanity again.
evile: Yucko. Well, don't over-do. Just do what you can & don't
stress about what doesn't get done--it'll still be there tomorrow :)
SkyeDS: when I was little I wanted to be Scarlett OHara when I grew
up. One of her trademark sayings was "I'll think about that
tomorrow."
evile: hee. exactly!
SkyeDS: was San Antonio fun? I would have liked to have heard them
play, but sineater says you left before that anyway. I remember that one
time that they let me join them.
evile: San Antonio was ... okay. Nobody told us it was black tie or
equivalent, so we were all terribly underdressed & I was *very*
uncomfortable. Hadn't seen anyone in a long time, so I didn't
recognize many people and they didn't recognize me. Nice house. Good
food & drinks. But a big crowd of strangers is not my thing.
SkyeDS: I'm not claustrophobic physically like most of my kind, but I
do get claustrophobic in big crowds when they are in small areas.
SkyeDS: the black tie thing would have really bugged me too
evile: yeah. Not a fan of crowds, or of being underdressed. Oh well.
Hopefully it wasn't an omen of how 2004 will be :P
SkyeDS: have to admit I'm happy to see the holidays behind me.
evile: Me too.
SkyeDS: I've been given a contract with IBM working on nationally
known litigation, and I just want to *get going*, move forward, etc.
evile: Yeah. Hanging around in a holding pattern is boring.
SkyeDS: it has been nice to have a few days to decompress though
evile: Yeah. I'm looking forward to a bit of that this weekend. I
love my family, and I've loved having _EVerybody_ here, but I have
missed my 'me time' & I'm feeling frazzled.
SkyeDS: frazzled bad, me time good <nods>
evile: yup. Hopefully the rest of January will be pretty quiet.
SkyeDS: used some of my me time to come to a couple of what I see as
important conclusions -- although sticking to them will be torture,
until they become habit.
evile: Yeah. Good habits are hard to obtain and keep. Bad habits are
so easy. *sigh!*
SkyeDS: sometimes when you go into a music/piano store, the $17 - 30K
pianos have "Do Not Touch/Play" signs on them
SkyeDS: I have decided to locate all the buttons that Family likes to
use for purposes of manipulation, and put "Do Not Touch/Play" signs
on.
SkyeDS: definitely file under "easier said than done", I know...
evile: I don't think I'd drop that kind of cash without hearing the
tone of the instrument first... :P But I do see your point. It's
hard to establish boundaries with family.
SkyeDS: lol. well, to be invited to play upon said instrument, if
you are like me not forward enough to ask, then like me you sit down
to another instrument and mess around until the salesperson says, I'd
like to hear what you can do with *this* and removes the sign.
evile: hee. Yup. Family patterns are very engrained--it's hard not to
fall into the same behavior time and again, even though everyone is
now adults & stuff.
SkyeDS: they always manage to turn me into a recalcitrant five year
old again. I know this is because I allow it to happen, but knowing
that, and stopping it, is like knowing my heart is beating, and
stopping it.
evile: *nods*
SkyeDS: but anyway, whatever sauce serves the goose will also serve
the gander. So, will fight fire with fire. I don't like it, but I
guess I don't really have to. So they will just have to get
accustomed to "because I want/don't want to" as a perfectly valid
reason for doing/not doing something, and it not being open to debate
(which is different than negotiation, at least in my dictionary, if
not in theirs).
evile: Exactly.
SkyeDS: And, in same fashion, NO is not open for debate either. Up
until now, when they say no, or give a reason, it's not open for
discussion, but when I say no, or give reasons, they get discussed,
debated, dissected, and then I get told that I don't want to
compromise and that I"m selfish, by people who are trying to get
their own way themselves. surprise surprise surprise.
SkyeDS: and I'm sorry but I'm 33 going on 34 now, and I really don't
care to be woken up at 5 am to be told by 6:30 how to eat my eggs and
what to wear. That sounds very silly, I know, but after a week....
evile: lordy. I would have gone postal.
SkyeDS: it wouldn't have been so bad, if I hadn't been up all night
every night coughing. The cough syrup never started working until
like 4 or 5 in the morning, which is not conducive to waking up again
and eating breakfast at 6:30.
evile: yuck.
SkyeDS: the migraine is because I didn't go postal.
evile: yeah...all that energy has to go somewhere....that sucks.
evile: Hopefully the fact that they pushed the buttons and you kept
yourself from blowing up, will make them realize that you're a
grownup and they don't need to treat you like a kid anymore. So,
hopefully you've laid some paving for good relations next time you
spend time in Texarkana.
SkyeDS: while I was at my sister's home, after I had finished sobbing
uncharacteristically and was veging on her couch watching a very
funny comedy CD (Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy and
(somebody) Engvall, two more of her friends came over and I listened
to them talk about their family travails.
SkyeDS: some people have worse family problems than we do, after all
evile: Perspective is always helpful--everybody's family is crazy in
some way :)
SkyeDS: yes, and we should be thankful that we live far enough away
to be able to pick up, go home, and have me time with geographical
distance.
evile: yup :)
SkyeDS: something else I've begun to figure is that I don't see why
we have to avail ourselves of the dubious hospitality of the family
hotel when we visit.
SkyeDS: as you have often aptly remarked, your own motel room is a
good thing.
evile: Absolutely. I find quiet time alone to be absolutely essential
to my well being. And you just don't get that when you're staying in
somebody's house.
SkyeDS: nodnodnods. I wonder then why both my family and his (more
specifically MIL) gets so hyper when we want to stay somewhere
else.
evile: I don't really get that...but Aunt L is the same way. *shrug*
SkyeDS: that creates a serious lose lose you know
SkyeDS: Arthur and/or the horses are hard to accommodate.
evile: right.
SkyeDS: easy to accommodate if I'm allowed a hotel room or to camp
but then everyone gets upset
SkyeDS: and certainly having to accommodate Arthur and/or the horses
also gets them upset.
evile: exactly.
SkyeDS: sineater said someone had her horses parked in front of Lamar's
house, and that Sister H thought Lamar would not be pleased, lol.
evile: Actually, the horse-owner herself was giggling over how Lamar
was going to "shit" when he saw the horses out front. Not sure why
one would wish to upset such a fine host, but she was very amused. I
assume she did not bring the animals specifically to make
Lamar "shit" but was on her way from point a to point b and had them
with her.
SkyeDS: I know that I have many eccentricities and weirdnesses,
particularly when I take the children on travels, and I am more than
happy not to inflict those weirdnesses on others, and if I had my own
hotel room/campsite, then no one deals with my weirdnesses but me.
<shrug>
SkyeDS: I would hope she didn't.
evile: I hope they didn't freak too bad at midnight when everyone
sets off illegal fireworks in the streets & whatnot.
SkyeDS: ditto
evile: They didn't seem skittish, but they were _very_ alert to what
was going on around them. More curious than scared, but loud bangs
are not good when you're *really* paying attention to all the
unfamiliar things around you
SkyeDS: they will always react differently to stimulus when confined
in a trailer than when in a more open confinement too.
SkyeDS: and if they were thoroughbreds as sineater thought, which makes
them hotbloods as opposed to warms or colds, then they could be more
high strung in general (although is not always teh case, Mirage is a
hot blood but not a hot head)
SkyeDS: but Mirage can be awfully silly about being scared
evile: I'll ask Sister H when I see her next. She's at her dad's, not
feeling well :( We were supposed to get her the 1st & 2nd. And her
plane leaves tomorrow.
SkyeDS: Her dad is stressful to Sister H no?
evile: Absolutely.
SkyeDS: I need to make a phone call so I'll be right back
evile: OK
SkyeDS: back :)
evile: cool.
evile: I'm counting the minutes until I get to go home. Today has
been a complete waste of time.
SkyeDS: go home soon no?
evile: 4:30. Not soon enough!!
SkyeDS: I just have to get to the newspaper office sufficiently
before 5 pm
evile: That's not so bad :)
SkyeDS: I could push a trip to the bank but it's really not necessary
today, and I actually can do that tomorrow since I'll be in town.
evile: Most banks have Saturday hours now, which is nice.
SkyeDS: University Federal CU has taken pretty good care of us over
the years. Only been aggravated with one of their people once that I
can remember
evile: That's a very good record!
SkyeDS: nods. sometimes I can be easily annoyed.
evile: With service industry type stuff, I don't expect anyone to
kiss my ass but I do expect politeness & a certain amount of speed in
seeing to my needs. A lot of banks seem to get snotty when you expect
that kind of thing. Sweetie & I closed our joint account over some
snottiness with First State bank.
SkyeDS: this radio show I listen to every once in a while, the host
calls customer service "No Customer Service"
evile: It's a vanishing art, really
evile: I don't see why anyone would work in a job where they deal
with the public unless they knew they could do it well. Otherwise,
it's just torture for everyone.
SkyeDS: the addage about flies honey and vinegar comes to mind
evile: Yup. I guess it's just that people burn out and don't change
careers like they should when they are burned out. When I burned out
on customer service at Bookstop, thank goodness they had a night
stocker job available, or it would have gotten ugly.
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: paralegal doesn't need CS skills to quite the extent that a
legal secretary does. although I will in the ibm position, not for
outside customers, but dealing with the leagues upon leagues of
programmers
SkyeDS: legal secretaries have to have CS skills usually to make up
for the lack of them in paralegals and even moreso in some attorneys.
evile: That will be a challenge unto itself :) Thank goodness you can
at least fake like you speak "geek"
evile: J-Law has no problem with clients & the public, she really hates
dealing with a couple of the partners in the firm.
SkyeDS: some paralegals deal with people quite frequently, and need
people skills, and some are almost always sequestered doing stuff on
their own.
SkyeDS: I would not want to be in her shoes.
evile: I think law is a little different than most fields. Some of
the people within the company are the 'problem customers' and the
high maintenance diva types.
SkyeDS: everyone thought Tom was a high maintenance diva. having
worked for many, I don't think they recognize one when they see one.
there certainly are lots of them in law firms.
SkyeDS: why my love/hate affair with law firms. I love the work. I
have loved some of my attorneys. But the interpersonal political
culture...
evile: Office politics are so tedious to me. Some people just love to
stir the pot & make drama, but I just want to do my damn job and go
home.
SkyeDS: me too. and that is very hard to cultivate in a law firm
(I'm sure J-Law has said)
SkyeDS: and I am not a radical militant feminazi as you know
(although I am a feminist by the dictionary definition of the word),
but it is a provable fact that women attorneys still have it harder
than male attorneys
evile: yup. I guess it would be different if all the politics &
backbiting would get me a raise or a promotion, like it does in the
private sector. But here...there is no benefit to it and it just
makes people feel bad.
SkyeDS: I interviewed some months back with an attorney that started
out at the TWC.
evile: Most professional women still get the shaft. Sad but true.
evile: Many of the hearing officers are recent JD graduates.
SkyeDS: he left because of the politics which I assume is why Aunt L
retired when we all thought she would have to be pried out of her
chair with a crowbar to be buried...
evile: The new exec. director apparently has a very different
philosophy about what we're here for, and Aunt L could not enforce his
policies with a clear conscience.
SkyeDS: and she is the epitome of the career woman. talk about rock
and hard place. very hard on her. very admirable.
evile: I still find it amusing that they had to hire 3 people to do
what she did.
SkyeDS: omfg...3....
evile: they also did not want to have 1 person with as much authority
as Aunt L had, so that was another reason to split the position.
SkyeDS: mmm brings to mind the triumvirate situation that
began "Julius Caesar"...
evile: hee.
SkyeDS: that ended badly if I remember correctly <grin>
evile: just a tad.
SkyeDS: will be interesting to see how long it takes (if ever) for
all that power to end up back in one position again (as it did with
the Caesars)
SkyeDS: and Augustus' Pax Romana was a good thing (= Pax Aunt L) but it
went downhill after that and never recovered.
evile: I think before that happens, the state budget will take
another dive and they'll consolidate a bunch of agencies again, re-
org the re-org and who knows what Aunt L's 1-to-3 job will become?
SkyeDS: sineater is suffering the after effects of one reorg after
another (tiger teams and such)
SkyeDS: I think that word is as dreaded as I dread the
word "overqualified"
evile: indeed. And while some people just have more & more duties
assigned to them for same/less pay, some people get these really
cushy figurehead jobs that involved doing nothing and getting paid a
lot. I don't quite understand that.
SkyeDS: would love one of those jobs no? get paid by the taxpayers
to sit around on the phone with the guy/gal of your choice under your
desk applying their strong oral communication skills?
SkyeDS: phone, with = phone, while
evile: Unfortunately, I have a work ethic & stuff. I'd actually feel
bad about robbing the taxpayers or something.
SkyeDS: if I can't convince IBM to keep me around after the trial is
over, I'm going to hang out my shingles to do readings, and teach
riding and train horses again.
evile: That would be cool.
evile: It's good to have a plan, either way.
SkyeDS: maybe with the horses it will be mostly riding instructions
and not training
evile: IBM is so large, it's probably almost as bad as working for
the state, as far as bureaucracy & whatnot. But the benefits are
probably still pretty good.
SkyeDS: training is frustrating on so many levels. you work with
horses you end up wanting to keep and can't, you work on problems
that people created, and then you spend six days fixing a poor
horse's problem, and then people won't listen, and they undo six days
of work in six hours. It's a prozac and zestril business.
evile: Yeah. I don't think I could deal with the people side of the
horse training business.
SkyeDS: IBM is prestigious, so the family would be happy, there would
be benefits, haven't had health insurance at all since Dell laid sineater
off.
evile: That would be a nice plus. I know it stresses Sweetie out not to
have health insurance.
SkyeDS: I'm surprised he isn't on yours.
evile: We aren't married, so that would be fraud. They just did a big
fraud crackdown here at work. I'd rather max out my plastic at the ER
if Sweetie needed it than go to jail for fraud.
SkyeDS: duh
SkyeDS: stupid witch
SkyeDS: = I knew that, but wasn't thinking
evile: Apparently it's been a huge problem with State employees. Sad.
SkyeDS: I won't get on my soapbox although this is one fo my pets. I
wish Government (Fed State and otherwise) would either recognize all
domestic contracts or none.
evile: a lot of private corporations are going to 'domestic partner'
coverage.
SkyeDS: bout time.
SkyeDS: you know, the Chief Justice of the Australian Supreme Court
has had the same partner for more than 30 years of his life. I'd say
that's a domestic contract, there are marriages that don't last that
long.
SkyeDS: (same sex partner, I forgot to note)
evile: I don't think the state of health care in this country is
going to be able to continue for too much longer. Too topheavy.
evile: Australia is cool about some stuff. Not so cool about others
(gun control, immigration, childfree issues)
SkyeDS: what would help is if the charges for people without
insurance were as low as the charges for the insurance companies
SkyeDS: I don't know anything about Australia except that one thing
evile: I wish I could just go to the Dr. and do like my insurance co.
does: "You charge $100 for this, I'll pay ya $30 and you can eat the
rest, okay?"
SkyeDS: exactly!
evile: Hell, maybe we could cut out teh middle man "You charge $100,
my insurance co will only pay you $30, how 'bout I pay you $40 and we
both win?"
SkyeDS: doctors used to get paid whatever their clients could afford
to give them in barter - milk, eggs, chickens, cows, etc
evile: Which is probably still less hassle than filing claims with
insurance companies.
SkyeDS: watched this movie you would have liked maybe bout health
care issues - Denzel Washington's "John Q.
evile: They showed that nonstop on our cruise. I never watched it all
the way through. Not good vacation viewing!
SkyeDS: I wouldn't have wanted to see it on vacation, sheesh!
evile: no s#it! I'd flip the channels, find that, turn off the TV &
be like "f- that, let's go get a drink!"
SkyeDS: the problem with John Q is that people saw it and started
clamoring for nationalized health care, which Im not sure would
work either
SkyeDS: what would work is if they charged us privately what they
charge insurance companies and let us take care of ourselves.
evile: Or if people were allowed to form health care 'collectives'
and get the kind of deals for their group that the insurance
companies now enjoy.
SkyeDS: like teh big corps self insure you mean
SkyeDS: I think these Medical Savings Accounts (like IRAs except for
medical) are a good idea if theyre structured right too - another
method of self insurance
evile: childfree womens' collective, nonsmoking under 40 males
collective, etc. Find some way to pay for what you actually need &
use, rahter than the hard living & bad choices of other demographics.
SkyeDS: you should seek office :)
evile: I'm not nearly crooked & evil enough! :P
SkyeDS: thats another problem. nobody whod be good at it is
stupid enough to want to do it.
evile: bingo!
SkyeDS: no Statesmen anymore, no Jeffersons, Franklins, Emersons or
Thoreaus. Just politicians that are hard to distinguish from
criminals.
SkyeDS: a Statesman couldnt get elected now if s/he tried
evile: Nope, because they are real-people, not crooks with PR people.
SkyeDS: all of the worlds Empires eventually have fallen. I wonder
how much longer it will take until ours does.
evile: I imagine we'll see it in our lifetime. Unless it is not in
the interest of global peace, in which case other nations will sneak
in and prop things up behind the scenes to keep us from collapsing
(kind of like we did with Japan a few years ago)
SkyeDS: Rhett Butler observed that there is more money to be made in
the destruction of an empire than in the building of one. but,
destruction scares me. I am one of the ants who wants to see the
grasshoppers fall, but destruction still scares me. And, Jefferson
said that we cannot expect to be transported to liberty on a feather
mattress.
evile: I think the US has its fingers in too many pies & would take
down too much of the world with them if we fell. So...unless we
really screw up, the rest of the world isn't going to let us fall too
far.
SkyeDS: Robin Williams made a funny joke about Canada being like a
loft apartment over a great party. lol.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: poor selfish me, I dont want much, just to have my horses
and my birds, my music and my books, and for everyone to just get
along - or leave each other alone if they cant.
evile: Robin Williams can be funny. I wasn't so crazy about the 'new
father' jokes, but he seems to have gotten that out of his system &
back to the funny now.
SkyeDS: I havent heard the new father jokes. Ive only seen his
stage concert stuff once, the Broadway 2K.
evile: I think he went through the new dad jokes right after he
divorced his wife and ran off & spawned with the nanny. I'm thinking
that was mid to late 80's. I'm sorry, but poop and puke are not
funny. Ever. I don't care whose they are.
SkyeDS: people keep telling me that I need children of my own so that
Im not always playing Pied Piper with everyone elses. But aunts
dont have to do choke and puke/poop. Rent a Kid is good.
evile: absolutely. all the good stuff, none of the ickies.
evile: Plus, if you had to take care of them all the time, you
wouldn't have the money to spend on spoiling them & doing the fun
stuff :)
SkyeDS: I am mature enough to know I am not mature enough to have a
child.
evile: exactly. :)
SkyeDS: when Im done being a child myself Ill reconsider, and if
its biologically too late, then oh well.
evile: There's always adoption & fostering, if you really wanted the
full-time responsibility.
SkyeDS: Uncle Mark and Aunt Mimi have adopted/fostered many children
and its been a good thing for all involved
SkyeDS: I know it breaks their hearts that they cant conceive
evile: People have told me Im selfish--but isn't it better to realize
that yes, I am too selfish to have a kid and NOT have one, than to
have one and still be too selfish to raise it properly?
SkyeDS: but I am unnatural, because I dont want to conceive
evile: I think a lot of people with kids secretly wish they hadn't
had them, but never realized it was a matter of choice.
evile: At least in my family, Aunt L & Uncle B set a precedent so it's not
as hard for the family to accept that I won't be having babies,
either.
SkyeDS: will be my luck, because I am just so contrary, that I will
have the desire to conceive and bear when its too late. <shrug>
evile: A lot of that is hormones, anyway, so do you really want
chemicals telling you what to do? :)
evile: On the plus side of that, during her pregnancies were the only
times in her life my mom didn't have any bipolar symptoms.
SkyeDS: sineaters friend Acadiana (the darkheaded fairy at the skating
rink) is fond of saying "men are difficult and exotic creatures."
SkyeDS: sometimes I wonder why we couldnt keep at least some of
them in zoos with the other difficult exotics.
evile: hee. I think most people are difficult & exotic. And the ones
who aren't...well, they aren't really worth bothering with in the
first place.
SkyeDS: oh well, eventually Ill learn to just muzzle my mouth with
my hand until I get over the urge to tell a loved one who is annoying
to go play in the traffic
evile: hee.
evile: I guess it depends on whether the annoyance is a behavior or
just a personality trait. You can ask someone to quit poking you or
quit picking their teeth, but you can't ask them to quit being who
they are, even though sometimes that's annoying! :P
SkyeDS: dont understand why a gentle but firm youre getting on my
nerves, Im going to my own corner for a while isnt considered
polite.
evile: That's a toughie. I usually don't say anything, I just go off
to my work room to read or putter or email, and close the door behind
me.
evile: each of us having our own rooms has been a real relationship-
saver.
SkyeDS: amen.
SkyeDS: my mother brought sineater a computer desk for my birthday
SkyeDS: I asked her where she intended to put it
evile: That's interesting.
SkyeDS: and she said, sineaters room. I said, um, no I dont think so.
SkyeDS: so I tried to tell her (she wasnt listening) that she
should not open his office door.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: she opened it anyway, had to throw all of her weight into it
to get it open enough inches to turn the light on, and slammed the
door shut screaming.
SkyeDS: I have a hard time not saying "I tried to tell you" which
is too close to "I told you so"
evile: eeps!
evile: Well, she had good intentions, anyway...
SkyeDS: lol, well now she has evidence of what Ive been trying to
tell her, whether she regards it as such or not.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I have the impression she never really believes me entirely
until she sees evidence for herself. I told her Mirage was an
Egyptian Arabian and tried to explain exactly what that was and why
it was special.
SkyeDS: But I think she thought I was spinning Gemini hyperbole and
Storytelling until she met Egyptian breeders in Texarkana and started
clipping articles about them out of the papers.
evile: That's a pretty Taurean trait, I can relate.
evile: Lone Star Equine Rescue has a couple of arabs & egyptian arabs
and it was just heartbreaking to see pictures of those poor critters.
I don't understand how someone could have such a gorgeous critter and
mistreat it.
SkyeDS: there was a sixteen year Champion Arab at Jims that finally
had to be rescued. I will never understand. Not even from a purely
capitalistic pig point of view.
SkyeDS: you could make more money finding a retired champion a home
than in leaving it to be rescued.
evile: yup. Not to mention saving 'wear and tear' on the animal.
SkyeDS: nothing better for a young child than an old horse, truly.
evile: I was/am pretty amazed at how many of the LSER animals have
papers.
SkyeDS: I need to check them out. although I cant afford another
child right now.
evile: I am working up to giving them some hands-on help. For now I
just look at their website & send them $ from time to time.
SkyeDS: extra hands are always appreciated. some of the work is not
glamorous - stalls and hooves - but brushing, grooming, petting and
feeding are all appreciated, particularly by the horses :)
evile: I know. But just seeing the pictures hurts my heart...seeing
those poor starved & abused animals in person would just be very very
hard.
SkyeDS: it would certainly drive your Geminian half to want to draw
the sword and make like an avenging angel. one of those easier said
than done things.
evile: yup. I need to work on being less chicken-hearted & getting
more of that kind of warrior-spirit. Crying is really not very
helpful to anyone.
SkyeDS: Sunday I stumbled in Shannons door, back to where she was
sitting in her bedroom, and collapsed against her bawling.
SkyeDS: I dont do that often or with many people and if I had not
been near to migraine-stroke, I would have been humiliated afterwards.
evile: I usually do my crying alone, but there is a lot of comfort in
a good shoulder :) And most people aren't going to embarass you about
it afterwards
SkyeDS: it probably stems back to kindergarten - 2d grade.
evile: kids are mean. :(
SkyeDS: when I was 5, I was in swimming lessons, and I was forced
underwater when I wasnt ready and I got hysterical
SkyeDS: and Mom had to take me home screaming and crying and I got
reamed. And then when I got put in a private school, and was
targeted, and came home crying, again, I got reamed for crying and
being a weakling and not good enough, and yadda x 3.
SkyeDS: Which I think is probably where every single one of my
particular neuroses is rooted.
evile: That's horrible.
SkyeDS: so I learned not to cry, which resulted in losing of temper.
SkyeDS: which is also not good, and many bad results from that.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: and when I dont cry, and I dont lose my temper, I just
implode until my head literally explodes. And knowing all of this
does not go very far in fixing it.
evile: It's hard to re-educate yourself & find healthier ways to do
things.
SkyeDS: they wrote a song about this once, no? "big girls don't
cry"? lol
evile: The way you are now is almost honed to 'instinct' level, so
it's really hard to say "Okay, this doesn't work, it's bad for me, do
something else"
SkyeDS: it is good to cry.
SkyeDS: it doesn"t accomplish anything torwards saving the world, no
SkyeDS: but it does save you, and then you aren't another one of the
world's problems
SkyeDS: and there's something to be said for that
evile: it is a good way to get rid of stress, true. But I guess the
next step after 'have a good cry' is "do something about what made
you cry" and that's a toughie.
SkyeDS: true, if you have first applied the serenity prayer test to
see if you can do something about it
evile: :) yup.
SkyeDS: I allowed myself a nice pityparty while away for the
umpteenth bazillionth time wondering about something that seems to me
a great injustice but isn't something I can even begin to change.
Realized my head was about to explode again, and forced my midn
elsewhere.
evile: Yeah, that 'acceptance' thing is hard. I can bury and deny
pretty well, but it's hard to be aware of something you dislike that
is not going to change or go away.
SkyeDS: I would imagine so. Maybe harder for you than for me. I
think that you are more accustomed to being able to move immovable
objects that wouldn't move for me so it wouldn't even occur to me
to try.
evile: It's flattering that you think that about me. :) But probably
not as true as I'd like it to be
SkyeDS: very frustrating that must be. I know that I don't live up
to the legend that some people have created around my name and it
frustrates.
evile: If I tried to be The Legendary evilE 24/7, I'd be broke, in
jail and/or dead by now. :)
SkyeDS: lol!
evile: It's a useful facade, and sometimes fun to take out and play
with, but not good to try and live up to all the time.
SkyeDS: you know I'm not a big one for governmental interference and
regulation, but I still think it ironic that vehicles of all kinds
are regulated but not childbearing, animal husbandry and land
owning. Although I know that it would be impossible and fatally
flawed to do so.
evile: I wouldn't want to give anyone that much power.
SkyeDS: speaking of things that must be hard, I think about my friend
Linda (no longer with us) and her job. She was a CPS investigator.
Had to take multiple crack babies away from the same women all the
time. Boy talk about a hard job. And feeling like you can't do
anything about it.
evile: Yup. I wouldn't wish that job on my worst enemy. Just
heartbreaking.
SkyeDS: I know what I would do. Eventually I would crack, go
completely amoral and ballistic and just start maiming and/or killing
like a vigilante, not a good solution.
evile: Or at least rig up a depo-provera dart gun...
SkyeDS: I don't legally have a problem with doing that.
SkyeDS: These women are all on the governmental dole, and I don't
have a problem with making mandatory birthcontrol a condition for
being on the dole.
SkyeDS: I don't say that too loudly though.
evile: There are so many incentives to have babies, but not enough
for NOT having them if you aren't capable of taking care of them.
SkyeDS: and there are those who would rather see crackheaded parent
or parents taking care of a child than a loving and married
homosexual couple.
evile: Pretty crazy.
evile: It doesn't seem that anyone takes 'quality of life' into
consideration in these types of cases. Save the fetus. Keep the
vegetable on life support. Who cares if they have any kind of joy or
satisfaction in their existence? Life is the most important thing,
not quality thereof.
SkyeDS: Quality is not in the populace vocabulary anymore. Neither
is long term. Planning for the next ten generations and not just
yourself. Only two words in the public vocabulary now. Instant
gratification and quantity (guess that's three, lol)
evile: Oh, don't forget "ME!"
SkyeDS: the public's favorite monosyllable, yes
evile: hee.
SkyeDS: and ironically, no clue about enlightened self interest.
that doing for others IS doing for ME
evile: sad but very true.
SkyeDS: hm. clock demands my presence in town. And, you get to go
home soon :) I don't think you'll be here when I get back, so, if
I don't see you online this weekend, HUGS and safe journey home.
evile: *hugs* Take care! You going to Pease Park tomorrow? Or
Drandmir Sunday?
SkyeDS: at this point I still have no idea. The boys are dissecting
my time amongst themselves :(
evile: aha. Well, keep me posted :)
SkyeDS: nodnods. Benedizione, cara <waves>
evile: bye!
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