EJ July 25 Email from X

 

 

 

 

1529email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

Friday, 7/25/2003 8:43 a.m.

evilE,
Please, I have made several attempts to try to right whatever
wrong I caused you. I understand that you think I am a liar and a
cheat, I wish you would believe that I am not and I was not.
[X's husband] and I are seperated. I am living in Cedar Park. The children
are in Colorado. You don't ever have to care about me again. I just
was hoping that you could still care about the kids. They are coming
back to a different world in a couple of weeks. They need the people
that have always loved them. If you hate me so much that you can't be
near the children, I will just do as I can. I have never bad mouthed
you to anyone. Never said a word to the kids about why they haven't
heard from you in a while. Just explained how grown-ups can get very
busy. Their world is going to be turned upside down, and I know I am
asking alot, but please see in your heart if you can
still be Jessica's god-parent, and "aunt" to the boys. They need you.
I won't burden you with me. I promise. Please consider it.

-X

•  

 

1530Re: email from X. Very very sad.

Expand Messages

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evilE

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

I fwd. to  Aunt L with these comments:

I blocked X's address from my home and yahoo web-email addresses.
But she still had my work address & sent me email at work. She and
[X's husband] are separated, the kids went to Colorado and are apparently due
back sometime soon. She has tried to 'right the wrongs' (WHEN? HOW? I
don't remember any attempts) She wants me to have a relationship with
her children. I really don't think I can do it. I feel like a bad
person...but I know I'm not. I feel just rotten for the kids. But
this was all her choice, and looking back, she tried to dump me last
summer, even. So...I am done. I just don't feel like I'm doing the
right thing. What do you think?

Here is what she said:

I think that you are doing the right thing. If you look at her e-
mail, it is all about her.

 

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1531Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

Me to J-Law (with fwd. x email):

Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 06:48:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: E
Subject: Gee, I could have seen this coming a mile away....
To: J

Got an email from X this a.m. I've blocked her
address from my home email & my yahoo email, but the
one she sent to my work got through. Gah. I feel just
awful for the kids.

But my first impulse was to send her a simple 3-word
email: BED. MADE. LIE.

I won't, of course. "I have made several attempts" my
fat ass. When? Where? I guess they were on the astral
plane. Feh.

=================================================

Me to stepdad (w a copy of X's email:

Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 06:57:36 -0700 (PDT)
From: E
Subject: I knew she was going to do this....
To: dad

FYI, and pass along to Mom if she wants to hear it.

X is trying to get me back into the kids' lives
(read: the gravy train quit a'runnin & she wants it
back). I love the kids, but I just can't open myself
up to her manipulating and using me again. I feel like
a bad, selfish person. But...this was the Alonzos
choice.

I blocked her email to my home & Yahoo email address.
She got me at work with this one:

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1532Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

Stepdad's reply:


Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 09:46:02 -0400
From: dad
Subject: Re: I knew she was going to do this....
To: me

Don't feel bad or selfish at all. You know X needs a baby sitter
back in her life. After all, with the separation, she can't as easily
just leave the kids with [X's husband]. I'm not sure she truly has the kids
well being as the primary reason for her new attitude. Your right
that the [X family]'s caused this and it is a shame the kids will
suffer, you are good for them. But knowing X's ability for high
drama, it would only be a matter of time before something else would
happen. It was a hard and tough decision to make, and it hurt you to
come to this decision, could you endure the hurt a second time in the
future?

You could tell her that maybe in time something could be worked out,
butit will have to be by your timetable and if there is ever to be
some connection with you again, she needs to back off and leave you
alone.

Thai's my opinion. You know, you try to be a good person and you get
stepped on and then you feel guilty for your reaction. Don't beat
yourself up over this.

I'll pass this message along to your mom.

Dad

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1533Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

Me to Dad:

Thanks. I really needed to hear that. re-reading, I
got some better perspective, saw that it was really
not about the kids, but about 'I I I, Me Me Me', as
usual. I feel really rotten for the kiddoes, but you
are right. This was shitty enough to go through once.

Brother A ran into [X's husband]  a couple months ago, and
[X's husband] cussed and fussed and badmouthed me up one side
and down the other. So, perhaps it is true that *X*
herself did not badmouth me to anyone or say anything
bad about me to the kids, but more than likely she
didn't speak up when *[X's husband]* did so. It's all about the
details.

And, as far as 'righting whatever wrong'....well, this
is the first I've heard from her. So, I don't know
what 'attempt' she has made, unless she thinks writing
that letter to my mom about me hanging out with
child-haters and perverts was an attempt. Perhaps
she's gone New-Age and is apologizing to my spirit
guide in the Astral Plane. Back in Real Life, she
hasn't called, written, or anything in months, as far
as I know. The fact that she does not acknowledge the
wrong, or that she knows what it even is, seems to say
that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong &
doesn't have a clue why I was so upset with her.

Argh. What a way to start out the weekend. I am NOT
going to let this bum me. Bed, made, lie. Sorry, but
that's the way it is.

I love you! Thanks again for the reality check & for
lettng me vent.

 

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1534Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

J-Law's reply:

Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 08:34:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: J-Law
Subject: Re: Gee, I could have seen this coming a mile away....
To: mE

Well, hell's bells. I figured she would come crawling back. I think
what she means is, the kids won't have their daddy around, and I need
someone to buy shit for my kids when I ask her to.

It is awful for the kids, though, I agree.

Maybe there is a way you could convey the "bed, made, lie" thing but
also say you'll be there for the kids, if that's what you want.

What's in Colorado, anyway, and why are the kids there?

Speaking of friend crapola, I am gonna send you the marine world
chronicle of emails. It's stupid.

The party last night was awesome. I need more friends like Dawn, and
fewer whiny ones.

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1535Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

I basically cut & pasted the same thing I sent stepdad re: re-reading.
Then I sent this PS:

PS: I'm guessing Colorado is where (ex stripper)
Goldrie, her ex stripper husband, and their two
hellish brats live. I am amazed that Goldrie kept her
part of the agreement (her kids visit X for __
weeks last summer, X's kids visit them for __ weeks
this summer). Those kids are going to have all kinds
of problems coming back from spoiled rotten-land
anyway, and then to find out Mommy & Daddy aren't
together anymore and now THEY can't each have their
own TV & VCR and their own rooms is gonna be
devastating.

(sarcasm)

Honestly, I could care less about [goddaughter]. She had picked
up on Mommy's 'use AuntE' vibe so thoroughly that it
was pretty awful to spend time with her & all her fake
huggy-kissy sucking up and acting 'cute' so I'd spend
money on her.

The youngest...well, I suspect he's autistic or
retarded or something. As long as he has Power Rangers
on TV & junk food in his grubby little paw, he will
not notice much of anything else.

I feel super-bad for [middle child], I guess.

I mean...this is a suck thing for kids to go thru.
But...my mom went thru two divorces while I was
growing up and I have come out just fine. So...Theyll
be OK, I hope. And hopefully X hasn't managed to
use & abuse [middle child]'s godparents in Elgin, TX to the
point where they won't at least help him out.

 

• 1536Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

 

 

You don't ever have to care about me again. I just was hoping that you could still care about the kids.

guilt trip guilt trip guilt trip! woop woop!

I love the implication that I *don't* care about the kids at this
point but could somehow be persuaded by her eloquent little guilt
trip. The more I re-read this, the more I find all these clever
little manipulations, these self-aggrandizing attempts at making
herself look like the one who was wronged, bla bla.

Sell crazy guilt trips someplace else, lady, we're all stocked up
here.

•  

•  

1537Re: email from X. Very very sad.

 

Jul. 25, 2003

evilE,
Please, I have made several attempts to try to right whatever
wrong I caused you. I understand that you think I am a liar and a
cheat, I wish you would believe that I am not and I was not.
[X's husband] and I are seperated. I am living in Cedar Park. The
children are in Colorado. You don't ever have to care about me
again. I just was hoping that you could still care about the kids.
They are coming back to a different world in a couple of weeks. They
need the people that have always loved them. If you hate me so much
that you can't be near the children, I will just do as I can. I have
never bad mouthed you to anyone. Never said a word to the kids about
why they haven't heard from you in a while. Just explained how grown-
ups can get very busy. Their world is going to be turned upside down,
and I know I am asking alot, but please see in your heart if you can
still be [J]'s god-parent, and "aunt" to the boys. They need you.
I won't burden you with me. I promise. Please consider it.

-X
=====================================================
Just gotta read between the lines on this one. It's just one big fat
guilt trip manipulation attempt and I ain't fallin' for it.

Times she says I or me: 16

Times she mentions children: 11

Pretty close. Very good attempt. I'll give it a 7.

"I have made several attempts to try to right whatever wrong I caused
you."

Um...she hasn't written or called or come by, or even, to my
knowledge, resorted to the high school tactic of asking mutual
friends to intervene on her behalf... Maybe she is up in the Astral
Plane talking to my spirit body?

"whatever wrong" implies that 1) she doesn't know what she did wrong
or 2) she really believes she hasn't done anything wrong. Either
way, she doesn't care that she did it & doesn't feel bad about it.
Implication: It's all in my head, obviously. I had no reason or right
to be upset with her, nasty ol' me.

And then my interpretation is confirmed with this:

"I am not and I was not" [a liar and a cheat]...well, what do you
call sleeping with a man who isn't your husband without your
husband's knowledge or permission? What do you call NOT telling
your 'bestest closest oldest, bla bla, crawl all over her and kiss
her at parties and tell everyone how "close" you are' friend about
it?

Another re-read. The statement is actually "I wish you would believe
that I am not and I was not" [a liar and a cheat]. Well...why would I
believe an untruth? You can wish all you want that I will or will not
believe this lie or that truth, but ultimately, I will believe what I
know to be the truth. That she is, in fact, a liar and a cheat.

And as far as all the "I have never bad mouthed you to anyone. Never
said a word to the kids about why they haven't heard from you in a
while. Just explained how grown-ups can get very busy."...well, I'm
sure X never said anything with her own actual mouth, BUT...

1) she wrote a letter to my mom, extremely self-aggrandizing &
implying that I was hanging out with unsavory people and cheating on
Sweetie. (Oh, maybe this was one of those 'righting whatever wrong'
attempts, and my family and I just interpreted it as being an attempt
to make herself look good and me look bad. Silly me!)

2) her husband had plenty of bad things to say about me when he ran
into my brother in a public place a couple months ago, so what are
the odds that he had plenty of nasty shit to say in front of his
children at home? So...it may be literal truth that "X did not say
anything bad about E". Actual truth is that the children have more
than likely heard PLENTY of awful things about me and are very
confused and frightened (perhaps even frightened of AuntE, if the
[X family] were as verbal about not letting me visit the children
unsupervised as they were in writing to me & my family)

Also, the whole 'you hate me' and 'you don't care about me' (with the
implied 'you don't care about me/you don't care about the kids') is
both hurtful and insulting. It doesn't make me feel in the least bit
guilty, any more than a child pouting and saying "You hate me! I'm
just going to starve!" in the candy aisle makes me feel like buying
it candy.

I feel sorry as hell for those kids. And I'm sure the next step is X
having them call me to say they are hungry or need school supplies.
But...I will never let that woman use or manipulate me again. Bed.
Made. Lie

Also, it occurs to me: my mom was a single divorced mom of 3. She
made it. We turned out just fine. There is no need to feel guilty
here, I'm sure Mom lost plenty of friends along the way when she
divorced my dad & then [ex stepdad]. And us kids still had plenty of adults
in our lives who cared about us. Including, and especially, our
Mother.