1396PAST/PRESENT/FUTURE

 

May 7, 2003

 

 

Me to J-Law:
(she is getting together with an old HS buddy who is the total anti-
e., putting things on schedule, etc.)

The annoying thing about e., I guess, is that she's
always been a self-centered little flake, and she
still is. the 15 years of life we've seen between
Tulane and today don't seem to have taught her
anyhing...even though she got her degree, got her
Masters, worked as an EMT, had a couple of serious
relationships, moved from NY to Houston to Austin, got
serious about racing & her health, etc. And none of it
matured her at all...bizarre.

---

there's talk on the aus poly yahoo group re: taking a bellydance
class. Z Helene is teaching one Saturdays on the ACC Northridge
campus starting 5/31. As cool as I think she is, as much as I'd love
to spend more time with her, I will never do this.

flashbacks to jr hi, hs, where coaches would make the whole class do
exercises over again because I couldn't keep up.

flashbacks to body business where instructor spent (I felt) too much
of the class time correcting my movements.

maybe even a vague stirring back to another ACC class I took in
dance, where I was fat and awkward & stupid, back to IWC age 5-6-7-
ish where I took ballet & always arrived after the warmup & never
did as well as the other kids.

I don't have enough grace & coordination to dance. I don't do classes
very well if it involves physical stuff. I don't have enough
confidence in my body and movement to want to take a 1-on-1 class.
I'll never be proficient if I don't learn and don't practice. Catch
22.

1399Re: dreams

 

 

 

May 7, 2003

 

 

I had the following dream 1 yr ago. Wierd because I dreamt about [my grandmother]
Nanny's house again Monday nite. I don't remember anything else about
it, just Nanny's house. hm. Maybe because it was Uncle Bubba's Bday
yesterday? *shrug*

 

> last night there was mom, some kid (grandkid? neice?), me, [brother A],

at

> Nanny's house, playing a smaller version of scrabble where the
> squares are in a book, different patterns you have to use. [brother A] got
> mad and chopped up the wall with an axe. Something about dead
> kittens. Then he threw/dropped the axe on mom, who had the neice in
> her lap. I said something sarcastic about how nanny was going to be
> mad when she got home from her vacation. And then somehow it was

not

> [brother A] who had destroyed the wall with an ax, but sineater, and I was

going

> to bite the bullet and talk with UB about his anger problem.
> =====================================
> The woman is dead. Her house has been sold. There are no little

dark

> haired neices/granddaughters. Wierd dream