208 non bp nook

 

:

• 
  Well, my mom and stepdad are in town. This is my stepbro's dad. I
  have been trying for months to get back on speaking terms with BP
  SIL, to no avail. She doesn't answer the phone when I call, she
  doesn't respond to Email. When I write a letter, I usually get a
  phone call from my stepbro letting me know what she thinks about my
  latest attempt at peacemaking, but never any direct interaction
  with BP SIL.
  
  So, I thought that it might be nice to have mom, stepdad, brother,
  stepbrother (& wife of course) over for dinner to exchange gifts,
  etc. before mom & stepdad go on to visit stepdad's family.
  
  I emailed this suggestion to my stepbro, and he said "sure, but
  we're going to be heading out of town as soon as we leave your house,
  so we'll be all packed and have our pet with us"
  
  Now, my mom had called and told me that SIL was being very adamant
  about bringing the pet to dinner, so I already knew what was up.
  
  I said the pet thing was no problem,and that if the pet starts to
  act 'bratty' we can always put him in the guest room until time for
  everyone to leave.
  
  Dealing with her is so wierd. It's like on my side of the table
  I'm playing 'checkers', and on her side of the table, she's
  playing 'mousetrap'.
  
  Me: I would like a peaceful gathering for Mom and Dad's visit.
  
  Her: OH YEAH!? (big upping-ante gesture) Well, I'm bringing {PET}.
  What do you think about THAT?
  
  Me: That's fine, I just want everyone to have a nice visit.
  
  Apples and oranges. I'm sure that in her mind she is provoking me
  beyond limit, but to me, it's just like a kid who won't keep her
  shoes on in church; very minor, not worth making a fuss over as
  long as the kid is quiet & otherwise behaving. But, as with kids that
  start with shoes, then move on to slamming the hymnals around, then
  sliding out of their pew and crawling underneath to go 'visit' the
  people in front of them, I'm worried that if I appear to have "caved"
  to the pet thing, she will make larger and larger demands until
  things become unpleasant.
  
  I am also slightly worried because I am making a turkey and I can't
  remember, but I think she may have mentioned at one time that
  she 'hates' turkey. As with anything else she 'hates,' it changes
  spontaneously, and when mentioning it I am likely to get a "You're
  crazy, I never said I hated turkey," She is also on-again, off-
  again dieting, so may have a fit because nothing we serve is on
  her 'diet' and "Now I have to break my diet and it's all your fault
  I'm fat."
  
  *sigh* I am just mentally girding my loins here...playing out a
  worst case scenario. I hope everything will be pleasant.
  
  Hopefully my assertion that if the pet misbehaves, he will be put
  in the other room will establish that I am willing to accomodate the
  fact that they're all packed up to go out of town & will be
  departing directly from my house, but NOT willing to deal with bad
  behavior.
  
  *shrug* I really don't know....Not a clue. *sigh* She is nuts. I
  can't think like she does, I'm not nuts.
  
  ================================================================
  
  "lulu4magik"  
  Date: Wed Dec 19, 2001 5:39 pm
  Subject: Re: *sigh* here we go
  
  OK, I can hear that you are getting in WAY TOO DEEP in your head with
  the possible scenarios. But instead of worrying about her stuff -
  figure out possible solutions and answers to her attacks that will
  shut her up.
  
  1. If she still hates turkey...say I'm SO sorry, forgive me - I
  forgot. Would you care for something else? Don't offer alternatives,
  she won't take any - just put it out there like YOU were WRONG to
  forget and she will be dumbfounded.
  2. If she says it's your fault that she is fat - tell her that she is
  welcome not to eat anything you are serving and that you won't accept
  responsibility for what she chooses to put into her mouth. period.
  3. About the "pet" - are you allergic? what is the big deal? Does
  it have a pen that it will be in for the drive? I don't get the big
  issue...
  4. The reason that your SIL does all of this is to CONTROL you and
  everyone around her - actually you are probably lots of fun for her
  to manipulate and blame because you seem so sensitive to her bull. So
  I suggest making up retorts to anything you can imagine her saying
  that won't allow her to blame you for anything and will stop her from
  continuing an arguement.
  
  Good luck! Let us know how it goes...
  
  Amy / lulu

209 Bitchen 'bout the Bird

 

 

•  

  > 3. About the "pet" - are you allergic? what is the big deal? Does
  > it have a pen that it will be in for the drive? I don't get the
  > big issue...
  

  ===============================
  
  "The pet" is a large, loud, destructive tropical bird. It dungs
  copiously and usually without warning. It has the capability of
  drawing blood and/or breaking bones. In the past, it has bent car
  keys, and grabbed & bent my other brother's fiancee's engagement ring
  while it was still on her finger, causing some serious injury, not to
  mention ruining the ring. In addition to grabbing jewelry, it also
  likes to grab eyeglasses. When family gatherings include children, in
  the past, other family members have insisted that the bird NOT be
  present, because nobody wants mangled children. It is very difficult
  to have a normal conversation with the pet present, because it
  requires constant interaction with my stepbro or it starts screaming.
  
  I've noticed that in the past, SIL has a habit of doing things to get
  the bird angry and squawking, then calling stepbro away from whatever
  he is doing, whatever conversation he is having, to "take care" of
  the bird and "make him settle down."
  
  I know it is not the bird's fault, you have to train animals to
  behave in public, and neither of them have done much to curb its
  bratty tendencies, and all it has to model its behavior on is her
  inconsistent moods and his withdrawn muttering. BUT...it's not the
  best thing to bring to a gathering where people are going to want to
  sit and visit. As far as I know, I am the only family member who
  doesn't really have a problem with them bringing the bird over from
  time to time.
  ====
  Above posted in NonBPNook. More thoughts on the bird:
  
  A claims not to understand why people don't want the bird around.
  Because, plain and simple, I have explained, the animal is dangerous.
  
  She countered with "Well, your cats and dog are capable of inflicting
  as much damage as [bird]"
  
  1. I don't take my cats out in public
  2. Nickie is an incredibly well-trained animal that would NEVER hurt
  a human being, let alone bark or screech or otherwise disrupt events.
  
  Also, I think the reasons I don't mind {bird} as much as other people:
  
  He keeps A distracted for a little while, sometimes, so E can
  visit uninterrupted.
  
  I don't have kids, so don't have to worry whether or not he is going
  to eat somebody's finger.
  
  Any animal that comes into my house is fair prey for my animals. If
  {bird}  gets eaten by Spaz, Eris,or Nickie, I guess I'll just owe 'em
  for a new bird.
  
  It is truly hideous how she uses the bird to manipulate E's
  behavior and bring him to heel, and I feel sorry for the bird almost
  as much as I feel sorry for E.
  
  And I am very convinced that she insisted that E insist on
  bringing [bird] in hopes that I would have a problem with that and
  give her an excuse to prevent E from coming over. Nope. Ain't
  gonna happen.