208 non bp nook

[evile]

 

:

• 
  Well, my mom and stepdad are in town. This is my stepbro's dad. I
  have been trying for months to get back on speaking terms with BP
  SIL, to no avail. She doesn't answer the phone when I call, she
  doesn't respond to Email. When I write a letter, I usually get a
  phone call from my stepbro letting me know what she thinks about my
  latest attempt at peacemaking, but never any direct interaction
  with BP SIL.
  
  So, I thought that it might be nice to have mom, stepdad, brother,
  stepbrother (& wife of course) over for dinner to exchange gifts,
  etc. before mom & stepdad go on to visit stepdad's family.
  
  I emailed this suggestion to my stepbro, and he said "sure, but
  we're going to be heading out of town as soon as we leave your house,
  so we'll be all packed and have our pet with us"
  
  Now, my mom had called and told me that SIL was being very adamant
  about bringing the pet to dinner, so I already knew what was up.
  
  I said the pet thing was no problem,and that if the pet starts to
  act 'bratty' we can always put him in the guest room until time for
  everyone to leave.
  
  Dealing with her is so wierd. It's like on my side of the table
  I'm playing 'checkers', and on her side of the table, she's
  playing 'mousetrap'.
  
  Me: I would like a peaceful gathering for Mom and Dad's visit.
  
  Her: OH YEAH!? (big upping-ante gesture) Well, I'm bringing {PET}.
  What do you think about THAT?
  
  Me: That's fine, I just want everyone to have a nice visit.
  
  Apples and oranges. I'm sure that in her mind she is provoking me
  beyond limit, but to me, it's just like a kid who won't keep her
  shoes on in church; very minor, not worth making a fuss over as
  long as the kid is quiet & otherwise behaving. But, as with kids that
  start with shoes, then move on to slamming the hymnals around, then
  sliding out of their pew and crawling underneath to go 'visit' the
  people in front of them, I'm worried that if I appear to have "caved"
  to the pet thing, she will make larger and larger demands until
  things become unpleasant.
  
  I am also slightly worried because I am making a turkey and I can't
  remember, but I think she may have mentioned at one time that
  she 'hates' turkey. As with anything else she 'hates,' it changes
  spontaneously, and when mentioning it I am likely to get a "You're
  crazy, I never said I hated turkey," She is also on-again, off-
  again dieting, so may have a fit because nothing we serve is on
  her 'diet' and "Now I have to break my diet and it's all your fault
  I'm fat."
  
  *sigh* I am just mentally girding my loins here...playing out a
  worst case scenario. I hope everything will be pleasant.
  
  Hopefully my assertion that if the pet misbehaves, he will be put
  in the other room will establish that I am willing to accomodate the
  fact that they're all packed up to go out of town & will be
  departing directly from my house, but NOT willing to deal with bad
  behavior.
  
  *shrug* I really don't know....Not a clue. *sigh* She is nuts. I
  can't think like she does, I'm not nuts.
  
  ================================================================
  
  "lulu4magik"  
  Date: Wed Dec 19, 2001 5:39 pm
  Subject: Re: *sigh* here we go
  
  OK, I can hear that you are getting in WAY TOO DEEP in your head with
  the possible scenarios. But instead of worrying about her stuff -
  figure out possible solutions and answers to her attacks that will
  shut her up.
  
  1. If she still hates turkey...say I'm SO sorry, forgive me - I
  forgot. Would you care for something else? Don't offer alternatives,
  she won't take any - just put it out there like YOU were WRONG to
  forget and she will be dumbfounded.
  2. If she says it's your fault that she is fat - tell her that she is
  welcome not to eat anything you are serving and that you won't accept
  responsibility for what she chooses to put into her mouth. period.
  3. About the "pet" - are you allergic? what is the big deal? Does
  it have a pen that it will be in for the drive? I don't get the big
  issue...
  4. The reason that your SIL does all of this is to CONTROL you and
  everyone around her - actually you are probably lots of fun for her
  to manipulate and blame because you seem so sensitive to her bull. So
  I suggest making up retorts to anything you can imagine her saying
  that won't allow her to blame you for anything and will stop her from
  continuing an arguement.
  
  Good luck! Let us know how it goes...
  
  Amy / lulu