I should read this about 20 times a day...

[evile]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Property Lines


A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call
detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each
person own and possess his or her rightful property.



If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a
self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is
a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative, that is
their issue, not ours.


If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.


People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.


People's hopes and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too.
Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and
messages.


If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Their choices
are their property, not ours. What people choose to say and do is their
business.


What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems,
feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.


In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.


Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

The
Language of Letting Go. Copyright 1990 by Hazelden Foundation. All
rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of
this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written
permission of of Hazelden

Comments

[madame-mage.livejournal.com]

What a lovely post! This clearly illustrates defined boundaries of what's us and what belongs to the other person.

I should purchase that book and send a few copies anonymously to a few people who actually get it but are still looking for a grid or map to draw from..

Happy Hallowe'en sweet heart!

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I've had a few 'opportunities' lately to pick up a role that someone else was trying to cast me in. if so-and- so wants to call me names behind my back and say stuff about me to my loved ones, why shouldn't i go ahead and come down like goddess wrath on their stupid,pointy heads? But there's just no need for that. They need a bad guy in their pathetic drama so that they can go on being miserable and refusing to grow, but i don't need to be there for that. I have my own growth and happiness to enjoy and pursue. My own flaws and mistakes to own and not push off on anyone. That's my job. Not sock puppet or punching bag for someone else's sick trip.

[northwall.livejournal.com]

thanks for posting this. i needed to read it too.

i've been considering whether i want to do another year on JET (though i don't have to decide for real until february) and i keep thinking, "i should do another year to pass along all i've learned to the new JETs because the older ones this year have been so good to me. but in the end, i have to take care of myself, and i don't know yet whether doing another year is right for me. so thank you.

*hugs* and don't let the jerks at our office get you down. you'll be out of there soon enough .

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

good plan. there is no need to make a decision or commitment right now, so just enjoy your work and see where it takes you...

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

I think I needed this.

It may help save my skull from wall-bruises later....