"You’re horrible. Accept it. "--awesome.
Jun. 25th, 2010 02:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evilehttp://www.fugitivus.net/2010/06/10/on-interpersonal-badness/#comment-3916
Worried
June 23, 2010
I cut off my family, easy as pie, but I think it was only because I found a new family to abuse me. After many years of living with this new family, I have been convinced by them that I am a worthless, horrible, cruel, stupid, selfish creature, one that my previous family deserved to hate, and I need to work extra hard to be even a halfway-decent human being. If I leave this current family, I will be not only worthless, but now alone.
Now that I have read this, and http://issendai.livejournal.com/572510.html, I wonder. Maybe they’re wrong, and I should stand up for myself. Maybe that would be frightening, but ultimately the best decision I could make for me, for my health and sanity.
But…
…but what if they’re RIGHT?
Harriet J
June 23, 2010
@Worried: I had this social sciences teacher who had this pet phrase in high school. You know, he was blowing adolescent minds with 1984 and concepts of sociology and different forms of sci fi government and philosophy. Classroom discussion could get pretty excited as kids had their minds sort of “click” and went racing on with all kinds of concepts. And, occasionally, discussion would get mired in the hypothetical without purpose. Like, “What if you had a government that discriminated on the basis of eye color?” would turn into, “And what if that government had the technology to have NO EYES? And what if when they had NO EYES they discriminated on TONE OF VOICE but then you were able to CHANGE YOUR VOICE…” etc. He would step in with his pet phrase:
“What if a dog had a square butt?”
And we would have to discuss it. What if a dog had a square butt? What would that change? What would the world be like? The main point being, yes, it would be a different thing, but does that difference add up to anything special or exciting or meaningful?
What if they’re right, dude? What if a dog had a square butt?
I mean, what would be different in your life if they were right? You already feel like a horrible piece of shit. Would you feel any worse if you actually were one? What would really be very meaningful about finding out that you’re horrible? Would your life be any different? Would anybody’s?
You’re the only one who has to live with you. Anybody who thinks you’re an asshole doesn’t have to hang around you. So what if they’re right? Why the fuck are they hanging out with you, if they are right? If you’re such an awful person and all, what the fuck is wrong with them that they want to hang out with awful, irredeemable people all the time?
Try owning your potential for badness, man. I can be a pretty selfish, cruel, horrible human being. I’ve done it. I’ll probably do it again. But my capacity for hurting others has a limit. I’ve run into it multiple times. However, my capacity for the imaginary evilness that is me knows no bounds. The evilness that my abusers told me I had within me, it was a staggering, nightmare, Cthulu-like evil. It was unfathomable in its enormity. It was very different from the banal degree of evil I can actually, realistically get up to. But I didn’t get a chance to compare those things — my theoretical awfulness and my real awfulness — until I got away from people who were doing my thinking for me. To get away from them, I had to own the evilness I was convinced I had. Okay, I thought. So I’m possibly an evil, cruel, awful person. Well, being that person can’t feel any worse than hanging out with you every day. And if it does feel worse, I am infinitely sure that you will be willing to take me back, because if you didn’t need me around, you wouldn’t be working so hard to tell me I’m worthless without you.
So, stop fighting against your evilness. You’ve got some bad in you. It has a limit. Discover it. See if you can cope with it. Because you’re the only one that has to. Own it. You can be an awful, awful person. Everybody can. You’re not frighteningly unique. All that’s unique about you is that apparently, in your evilness, a whole bunch of people have decided you’re worth having around to shit on every now and again.
Have you seen movies with evil people in it? What do they do when people treat them like shit?
What do good people do when others are mean to them?
What I’m saying is: most horrible people don’t give a shit if they’re horrible. Most good people do. Most horrible people don’t let others treat them poorly, because they are selfish and cruel. Good people do let others treat them badly, because they want others to be happier than they are.
I’m telling you, being selfish and cruel is a godsend if you’ve been good all your life.
Take the sting out of those words. Take the ammo out. You’re horrible. Accept it. Permanently. Feel it out.
Now what? There’s still a whole life left that you’ve still got to live. Do you want to live it with people who treat you like shit? That’s a choice you can make, but it’s not one you have to make. Horrible people get to do what they want. Good people are constrained by how much they care about others. If you’re really so horrible, let them see what it’s like to live with a horrible person who doesn’t really give a shit what they want or think anymore
Worried
June 23, 2010
I cut off my family, easy as pie, but I think it was only because I found a new family to abuse me. After many years of living with this new family, I have been convinced by them that I am a worthless, horrible, cruel, stupid, selfish creature, one that my previous family deserved to hate, and I need to work extra hard to be even a halfway-decent human being. If I leave this current family, I will be not only worthless, but now alone.
Now that I have read this, and http://issendai.livejournal.com/572510.html, I wonder. Maybe they’re wrong, and I should stand up for myself. Maybe that would be frightening, but ultimately the best decision I could make for me, for my health and sanity.
But…
…but what if they’re RIGHT?
Harriet J
June 23, 2010
@Worried: I had this social sciences teacher who had this pet phrase in high school. You know, he was blowing adolescent minds with 1984 and concepts of sociology and different forms of sci fi government and philosophy. Classroom discussion could get pretty excited as kids had their minds sort of “click” and went racing on with all kinds of concepts. And, occasionally, discussion would get mired in the hypothetical without purpose. Like, “What if you had a government that discriminated on the basis of eye color?” would turn into, “And what if that government had the technology to have NO EYES? And what if when they had NO EYES they discriminated on TONE OF VOICE but then you were able to CHANGE YOUR VOICE…” etc. He would step in with his pet phrase:
“What if a dog had a square butt?”
And we would have to discuss it. What if a dog had a square butt? What would that change? What would the world be like? The main point being, yes, it would be a different thing, but does that difference add up to anything special or exciting or meaningful?
What if they’re right, dude? What if a dog had a square butt?
I mean, what would be different in your life if they were right? You already feel like a horrible piece of shit. Would you feel any worse if you actually were one? What would really be very meaningful about finding out that you’re horrible? Would your life be any different? Would anybody’s?
You’re the only one who has to live with you. Anybody who thinks you’re an asshole doesn’t have to hang around you. So what if they’re right? Why the fuck are they hanging out with you, if they are right? If you’re such an awful person and all, what the fuck is wrong with them that they want to hang out with awful, irredeemable people all the time?
Try owning your potential for badness, man. I can be a pretty selfish, cruel, horrible human being. I’ve done it. I’ll probably do it again. But my capacity for hurting others has a limit. I’ve run into it multiple times. However, my capacity for the imaginary evilness that is me knows no bounds. The evilness that my abusers told me I had within me, it was a staggering, nightmare, Cthulu-like evil. It was unfathomable in its enormity. It was very different from the banal degree of evil I can actually, realistically get up to. But I didn’t get a chance to compare those things — my theoretical awfulness and my real awfulness — until I got away from people who were doing my thinking for me. To get away from them, I had to own the evilness I was convinced I had. Okay, I thought. So I’m possibly an evil, cruel, awful person. Well, being that person can’t feel any worse than hanging out with you every day. And if it does feel worse, I am infinitely sure that you will be willing to take me back, because if you didn’t need me around, you wouldn’t be working so hard to tell me I’m worthless without you.
So, stop fighting against your evilness. You’ve got some bad in you. It has a limit. Discover it. See if you can cope with it. Because you’re the only one that has to. Own it. You can be an awful, awful person. Everybody can. You’re not frighteningly unique. All that’s unique about you is that apparently, in your evilness, a whole bunch of people have decided you’re worth having around to shit on every now and again.
Have you seen movies with evil people in it? What do they do when people treat them like shit?
What do good people do when others are mean to them?
What I’m saying is: most horrible people don’t give a shit if they’re horrible. Most good people do. Most horrible people don’t let others treat them poorly, because they are selfish and cruel. Good people do let others treat them badly, because they want others to be happier than they are.
I’m telling you, being selfish and cruel is a godsend if you’ve been good all your life.
Take the sting out of those words. Take the ammo out. You’re horrible. Accept it. Permanently. Feel it out.
Now what? There’s still a whole life left that you’ve still got to live. Do you want to live it with people who treat you like shit? That’s a choice you can make, but it’s not one you have to make. Horrible people get to do what they want. Good people are constrained by how much they care about others. If you’re really so horrible, let them see what it’s like to live with a horrible person who doesn’t really give a shit what they want or think anymore
