A fantastic amount of BS
Jan. 26th, 2008 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evilehttp://sineater.livejournal.com/43125.html
January 25th, 2008
A Lesson from Saint Bill
1/25/08 10:17 pm
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"The experiment didn't work!!! Start over!!!" ~ Bill Hicks
Well obviously this was another misguided attempt. The same elements that made me question the worth of LJ in the first place glommed on almost immediately.
The pretzel logic was: If he's trying to post positive things, it MUST be to cover something BAAAAAD up! This is from the same minds that decided years ago, based on someone else's say-so, that I was:
* A meat-puppet with no will of my own, whose every word is dictated by my wife;
* Being abused by my wife;
* Enslaved;
* My favorite one was being kept in a cage and made to eat from a dog bowl.
The only reason I don't get my normal belly laugh out of the whole situation is, these same people never asked me what was going on, and when confronted about it, chose to believe other people over me. Okay, there is another reason; the main person who is doing this is my purported sister bramblekite, who despite telling me otherwise, has never given up net stalking and harrassing my wife, and encouraging other people to do the same.
And sorry,
"But I didn't mention any names!"
"Well I wasn't talking about you, but if the shoe fits, hey!"
"Hey, I can't control what others think/do/say!", and my personal favorite,
"I never thought you'd find it there (even though I joined a community/group/list/whatever and posted thinly veiled crap about you like you were too stupid to figure it out, and too polite to call me on it)
Didn't cut it then, and don't cut it now. This isn't years ago; this is days ago, and still ongoing. I love my sister, and it does pain me that she'd rather have the drama. She has as far as I can tell never realized that she is indeed attacking me, calling me a liar, stupid, weak, bullied and abused, much less what she's kept right on doing to my wife. She certainly has never apologized, or stopped. I don't think at this point that she ever will.
I'm saying this plainly because so far she has relied upon my silence; used my "being polite", not wanting to "cause a scene", against me.
Yes she is entitled to her own opinion; I am entitled to mine as well. We both share a deep mutual distrust. The key difference between her and me is this:
I have never publicly attacked her, lied about her, used her as a bad example, slagged her, put her down, talked about her behind her back, attempted to ruin her reputation, however you wish to describe it, or encouraged other people to do so. I have always approached her directly, privately when possible, and honestly. And paid the price for it every time.
Anyway, so journal-wise, it's back to friends only. Sister-wise, I am back to having no way to communicate with her. Politeness, positiveness have failed in that respect, and opening up my journal has only encouraged the llamas.
So, being unable to please everyone (eg, those who think I should be miserable, apparently), I'm going to please myself.
Tags: imago, oh noes! llamas!, the chronicles of retard
* Current Location: where I want to be, with my wife who loves me
* Current Music: Tool ~ Eulogy
* Current Mood: indifferent
=========================
If any of you are curious about this or want my perspective, I'm here. Unlike Sineater, whose MO seems to be 'letting me have it' and then slamming the door on me, and Skye, whose policy of discouraging "negativity and nastiness" involves deleting LJ comments rather than responding...
I am not up to a point-by-point response to this at the moment, and I have other things to do.
Suffice it to say that I do not base my opinions on his relationshp on hearsay, but on what I have seen and heard with my own eyes & ears, theier own words and actions, which support my perception that his relationship is abusive.
Nobody wants to hear that about themselves or their SO. I wouldn't have believed anyone (and didn't believe anyone) when they tried to point out that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
fungus_finger and I had an unhealthy relationship. I have wasted a lot of time and energy on saying flat-out what I think, which in hindsight was truly obnoxious self-righteous judgemental behavior...and it was totally the wrong thing to do.
I am not wrong in what I think and feel, but I was wrong inhow I went about sharing it with him.
Damage is done, the relationship isn't fixable.
But I suspect that if he was as 'indifferent' as he claims, he would not have friended me on LJ in the first place [yeah, I don't know how you do that with a 'misclick'], responded to my private message sent to him telling him that I felt like I was being placed in a 'no win' situation, and then done this post in LJ to follow up.
:(
Anyway...my friendlovely_fatima posted in her LJ a few days ago about a similar situation she went thru and the lessons of hindsight. I can only learn and go foward. I can't fix or change what I did, and I can't build trust when sineater believes the worst about me no matter what I say or do. And I certainly can't relate to a person as vengeful and unforgiving as skye_ds is. She remembers every bad thing that was said or done to her as if it was yesterday, it still hurts and offends her, and she won't forgive, forget, or believe that someone is truly apologetic or has truly changed. You don't get second chances with her.
And, bottom line, I don't like the way she treats people, I don't want to be around her, and he's made it plain he's a package deal.
So, end of the story. I'll see him again years from now at her funeral, or I'll see him again at his funeral. But until then we go our ways. Sad. I used to think family shouldn't be that way, but I am starting to formulate a concept of 'family' vs 'relatives' and by making that distinction, I can live with the idea of not being in each other's lives, or not trying to save him from a burning building. He doesn't want to be saved. I don't understand it, but I have got to get emotional distance from it, because it isn't healthy for me to keep on worrying over him.
January 25th, 2008
A Lesson from Saint Bill
1/25/08 10:17 pm
Add to Memories Tell a Friend Track This Flag
"The experiment didn't work!!! Start over!!!" ~ Bill Hicks
Well obviously this was another misguided attempt. The same elements that made me question the worth of LJ in the first place glommed on almost immediately.
The pretzel logic was: If he's trying to post positive things, it MUST be to cover something BAAAAAD up! This is from the same minds that decided years ago, based on someone else's say-so, that I was:
* A meat-puppet with no will of my own, whose every word is dictated by my wife;
* Being abused by my wife;
* Enslaved;
* My favorite one was being kept in a cage and made to eat from a dog bowl.
The only reason I don't get my normal belly laugh out of the whole situation is, these same people never asked me what was going on, and when confronted about it, chose to believe other people over me. Okay, there is another reason; the main person who is doing this is my purported sister bramblekite, who despite telling me otherwise, has never given up net stalking and harrassing my wife, and encouraging other people to do the same.
And sorry,
"But I didn't mention any names!"
"Well I wasn't talking about you, but if the shoe fits, hey!"
"Hey, I can't control what others think/do/say!", and my personal favorite,
"I never thought you'd find it there (even though I joined a community/group/list/whatever and posted thinly veiled crap about you like you were too stupid to figure it out, and too polite to call me on it)
Didn't cut it then, and don't cut it now. This isn't years ago; this is days ago, and still ongoing. I love my sister, and it does pain me that she'd rather have the drama. She has as far as I can tell never realized that she is indeed attacking me, calling me a liar, stupid, weak, bullied and abused, much less what she's kept right on doing to my wife. She certainly has never apologized, or stopped. I don't think at this point that she ever will.
I'm saying this plainly because so far she has relied upon my silence; used my "being polite", not wanting to "cause a scene", against me.
Yes she is entitled to her own opinion; I am entitled to mine as well. We both share a deep mutual distrust. The key difference between her and me is this:
I have never publicly attacked her, lied about her, used her as a bad example, slagged her, put her down, talked about her behind her back, attempted to ruin her reputation, however you wish to describe it, or encouraged other people to do so. I have always approached her directly, privately when possible, and honestly. And paid the price for it every time.
Anyway, so journal-wise, it's back to friends only. Sister-wise, I am back to having no way to communicate with her. Politeness, positiveness have failed in that respect, and opening up my journal has only encouraged the llamas.
So, being unable to please everyone (eg, those who think I should be miserable, apparently), I'm going to please myself.
Tags: imago, oh noes! llamas!, the chronicles of retard
* Current Location: where I want to be, with my wife who loves me
* Current Music: Tool ~ Eulogy
* Current Mood: indifferent
=========================
If any of you are curious about this or want my perspective, I'm here. Unlike Sineater, whose MO seems to be 'letting me have it' and then slamming the door on me, and Skye, whose policy of discouraging "negativity and nastiness" involves deleting LJ comments rather than responding...
I am not up to a point-by-point response to this at the moment, and I have other things to do.
Suffice it to say that I do not base my opinions on his relationshp on hearsay, but on what I have seen and heard with my own eyes & ears, theier own words and actions, which support my perception that his relationship is abusive.
Nobody wants to hear that about themselves or their SO. I wouldn't have believed anyone (and didn't believe anyone) when they tried to point out that
fungus_finger and I had an unhealthy relationship. I have wasted a lot of time and energy on saying flat-out what I think, which in hindsight was truly obnoxious self-righteous judgemental behavior...and it was totally the wrong thing to do.I am not wrong in what I think and feel, but I was wrong in
Damage is done, the relationship isn't fixable.
But I suspect that if he was as 'indifferent' as he claims, he would not have friended me on LJ in the first place [yeah, I don't know how you do that with a 'misclick'], responded to my private message sent to him telling him that I felt like I was being placed in a 'no win' situation, and then done this post in LJ to follow up.
:(
Anyway...my friend
lovely_fatima posted in her LJ a few days ago about a similar situation she went thru and the lessons of hindsight. I can only learn and go foward. I can't fix or change what I did, and I can't build trust when sineater believes the worst about me no matter what I say or do. And I certainly can't relate to a person as vengeful and unforgiving as skye_ds is. She remembers every bad thing that was said or done to her as if it was yesterday, it still hurts and offends her, and she won't forgive, forget, or believe that someone is truly apologetic or has truly changed. You don't get second chances with her.And, bottom line, I don't like the way she treats people, I don't want to be around her, and he's made it plain he's a package deal.
So, end of the story. I'll see him again years from now at her funeral, or I'll see him again at his funeral. But until then we go our ways. Sad. I used to think family shouldn't be that way, but I am starting to formulate a concept of 'family' vs 'relatives' and by making that distinction, I can live with the idea of not being in each other's lives, or not trying to save him from a burning building. He doesn't want to be saved. I don't understand it, but I have got to get emotional distance from it, because it isn't healthy for me to keep on worrying over him.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Thoughts re: The Silent Treatment
Date: 2008-01-28 07:45 pm (UTC)In the intervening 14ish years, I've gotten the silent treatment for questioning skye's ethics in breaking in to her lover's email address to fabricate evidence of an affair and make him break up with someone else. I've gotten the silent treatment for letting them know that being 4 hours late to an event at which I'd offered to let them share my vendor booth was unprofessional. I've gotten the silent treatment for befriending a boy she dated who she then broke up with and I didn't stop being his friend. Um...what else? I can't think of all of 'em. Basically, whenever I've expressed any opinion that differed from hers or any behavior that was different than an applauding audience member at a five-star performance.
Oh, and let's not forget when they've given me the silent treatment after she made a spectacle of herself at a poly dinner or party or HFS or any other gathering, had a disagreement with someone *totally not me* and somehow since it was a person I knew, it was my fault. Because, hey, his LJ even says it: He does NOT believe me when I say "I can't control what others think/do/say!"
Truly, I wish I was as omnipotent & omnicient as he seems to think I am. If that were the case, we would not be having this conversation, now, would we?
I imagine I'll be spoken to again when there's another family gathering in the offing, or if/when there is ever anything they need from me.
I won't say it doesn't hurt, but I will say that I am not going to allow it to effect how I feel about myself, or how I feel about sineater.
http://www.skiff.tcu.edu/Fall2002/101702/silent.html
http://www.lib.sk.ca/booksinfo/WesternProducer/1990/wp900614.html
http://en.allexperts.com/q/Abusive-Relationships-1663/Silent-Treatment.htm
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_the_silent_treatment_a_sign_of_abuse (the answer here, interestingly: not necessarily. I think I agree.)
http://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080125233403AAC6rgW
http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm