evile: (Default)
Today's thought from Hazelden is:


You love me so much; you want to put me in your pocket. And I should die there smothered.
--D. H. Lawrence


Adult children often try to control people to keep them from moving away. To ensure that we won't be left alone, we might smother-love them with everything we have.

Of course, we become obsessed with the person we're trying to control. But even worse, this caretaking behavior eventually leads us to become more addicted to the problem than to the person. We become good at solving other people's problems and wiping away their tears; that's our skill. And that's why we so often end up attracting and being attracted to people who have monumental personal problems.

Oftentimes, our very hanging on guarantees the relationship will fail. When we try to control those we love we stand the chance of crippling our loved ones and ourselves. We must first aim for being healthy ourselves - only then can we learn to be part of a healthy relationship.

Today, I will let my loved ones face their own problems. I can love these people without fixing them.






You are reading from the book:



Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty


Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty. Copyright 1987, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the Hazelden.


______________________________________________________________________




evile: (QThinking)
http://efap.torontopolice.on.ca/alcohol_test.html

Are You An Alcoholic?

Ask yourself the following 20 questions honestly then check your score at the end of this page. These test questions are used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland, USA in deciding if a patient is an alcoholic or not.

Formated in black and white for easy printing.

Check off Yes or No after each question then add your score at the bottom. Yes No
1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
3. Do you ever drink because you are shy with other people?
4. Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6. Have you ever gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?
8. Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10. Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11. Do you want a drink the next morning?
12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13. Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16. Do you drink alone?
17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?
19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence?
20. Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?
TOTAL

Results

If you answered yes to ONE of the above questions you may be an alcoholic.

If you answered yes to TWO of the above questions, you are an alcoholic.

If you answered yes to THREE or more of the above questions, you definitly are an alcoholic.

meeting #2

Dec. 16th, 2005 11:39 pm
evile: (Default)
this one didn't allow smoking in the building, so that was a plus. All the interesting-looking people ended up going to the simultaneous AA meeting. Oh well.Read more... )

Anyway...I just ended the evening feeling disrespected and alienated and really like that crap's not for me. I just want to stop hurting and stop crying and stop doing things the wrong way. I just want to find a happy medium between 'doormat' and 'flaming bitch'. I just want to be the person I think I should be, which means being truthful and honest and decent and loving and not a lying hypocrite with giant walls all around.
evile: (Default)
this post really speaks to my fears about AA--that it's a cult, that it pushes God/monotheism/religion on you, and that it replaces one form of pathology with another.

I'm also having problems with the 'slogans'...some of them seem very 1984 or Brave New World, in that they really don't make a whole hell of a lot of sense without the brainwashing/indoctrination/whatever. They are not really complete thoughts, ya know?


First Things First
Live and Let Live
Easy Does It
Let Go and Let God
One Day at a Time
Listen and Learn
How Important Is It?
Keep an Open Mind


Anyway...I'm not completely done with exploring Alanon. I'll try the 6 meetings and then make up my mind. (Assuming I still have a mind to make up at that point...)

A decision

Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:41 am
evile: (Default)
After yet another episode of being dragged by circumstances out of my happy denial place and face-to-face once again with My Issues, I think I've decided that I must find/make time to deal with this, or something is going to break, and I fear it will be me.

I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.

At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.

Wish me luck.

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