A decision
Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileAfter yet another episode of being dragged by circumstances out of my happy denial place and face-to-face once again with My Issues, I think I've decided that I must find/make time to deal with this, or something is going to break, and I fear it will be me.
I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.
At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.
Wish me luck.
I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.
At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.
Wish me luck.
Thanks :)
Date: 2005-12-03 12:33 am (UTC)I was looking at the alanon website and meeting times...looks like I need to go to a 'newcomer' metting first, and then maybe start attending either 'discussion' or 'adult children' meetings after that...I really don't quite understand how it all works; as with most culty-things there's an internal structure that is simply 'understood' by insiders and baffling to outsiders, designed to keep the 'ins' in and the 'outs' out...
Anyway...the first newcomer meeting that I might be able to get to is 8pm on Monday...which means I either cut short my SBC time or take SBC with me...neither option makes me happy.
I don't want to give up any more of my friend time than I already have. I love Krav, and I actually think it's part of the healing process to take care of my body and make it stronger and learn to defend myself (I'm worth defending...it's kind of a new thought, really)...
agh. I hate this. But I'm NOT going to do the usual 'pity party followed by retreat into denial' this time. I'm NOT.