A decision

[evile]

After yet another episode of being dragged by circumstances out of my happy denial place and face-to-face once again with My Issues, I think I've decided that I must find/make time to deal with this, or something is going to break, and I fear it will be me.

I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.

At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.

Wish me luck.

Comments

Re: *more hugs*

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

there are truly a phenomenal number of alanon meetings available in Austin...most of them aren't scheduled in such a way as to be accessible to me, but I am going to try a few different groups and see if I can find one that will be OK for me. I plan on listening far more than talking.

I think if I went to a 1 on 1 therapist, I'd spend the whole time convincing them how normal and functional and not in need of a therapist I am, and at the end of the session, they'd probably decide they'd healed me and I didn't need therapy anymore. I'm just that good at denial.

Thank you for being my friend; I don't really know how to accept your offer without deluging you with garbage and throwing stupid pity party bullshit, so let's just continue as we are for a bit, OK? Krav and girls night and poly dinners and the odd voyager/gwnn party every now and then, nice together time...all good.