A decision
Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileAfter yet another episode of being dragged by circumstances out of my happy denial place and face-to-face once again with My Issues, I think I've decided that I must find/make time to deal with this, or something is going to break, and I fear it will be me.
I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.
At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.
Wish me luck.
I think I will start with alanon. I think a fair number of my dysfunctional coping strategies stem from my family history of alcholism. It may be chicken/eggy to wonder if the denial, lack of communication, emotional distance, Little Prince Goldensprog & his sister Cinderella-Without-The-Ball Syndrome created the alcoholics on both sides of my family line, or if it was created BY the alcoholics...but either way, there are bad patterns of behavior that need to be told to fuck off out of my life on no uncertain terms.
At some point, it really does become more painful to try and stay the same than it is to face the dangerous uncertainty of change.
Wish me luck.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 04:46 pm (UTC)I don't want to get all culty-brainwashed group thinky...
and I dont' want to bore everyone to death with all kinds of newage bullshit me me me, my process, my issues, my bla bla bla, because I've met people like that and they are dull as dirt.
I don't want to stop being me. But the 'me' that I am now is kinda broken, and I'm afraid of what parts I am going to have to throw away in order to be healthy...
I'm really scared.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-02 05:06 pm (UTC)There's lots of stuff that goes on behind the 'cheerful, competent, functional' facade that nobody knows about...lots of places inside that are iced over...I'm tired of waking up to those things, fighting them down and going back to my happy denial place and then waking up again with the same rotten horse head staring me in the face again.
Time to take out the trash, ya know?