Quora: How may my narcissistic MiL view me after she massively underestimated me?

How may my narcissistic MiL view me after she massively underestimated me? She crossed a massive boundary and I ghosted her after that, 2 years ago. My husband is very supporting but still have contact with her when she initiates it.

To a narcissist, everyone is a tool or a threat. If you refused to be used as a tool (flying monkey, applauding audience member, supply of admiration, money, drugs, booze, sex, whatever) then you are a threat.

If your MIL is a narcissist as you say, she has been talking hellacious sh*t about you from that day to the present, to anyone who will listen. Whatever awful things she may have done to you and your husband, she tells other people lies about how YOU are the one who did those things to her. If she attacked you, she will tell everyone that you attacked her. (or did it first, or did it worse, whatever she needs to say to justify and excuse whatever violent antisocial behavior others may have observed)

The smear campaign, projection, and DARVO will not stop until and unless she gets you back as a flying monkey/tool, or until your husband divorces you (being her tool/flying monkey/obedient son)

It’s a toxic situation. I hope you and your husband are in therapy and have a very good, solid base of love and trust in your marriage.

It’s going to be very hard for him, and for you to stay married to him and stay on good terms with all your in-laws on that side of the family if she’s doing the usual narcissist things behind your back.

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Smear campaign - Wikipedia

Effort to damage someone's reputation A smear campaign , also referred to as a smear tactic or simply a smear , is an effort to damage or call into question someone's reputation , by propounding negative propaganda . [1] It makes use of discrediting tactics . It can be applied to individuals or groups. Common targets are public officials, politicians , political candidates , activists and ex-spouses. The term also applies in other contexts such as the workplace. [2] The term smear campaign became popular around 1936. [3] Definition [ edit ] A smear campaign is an intentional, premeditated effort to undermine an individual's or group's reputation, credibility, and character . Like negative campaigning , most often smear campaigns target government officials, politicians, political candidates, and other public figures. However, private persons or groups may also become targets of smear campaigns perpetrated in companies, institutions, the legal system, and other formal groups. Discrediting tactics are used to discourage people from believing in the figure or supporting their cause, such as the use of damaging quotations . Smear tactics differ from normal discourse or debate in that they do not bear upon the issues or arguments in question. A smear is a simple attempt to malign a group or an individual with the aim of undermining their credibility. Smears often consist of ad hominem attacks in the form of unverifiable rumors and distortions , half-truths , or even outright lies ; smear campaigns are often propagated by gossip magazines . Even when the facts behind a smear campaign are demonstrated to lack proper foundation, the tactic is often effective because the target's reputation is tarnished before the truth is known. Smear campaigns can also be used as a campaign tactic associated with tabloid journalism , which is a type of journalism that presents little well-researched news and instead uses eye-catching headlines, scandal-mongering and sensationalism. For example, during Gary Hart 's 1988 presidential campaign (see below), the New York Post reported on its front page big, black block letters: "GARY: I'M NO WOMANIZER." [4] [5] Smears are also effective in diverting attention away from the matter in question and onto a specific individual or group. The target of the smear typically must focus on correcting the false information rather than on the original issue. Deflection has been described as a wrap-up smear : "You make up something. Then you have the press write about it. And then you say, everybody is writing about this charge". [6] In politics [ edit ] Political debate often abuses public confidence by one candidate attempting to sway voters, not by logical argument on given issues, but by personal diatribe that does not directly bear on the matter at hand. Accusations of adultery in America date back to the 19th century. One famous example of this was the 1884 presidential campaign , in which Grover Cleveland 's opponents accused him

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smear_campaign

 

 

 

Projection

Projection is the process of displacing one’s feelings onto a different person, animal, or object. The term is most commonly used to describe defensive projection—attributing one’s own unacceptable urges to another. For example, if someone continuously bullies and ridicules a peer about his insecurities, the bully might be projecting his own struggle with self-esteem onto the other person.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/projection#:~:text=Projection%20is%20the%20process%20of,own%20unacceptable%20urges%20to%20another.

 

DARVO - Wikipedia

Acronym used to describe a common strategy of abusers DARVO (an acronym for "deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender") is a reaction that perpetrators of wrongdoing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. [1] Some researchers indicate that it is a common manipulation strategy of psychological abusers . [2] [3] [4] An abuser denies the abuse ever took place, attacks the person that was abused (often the victim) for attempting to hold the abuser accountable for their actions, and claims that they are actually the victim in the situation, thus reversing what may be a reality of victim and offender. [2] [4] It often involves not just "playing the victim" but also victim blaming . [3] Origins [ edit ] The acronym and the analysis it is based on are the work of the psychologist Jennifer Freyd . [2] The first stage of DARVO, denial, involves gaslighting . [3] [4] Jennifer Freyd writes: ... I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes threats of law suits, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on. The attack will often take the form of focusing on ridiculing the person who attempts to hold the offender accountable. ... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the abuser is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed. ... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense. [5] Examples [ edit ] Alleged examples of DARVO include: In popular media [ edit ] In the 2019 episode " Season Finale " of South Park , Randy Marsh is arrested for destroying home-growers' marijuana. Randy calls President Garrison for legal advice. [12] The President explains to him DARVO and role-plays how to use it. When Randy attempts to do so, the policemen he tries it on inform him that the tactic will not work, as Randy is not the President. See also [ edit ] References [ edit ] ^ Syal, Rajeev (June 2, 2022). "Why did the Depp-Heard libel outcomes differ in the US and UK?" . The Guardian . Archived from the original on June 3, 2022. ^ a b c Freyd, J.J. (February 1997). "II. Violations of Power, Adaptive Blindness and Betrayal Trauma Theory" (PDF) . Freyd Dynamics Lab, Department of Psychology, University of Oregon . Archived (PDF) from the original on May 1, 2020 . Retrieved November 24, 2020 . ^ a b c Harsey, Sarah (June 1, 2017). "Perpetrator Responses to Victim Confrontation: DARVO and Victim Self-Blame" . Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma . 26 (6): 644–663. doi : 10.1080/10926771.2017.1320777 . ^ a b c Wakefield, M. (March 30, 2020). "How Narcissists Use DARVO to Escape Accountability" . Narcissistic Abuse Rehab . Archived from the original on January 10,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO

 

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