The problem with housemess

 I had a friend I trusted enough to let them into my home during a period of depression/inactivity that has made my house not acceptable for having people over, generally. no parties brunches dinners gatherings, etc. Let the person in even during pandemic. Various things happened and we aren't close anymore. But here is one of the main things, for me: 

 

They started to return to a topic repeatedly, that there are people who can help me clean, for money or exchange of services/barter.

 

I am sure they were trying to be helpful but it made me feel judged and bad.

 

I don't like strangers in my house. I don't like people touching my stuff. I don't like feeling judged and bad.

 

My brain doesn't work good, I don't have memories like other people seem to have. All I have is the occasional blip or flit of a memory that is triggered by an object in my home. I see a thing or pick it up and go "oh yeah, so and so gave that to me" and then I remember so and so and what they meant to me and something we did together, or something they said. It's patchwork bits and pieces. just like my house.

 

so..no, please don't tell me I need people I don't know to touch my brain and mess things up so I can't find them and can't remember anything anymore. This is all I have. I'm sorry it's dirty and messy and covered in dust. it's all I have

much belated sympathy, empathy, for my hoarder Great Depression survivor granny B. I don't want my house to look like that. And i don't think it does. It' s just not a 'showplace' . It's my space. It's my brain. It's my memory palace. I'm not going to let strangers in here, I'm not going to let people in here who are going to judge me and tell me I need to clean it.

This is something that's been simmering in my mind for awhile, I just needed to get it out. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.

 

Quora: What is the difference between a narc vs a covert narc 🤷‍♀️?

What is the difference between a narc vs a covert narc 🤷‍♀️?

I would say that, based on my experience, the narc gives their target a ‘show’ that will draw them in and make them give the narc whatever the narc wants, whether that's an illusion of Greatness or an illusion of Vulnerability/woundedness.

So, if you are the type to fall for a powerful, large and in charge type personality that is the ‘show’ the narc will put on to hook you in.

If, like most codependents and ‘empaths’ in the world, you are more drawn to the wounded soul, the sensitive person who has been through so much, the damsel in distress, or the misunderstood sensitive poet/genius, you are going to be easier to snag with a ‘poor pitiful me!’ story.

I might also theorize that narcs who are ‘higher functioning’ are the ones who can adapt their behavior and performance in a way that draws people in, so the grandiose braggarts are less functional and easier to spot and withdraw from, than the covert who can change their behavior to suit their audience and play the victim so skillfully.

Another thought I have had is that narcissistic personality disorder may be co-morbid with other mental health issues and/or other personality disorders. So a narc may cycle through bipolar episodes, possibly triggered by a narcissistic injury, that would kick them from ‘grandiose’ to ‘victim’ mode.

And some narcissists may find, with age and loss of good looks, sexual vitality, physical health, stamina, etc. they have to change their game to keep the supply going. As a young man or woman, they can draw in victims with an attractive appearance, sex, drugs, extravagant spending,-- basically an "endless party lifestyle," but as they age, become ill due to years of over-indulgence, etc. they have to fall back on the ‘poor me’ story and the victim act more and more because that gets them attention and people willing to serve and enable them, too. 

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