evile

"Some people will never like you because your spirit irritates their inner demons." Denzel Washington I really understand how this saying would apply to a narcissist. Out of curiosity does anyone else understand this the same way I do?

It’s true, in the sense that the Narcissist is a very jealous, insecure, and envious person. They will always want to take what others have, and if they can’t have it, they will destroy it so that no one can have it (peace, for example)

On the other hand, I think there is a lot of peace to be gained when we can stop thinking so much about why other people did this or that, and stop analyzing others so much.

At the end of the day, you don’t really need to understand why someone treated you badly, or why someone is so unpleasant to everyone, or why someone is so unhappy that they have to tear down other people to make themselves feel better—it is best to observe the behavior without internalizing any of it or taking any of it personally, recognize that you don’t want people who act like that in your life, and use that discernment to move along peacefully.

If you do anything other than peacefully pass it by, the narcissist will try their best to stick you with his or her problems (demons) via projection [1] . Their presence in your life is like someone trying to hand you a big old handful of horse poo. You don’t need to accept it. And if you find that you have accidentally engaged with such a person and find yourself holding the handful of poo, you have every right to drop the unwelcome burden of the narcissist’s projections, walk away, and clean yourself up.

Footnotes

[1] Projection

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Possibly[1]

The only caveat I’d offer is that HSP[2]is not recognized by the DSM [3] at this time; there’s a lot of neuroscience to indicate that there is a legitimate phenomenon BUT, at this time, it’s not recognized as a psychological disorder or condition.[4]

The ‘sensitivities’ recognized as neurological condition some people are calling “HSP” seem to be sensitivity to 5-senses sensory type input: hearing, sight, smell, sound, and touch. Those sensitivities can cause the person experiencing them to behave in abnormal fashion, I suppose, but being a HSP is not an emotional/psychological disorder, per se.

Additionally, I feel that some folks who self-identify as “HSP[5] ” may be misunderstanding or misusing the term HSP[6 ] and referring to emotional sensitivity, and trying to categorize themselves somewhere in the ‘empath’ spectrum of self-labeling. The quality of having or showing ‘empathy[7] ’ is a recognized behavioral trait, but being “An Empath[8] ” is not a psychological condition recognized in the DSM .

Codependency[9] may be a closer term to what these self-labeling “HSP”s are identifying in themselves: often caused being traumatized/abused as a child, or being traumatized in a relationship (parents or SO are addicts, narcissists, abusers, etc. so their behavior is abnormal and potentially harmful or fatal to the child depending on them for existence) to the point where you become very attuned to the words, behavior, body language, and facial expressions of the person (s) in your life who are important to your survival and well being, practicing self-denial, care-taking and people-pleasing to the point of self harm[10]

At the end of the day, what it comes down to for me is how a person behaves. If someone is screaming in my face, I don’t particularly care that they are upset because their engine was making a noise only they could hear and that put them on edge so they felt they had to start screaming at me, or if they are crying and yelling at me all night because the tag on their PJs feels painful to them and therefore triggered an outburst, or if they smelled pumpkin pie too strongly and therefore felt they had to start punching me in the face because the scent of pumpkin enrages them….what matters to me, personally, is the behavior they are exhibiting. I do not care to be screamed at, cried at, or punched in the face, regardless of what stimuli the person screaming, crying, or punching is reacting to.

If you are an abusive person looking for excuses to behave badly, you can certainly find them in these labels. “I”m so sensitive, I can’t help it that everything upsets me,” …sure, fine, you can’t help your feelings and you may indeed feel triggered by sensory input that others do not perceive. You may see a facial expression or hear a tone of voice that causes anxiety. Self awareness is a key to growth, so it’s great that you noticed that about yourself.

The next step is NOT to allow yourself to behave badly towards others as a result of your triggers. Try to refrain from making excuses for your abusive behavior, but instead take responsibility for your actions and words, no matter how upsetting it is to hear someone chewing their food too loudly, or making that face at you, or carrying a hazelnut latte past your window when the scent of fake hazelnut makes you sick to your stomach and full of anxiety.

And, on the other side of the coin, if you are making excuses for bad behavior directed at yourself because the person (s) in your life is “sensitive” or “an empath” or “was abused as a child” or “has a disease”…. STOP. You do not need to provide time, attention, or space in your life for someone to mistreat you. Even if they are a drowning person grabbing out desperately for a life line and scratching you to pieces in their desperation, that does not excuse or forgive the damage they are doing.

Bottom line: You are responsible for your own behavior, no matter how upset, aggravating, or fearsome something else outside of your control may be. You cannot always choose what happens to you. You cannot control how other people behave. You cannot choose how strongly you smell, taste, hear, or feel sensory data. But you can always choose how to behave.

Footnotes

[1]

Is it possible that a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and Covert narcissistic person have the same behavior and pattern in relationship? ?

[2]

Highly Sensitive Person

[3]

DSM-5

[4]

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-controversy-over-highly-sensitive-people

[5]

Being "Highly Sensitive" Is a Real Trait. Here’s What It Feels Li

[6]