Quora: How do you know if someone is a narcissist or just a user?

How do you know if someone is a narcissist or just a user? Narcissists are mentally ill; users are just awful people. How do I tell the difference?

"I just got bitten by a dog. How can I tell if it is a Husky or an Akita?"

….does it matter? And, if so, why? Is there some part of you that is still craving a connection of kindness, love, and understanding with a person who is treating you badly? Do you think the relationship would be able to be fixed or saved if you knew what, exactly, was wrong with the person mistreating you?

I understand the temptation to try and figure out other people in hopes that in some way the understanding will lead you to be able to help, fix, or change their behavior towards you.

The truth is that it really doesn’t matter if someone is using you because they’re a jerk, or because they were poor growing up, or because they’re having a bad day, or because they are brain damaged.

In every single interaction with others, the important thing is how they behave. Not why they behave that way. If a person is behaving badly and does not seem interested in (or capable of) treating you kindly and respectfully, you owe it to yourself to exit that relationship as soon as possible. Whether this person is a user or a narcissist absolutely does not matter. The fact that they are not treating you well is the only measurement you need to apply.

Kind hearted and empathetic people can really get too bogged down in trying to explain, analyze, understand, and fix other people. That’s not your job. Your job is to be the best you that you can be, and part of that is to respect yourself enough not to spend time with people who disrespect you.

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 Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. 
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Quora: Is there a limit on the amount of hoovering and how many times a covert female narc discards

 

Is there a limit on the amount of hoovering and how many times a covert female narc discards her close friends.I have been hoovered once by this friend. Now I am receiving a second silenttreatment/discard. I would like to know if this is final?

I guess I’m dealing in dog metaphors today.

Have you ever played fetch with a toy-obsessed dog before? That dog will run after that toy every single time you throw it away and bring it back. The game will continue for hours and hours, if you let it. The dog loves the toy and will keep on playing for as long as you keep throwing.

The narcissist mind is about on that same level of obsession and compulsion. They will keep throwing you away as many times as you keep coming back. They will never stop throwing you away and ‘barking’ for you to come back so they can throw you away again. This is a fun game for them. You are just a toy.  They won’t get tired of it, they won’t ever treat you any better, and they won’t stop until you put a stop to it.

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 Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. 
They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

Quora: Do malignant narcissists self-destruct?

Oh, boy, do they! Malignant Narcissists are adrenaline junkies, and perhaps other kinds of junkies, too. If there’s anything they like doing, then they’re gonna OVER-do—eat too much, drink too much, drug too much, spend too much, drive too fast, have lots of risky sex acts with multiple partners, absolutely! They want it all, they want it now, and they will not take NO for an answer. They don’t hear 'no' from others and they aren’t even able to tell themselves ‘no’. Narcissists have very little in the way of self-discipline or self-regulation. If owning one of something is good for everyone else, they’ll feel the need to own a dozen. One pill fixes your headache, so the narcissist will take 4.  One husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is good for normal people, but the narc needs more! 

The tendency to over-do manifests in every area of their lives; coupled with a refusal to take responsibility for their actions and a deliberate blindness to consequences, the narcissist will eventually destroy or drive away everyone who cares about them, ruin their own health, lives, finances, and livelihoods, and eventually decompensate until they are no longer functional. Best to steer clear of the blast zone when the narc finally implodes. It’s not pretty. 

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 Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. 
They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.