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It really depends on where you are in the relationship cycle. There are two cycles when dealing with a narcissist: Idealize =>Devalue =>Discard[1]and then there is the cycle of abuse, when dealing with an abusive personality of any sort: Calm/Honeymoon=>Tension building =>Abuse (rage out, temper tantrum, verbal, emotional or physical assault)=>Reconciliation (apologies, gifts, excuses, promises, etc.)[2]
If it is early in the relationship and the narc has you up on a pedestal as their one and only perfect one, or if you are in the reconciliation or calm phase, the narc may clean house, prepare a delightful meal, make a trail of rose petals to the bedroom where she/he will knock you out with acts seen and dreamt of only in the back rooms of Nevada’s finest establishments, etc.
Later on, she/he will snoop around, get into your things, read your emails or old letters, get into your bills, and look for things to accuse you of when you get home. (Tension Building) He or she may call you at work to demand an explanation of the 10 year old photograph found of you smiling and standing next to another man/woman —how DARE you keep mementos of another love, how DARE you have pleasant memories of anyone but Dear Narcy, how DARE you, don’t you know how hurtful and offensive you are? If you tolerate such work interruptions, they will increase in duration, quantity, and emotional bug-nuttery. You may end up being in trouble at work, or losing your job because the Narc will not let it go, and will get you wound-up and upset so that the quality of your work will suffer.
Another possibility during the Tension Building and/or Devalue stage of the relationship is that Narcy may just start ignoring you in favor of image-building on social media, hunting for new “one and only true love” on dating sites, sexting, or actually physically cheating. The narcissist is always looking for supply. Affairs are excellent sources of supply.
Either way, the next step is ABUSE! There will be rage-outs, tantrums, physical violence. Your valuables may be destroyed or thrown away, your narc may call you out on social media, badmouth you to friends and family, call your boss to tell him or her what a jerk you are, whatever. When the Narcissist is on a tear, there is no deed too over-the-top or too vile to contemplate. When they get their rage going, they will burn down the world to hurt you.
Depending on how you respond, she or he may be coaxed into another honeymoon/calm phase and you can repeat the cycle of abuse as many times as it takes for you to either die or leave.
Or, if she or he has found a new supply, the Narcissist will leave you high and dry and move on to the next victim.
As Donny Michaels observed: believe them when they threaten you. They are absolutely 100% capable of everything they say they’ll do. Don’t give them access to your home, your records, your photographs, your computer, phone, tablet, or any other way to snoop. Make a ‘get safe [3]’ plan and execute it as quickly as you can once you are ready to leave.
Please understand there is no good outcome to this relationship. You cannot heal, fix, or save this person. They will damage you as deeply and permanently as they can on their way out. Once you realize that the person you are with is a narcissist, you have all the knowledge you need to end the relationship. You don’t need to figure out what kind, how bad it is, or any other thing. This person is dangerous, predatory, damaged, and evil. Leave.
Footnotes
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Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.
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