evile

How do you know if someone is a narcissist or just a user? Narcissists are mentally ill; users are just awful people. How do I tell the difference?

"I just got bitten by a dog. How can I tell if it is a Husky or an Akita?"

….does it matter? And, if so, why? Is there some part of you that is still craving a connection of kindness, love, and understanding with a person who is treating you badly? Do you think the relationship would be able to be fixed or saved if you knew what, exactly, was wrong with the person mistreating you?

I understand the temptation to try and figure out other people in hopes that in some way the understanding will lead you to be able to help, fix, or change their behavior towards you.

The truth is that it really doesn’t matter if someone is using you because they’re a jerk, or because they were poor growing up, or because they’re having a bad day, or because they are brain damaged.

In every single interaction with others, the important thing is how they behave. Not why they behave that way. If a person is behaving badly and does not seem interested in (or capable of) treating you kindly and respectfully, you owe it to yourself to exit that relationship as soon as possible. Whether this person is a user or a narcissist absolutely does not matter. The fact that they are not treating you well is the only measurement you need to apply.

Kind hearted and empathetic people can really get too bogged down in trying to explain, analyze, understand, and fix other people. That’s not your job. Your job is to be the best you that you can be, and part of that is to respect yourself enough not to spend time with people who disrespect you.

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