Quora: When a narcissist finally reveals themselves as being submissive

When a narcissist finally reveals themselves as being submissive, does it mean you have defeated their narcissistic ways?

 


No. Narcissism is a mental health issue or a brain disease. You can not ‘defeat’ a mental health disorder any more than you could date someone with a missing leg and love them enough for their leg to grow back. It just doesn’t work that way.

If you are speaking of ‘submissive’ in terms of a BDSM or kinky type relationship, some narcissists say they are ‘submissive’ when it actually means that they wish to be ‘lazy’ in bed—you do all the work to please them and they just lay there and enjoy it. They are not actually ‘submissive’ in the sense of wishing to please you or do what you ask. [see also: "Topping from the bottom"]

Narcissists will say just about anything to keep someone hooked, and they can put on a mask of ‘submission’ for a time if that is what they think their target wants them to be, but it is just another lie by the narcissist to get what they want out of someone.

Again, narcissism is a mental health problem. It is not a choice by the person to behave in a bratty way, it is the way they are and without professional help and a professional diagnosis, there is no way for anyone outside of themselves to ‘defeat their narcissistic ways’. A narcissist must recognize that their behavior is toxic, seek help,and then work very hard on themselves to improve. It is not something that someone else can force them to do, or do to them or for them.

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