Quora: What are some techniques you can give on how to manipulate/handle a narcissist

What are some techniques you can give on how to manipulate/handle a narcissist, besides no contact or don’t manipulate them?

 



Sure!

One: agree with them. All the time. No matter what. Enthusiastically. What? They told you that the sky was blue and then five minutes later they say the sky is green? Don’t point out the contradictions or changes or even notice them. We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

Two; praise them. All the time. No matter what. Enthusiastically. OK, so they just did a massive rage-out and humiliated you in front of friends, family, or coworkers. That’s OK, that’s great. They were right and you were wrong. Maybe throw in an apology. Nothing a narcissist likes better than a groveling slave.

Three: Give them presents. All the time. No matter what. Enthusiastically. You know what, just give them your wallet and all your credit cards. They’re worth it and they deserve to benefit from all of your hard work in life, far more than you do, you dull and boring wage-slave. Their wonderfulness is what keeps them from being able to hold down a job like you do. Everyone is just too jealous of them or wants to have sex with them, so they have to quit their jobs one after the other after the other. So work hard for your darling NPD. Their fifth Coach bag or an upgrade to their sports equipment is far more important than you paying any of your bills, feeding yourself, or having a roof to live under. Go ahead, let ’em splurge! The massive debt is just a reminder of how much you love and cherish that CB!

Four: NEVER be better, smarter, more attractive, more successful, or more well-liked than your narcissist. Ok, it’s probably not possible to control how much other people like you, so best to just not have any friends or belong to any groups or do any activities outside of worship and adoration of your lovely Narc. Be sure to stay away from your family, who will stupidly take your side over the narcissist, and idiotically love you more than they love your narcissist leech. Which will only make your life hell when the narcissist gets you home and punishes you for your family’s love and caring. It’s just not worth it!

Five: don’t have any interests or hobbies other than what your narcissist wants you to do, every minute of every day. If s/he’s ignoring you, you should just sit and wait quietly for his/her next order, command, whim, rage-out, slap, or scream. Maybe s/he will let you rub their feet while they sit on Facebook telling everyone how hard life is and how hard they work and how ungrateful and unhelpful you are. Maybe s/he can use you as a bench or carpet or footrest while complaining on the phone to friends, family, and flying monkeys about what a craphead you are. If you’re really lucky, maybe you can clean the narcissist’s house or do his/her dishes while s/he sits on the couch and plays video games, watches porn, or sexts with other people. Perhaps your narcissist will bless you with a ‘chore list’ as if they were the adult in your relationship and you were the disobedient, lazy child. Do each chore perfectly and quickly; don’t worry, no matter how well you do or how long it takes, your abuser won’t be happy with your work or grateful for your efforts. Just work harder and don’t expect gratitude. Don’t dare to live your life for yourself or try to be happy, everything you do should be for the benefit of your dear and lovely narcissist.

Good luck!

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Quora; If the choice was made by the Narcissist at about age 4

If the choice was made by the Narcissist at about age 4 that they would take a narcissistic approach, then should we understand that their approach as someone older may have been different?

 I don’t think your question displays a good understanding of narcissism. There is no ‘choice’ involved in being a narcissist. Narcissism is a mental illness. People do not ‘choose’ to get Covid or ‘choose’ to be born with spina bifida or ‘choose’ to be born with blue eyes. People do not ‘choose’ to ‘become’ a narcissist. It is an inborn defect in brain structure, or a defect in brain development brought on by trauma.

Furthermore, a 4 year old child is not capable of the kind of high level thinking that would inform their adult identity. How many people do you know who said “I’m going to be an astronaut when I grow up” at age 4 who are astronauts now? It’s more correct to say that either brain damage or abuse, or some combination of both, causes a person not to be able to advance past the emotional development of a 4 year old—so a person may be 40 years old with the book learning intelligence and vocabulary of a 40 year old but emotionally they are still in the state of a 4 year old child—impatience, selfishness, temper tantrums, etc. They may have adult physical desires and adult intellect, but emotionally they remain children over their entire lifetime. It’s not a choice a person makes.

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.

 

 

Quora: How hard could a second, third, and fourth supply be arranged to get a narcissist to be into

How hard could a second, third, and fourth supply be arranged to get a narcissist to be into a different person?

 “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

~Maya Angelou[1]

 

Your question seems to frame the problem as the narcissist not getting all of their needs met, and ‘if only’ their supplies could be arranged properly, they would suddenly become functional, decent human beings. If they could just get Supply 1 to love them up regularly, Supply 2 to cook and clean, Supply 3 to work and bring in money, and Supply 4 to watch the kids, then viola, the Narcissist could finally be ‘a different person’. They’d finally be happy. They’d finally be grateful. They’d finally stop complaining about how hard their lives are and how hard they work and how everyone around them is ungrateful and lazy. Nope, nope, nope, and NOPE!

Look, narcissists aren’t strings of holiday lights; there’s no way to plug them in that will make them blink, change color, or shine steadily the way you might like them to. It just doesn’t work that way.

Narcissists are black holes of need, greed, and emptiness that cannot be filled, even with four supplies working as hard as they can to please and fulfil them. They don’t give, they don’t care, they only take and take. They aren’t grateful, their supplies are emptied and replaced. The person to try and make into a different person is YOU. Make yourself into a stronger person who doesn’t give your time and energy to ungrateful uncaring empty people. Make yourself into a person who can accept love and kindness from others as much as you give it.

The narcissist will not change; they will never love you, they will never be grateful and they will never feel remorse for all of the harm they have done. You are the one who must change if you want to be happy.

Footnotes

[1] 

 

A quote by Oprah Winfrey

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Editing to add:  Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com.  They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.