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evile“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
~Maya Angelou[1]
Your question seems to frame the problem as the narcissist not getting all of their needs met, and ‘if only’ their supplies could be arranged properly, they would suddenly become functional, decent human beings. If they could just get Supply 1 to love them up regularly, Supply 2 to cook and clean, Supply 3 to work and bring in money, and Supply 4 to watch the kids, then viola, the Narcissist could finally be ‘a different person’. They’d finally be happy. They’d finally be grateful. They’d finally stop complaining about how hard their lives are and how hard they work and how everyone around them is ungrateful and lazy. Nope, nope, nope, and NOPE!
Look, narcissists aren’t strings of holiday lights; there’s no way to plug them in that will make them blink, change color, or shine steadily the way you might like them to. It just doesn’t work that way.
Narcissists are black holes of need, greed, and emptiness that cannot be filled, even with four supplies working as hard as they can to please and fulfil them. They don’t give, they don’t care, they only take and take. They aren’t grateful, their supplies are emptied and replaced. The person to try and make into a different person is YOU. Make yourself into a stronger person who doesn’t give your time and energy to ungrateful uncaring empty people. Make yourself into a person who can accept love and kindness from others as much as you give it.
The narcissist will not change; they will never love you, they will never be grateful and they will never feel remorse for all of the harm they have done. You are the one who must change if you want to be happy.
Footnotes
Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.
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