Why are NPD people not held accountable for their childish yet ruthless behavior? They are, in fact, in full control of what they choose to do.
Holding an NPD abuser accountable is like nailing jello to a tree…it just doesn’t work, they are slippery and slimy and they fall apart! They have so many manipulative tricks that are second nature to them.
The first trick they’ll try is DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
"I didn’t hit you, you started the fight when you hit me back! It’s all your fault, I wouldn’t have to hit you if you had just listened to me and done what I told you to do in the first place!”
They also have a habit of picking a time and place where their target is vulnerable and inserting their own reality into the person’s mind (brainwashing). They may have a dream where their partner is cheating on them, wake their partner up and scream and cry at them about their ‘cheating’ until they force the person to ‘confess’ that they did actually cheat…and then hold their ‘cheating’ against them for the rest of their lives, and use their ‘cheating’ as an excuse to perpetrate infidelities themselves, since ‘you did it first’.
“Cheating’ can also be defined by the person looking at attractive people on television or in movies, which is then an excuse for the NPD to go out and sleep with other people in real life. This seems so outlandish and crazy, but both the NPD abuser and their target will legitimately actually BELIEVE that the target cheated, in real life, due to a dream or just looking at an attractive actor on a screen. It is truly bizarre. The target never has an opportunity to deal in reality and confront the NPD with their infidelity because they’ve been manipulated into allowing it due to their own ‘indiscretions’ which ‘forced’ the NPD to cheat and ‘teach them a lesson’ or 'make us even' (or whatever.)
The rules are always changing, so that the abuser can always say their target broke a rule in order to justify whatever abuse they want to dish out. The truth is: narcs gonna narc. They are going to do whatever they want to do in the moment, and backfill with justifications and excuses after the fact.
The narcissist’s world is so inside out and upside down crazy-town that there is no link in their mind between cause and effect. And if you stick around long enough, you will also adopt this crazy-town way of thinking and begin to find meaning in the Narcissist’s word-salad, and agree with them that you deserve no blame for the negative things in their lives. Narcissists do not accept or even understand consequences for their own behavior. Everything bad that happens to them is someone else’s fault, never a logical progression from their own choices and behavior.
Strangely, everything good that ever happens to them is because of their super genius professional expertise, rather than because they were lucky, or had a team of people helping them (or doing the work for them, most likely). Their minds just don't work the way normal people’s minds work.They are incapable of accepting responsiblity for any negativity in their lives. They are incapable of accepting responsibility for their own behavior. There is no ‘there’ there. All of those features of a normal person’s mind are just *missing*. You can try all day long until you turn blue and die, but you can never hold a narcissist responsible for their behavior. They just will not accept it. They will not change. They will not ever get well. Good luck with that jell-o.
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