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One of my biggest mistakes
Jan. 29th, 2015 05:01 pm01-29-2015 at 06:07 PM (42 Views)
was in not realizing sooner that every time my brother's wife felt insulted, offended, or hurt by me [or any of his other family members or friends], she would find a way to take it out on her husband, my brother.
Additionally, once she and I were no longer on speaking terms, it turned out that every pleasant interaction I would have with my stepbrother would mean he would go home and gets hours of shrieking, screaming, and crying from his wife. He gets thrown out of the house. He gets divorce threats. He is physically assaulted. EVERY SINGLE TIME he has a good interaction with someone she dislikes, he gets the living crap beat out of him, physically, verbally, and emotionally.
Now that I know that, it is not worth it to me to engage him in public if she is around anymore. Because I know he will pay horrifically for the 'offense' of speaking to someone she does not like.
If you ever get the speech that the abusive crazy woman in your life 'just can't help' her outbursts of rage and violence, please know that it is utter BS.
If she 'just can't control' her violent impulses at being hurt, offended, "upstaged", "outsmarted," "one-upped," (etc.) by her husband's friend or family member, she would have gone nutso and attacked the actual person who caused the offense. She knows damn well that she can't get away with that, so she goes after her captive and punishes him for the 'offense' of having family or friends.
For those like me, your loved one becomes her whipping boy; by punishing him, she knows she is also punishing you, because you care about him and don't want to see him being hit, screamed at, belittled, or forced to give up friends and activities he enjoys because they give offense to The Crazy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whipping_boy
For those who love a person in an abusive relationship: Stay focused on the safety of the hostage. Do not engage in power struggles with the Crazy! Make your loved one want to speak with you and see you and spend time with you by being affectionate, cheerful, positive, and absolutely neutral. Keep the cage door open. Make it easy for him to leave by staying available and letting go of whatever ego attachments you have to 'winning' or 'showing her up' or whatever is going on that makes you engage in struggles with the Crazy. It's not about HER [and won't that piss her off? She wants to be the center of everyone's universe, good or bad, so don't let her!], it's about the person you love and want to see free and happy.
was in not realizing sooner that every time my brother's wife felt insulted, offended, or hurt by me [or any of his other family members or friends], she would find a way to take it out on her husband, my brother.
Additionally, once she and I were no longer on speaking terms, it turned out that every pleasant interaction I would have with my stepbrother would mean he would go home and gets hours of shrieking, screaming, and crying from his wife. He gets thrown out of the house. He gets divorce threats. He is physically assaulted. EVERY SINGLE TIME he has a good interaction with someone she dislikes, he gets the living crap beat out of him, physically, verbally, and emotionally.
Now that I know that, it is not worth it to me to engage him in public if she is around anymore. Because I know he will pay horrifically for the 'offense' of speaking to someone she does not like.
If you ever get the speech that the abusive crazy woman in your life 'just can't help' her outbursts of rage and violence, please know that it is utter BS.
If she 'just can't control' her violent impulses at being hurt, offended, "upstaged", "outsmarted," "one-upped," (etc.) by her husband's friend or family member, she would have gone nutso and attacked the actual person who caused the offense. She knows damn well that she can't get away with that, so she goes after her captive and punishes him for the 'offense' of having family or friends.
For those like me, your loved one becomes her whipping boy; by punishing him, she knows she is also punishing you, because you care about him and don't want to see him being hit, screamed at, belittled, or forced to give up friends and activities he enjoys because they give offense to The Crazy.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whipping_boy
For those who love a person in an abusive relationship: Stay focused on the safety of the hostage. Do not engage in power struggles with the Crazy! Make your loved one want to speak with you and see you and spend time with you by being affectionate, cheerful, positive, and absolutely neutral. Keep the cage door open. Make it easy for him to leave by staying available and letting go of whatever ego attachments you have to 'winning' or 'showing her up' or whatever is going on that makes you engage in struggles with the Crazy. It's not about HER [and won't that piss her off? She wants to be the center of everyone's universe, good or bad, so don't let her!], it's about the person you love and want to see free and happy.
