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01-16-2015 at 10:54 AM (82 Views)
"Why does it always seem like they're winning and getting their way? When will karma finally catch up with them?"
This was question #8 from here:
https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/top-10-frequently-asked-questions-about-relationships-with-psychopaths-narcissists.324/
After some experience and reflection, it finally dawned on me that they AREN'T winning. Karma is busily chewing their butts off, but unfortunately a narcissist/sociopath/abuser/CB just doesn't have the self-awareness to realize it.
I have watched time and again making the same stupid mistakes and screaming and crying, playing the victim, and blaming everyone and everything but herself when doing the same stupid, evil thing time and again yields the same negative results time and again.
She joins group after group, starts crap with established group leadership, disobeys established group rules, takes advantage of people's kindness for a while, and eventually either gets thrown out or gets called out on her bad behavior, throws a hissy fit and leaves on her own .
She neglects her health until she ends up in the ER. She doesn't learn, she doesn't change her habits, she just goes on eating and drinking and pilling herself into an early grave. [not early enough, IMHO]
She has bad experiences hauling animals for pay (illegally) time and again ending up with the sort of shady, crappy clients that one would expect to patronize an illegal animal hauler, and she doesn't learn. She won't take the steps to become a legitimate licensed hauler and therefore find a better quality of customer.
She buys a new truck and then buys an animal trailer that is too big for the truck to haul. The truck transmission dies. She buys a bigger truck, all is well for a while, then she buys a bigger animal trailer, the truck transmission dies. I've seen her do this at least 6 times that I know of and she DOES NOT LEARN. She WILL NOT CHANGE.
She also has a habit of driving her 'rig' places she shouldn't and getting stuck and needing emergency vehicles to come and rescue her and a trailer full of panicked livestock.
Sadly, this is also true of her 'abusive' husband: she screams and pushes him until he breaks. or he temporarily wakes up and tries to leave, and she doubles down on the abusive, controlling behavior time and again. She talks divorce every time. She throws him out of the house every time. She makes up crazy rules about where he is allowed to go, what he is allowed to do, and who he is allowed to see or speak to. For example: He is only allowed into the house to clean and cook and then he has to return to the animal barn. He is only allowed to see his favorite animal for X minutes a day, etc etc. Eventually either he buckles down enough for her to feel back in control, or she gets bored of enforcing her discipline and it lets up again...until the next blow up...it's a miserable way to live, for both of them.
So every time Karma up and bites her in the ass for being such a miserable hateful looney shrew, she screams and fusses and cries and complains, and all her flying monkeys pat her on the head and tell her what a wonderful person she is, and then she goes out and does the same stupid things again & again.
Psychopathfree puts it quite nicely:
Psychopaths are obsessed with winning. They invent games and trick others into participating, without ever explaining the rules. In fact, their targets are never even aware that they're playing a game to begin with. Psychopaths exploit vulnerabilities and dreams in order to fool others, and then gleefully declare victory when their target is left broken & devastated. By manufacturing and controlling every aspect of the game, they assure themselves that they are always “winning”, but in reality, these games are merely a distraction from their life-consuming jealousy and boredom.
I see it a little bit differently: trying to have a relationship with a CB is like sitting down to a game of chess with a chicken. The bird shits all over the board, then struts around crowing like it won.
Chess is the game of Humanity. It is relating to others, caring, kindness, empathy, connection. It is loving people, and being happy for their happiness, and sad for sadness. It is having a soul.
The chicken, OTOH, is merely a stupid little descendant of dinosaurs. It barely sees the board and has no idea what the pieces are for. Shitting and crowing is all it knows.
You can't play a game of chess with a chicken. It may always 'win' the game it is playing in it's own tiny mind, but that's not true winning. And you can't win, either, because the chicken is playing by a different set of rules, in which it always wins and you always lose. The only way not to have your board soiled is not to play chess with a chicken.
"Why does it always seem like they're winning and getting their way? When will karma finally catch up with them?"
This was question #8 from here:
https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/top-10-frequently-asked-questions-about-relationships-with-psychopaths-narcissists.324/
After some experience and reflection, it finally dawned on me that they AREN'T winning. Karma is busily chewing their butts off, but unfortunately a narcissist/sociopath/abuser/CB just doesn't have the self-awareness to realize it.
I have watched time and again making the same stupid mistakes and screaming and crying, playing the victim, and blaming everyone and everything but herself when doing the same stupid, evil thing time and again yields the same negative results time and again.
She joins group after group, starts crap with established group leadership, disobeys established group rules, takes advantage of people's kindness for a while, and eventually either gets thrown out or gets called out on her bad behavior, throws a hissy fit and leaves on her own .
She neglects her health until she ends up in the ER. She doesn't learn, she doesn't change her habits, she just goes on eating and drinking and pilling herself into an early grave. [not early enough, IMHO]
She has bad experiences hauling animals for pay (illegally) time and again ending up with the sort of shady, crappy clients that one would expect to patronize an illegal animal hauler, and she doesn't learn. She won't take the steps to become a legitimate licensed hauler and therefore find a better quality of customer.
She buys a new truck and then buys an animal trailer that is too big for the truck to haul. The truck transmission dies. She buys a bigger truck, all is well for a while, then she buys a bigger animal trailer, the truck transmission dies. I've seen her do this at least 6 times that I know of and she DOES NOT LEARN. She WILL NOT CHANGE.
She also has a habit of driving her 'rig' places she shouldn't and getting stuck and needing emergency vehicles to come and rescue her and a trailer full of panicked livestock.
Sadly, this is also true of her 'abusive' husband: she screams and pushes him until he breaks. or he temporarily wakes up and tries to leave, and she doubles down on the abusive, controlling behavior time and again. She talks divorce every time. She throws him out of the house every time. She makes up crazy rules about where he is allowed to go, what he is allowed to do, and who he is allowed to see or speak to. For example: He is only allowed into the house to clean and cook and then he has to return to the animal barn. He is only allowed to see his favorite animal for X minutes a day, etc etc. Eventually either he buckles down enough for her to feel back in control, or she gets bored of enforcing her discipline and it lets up again...until the next blow up...it's a miserable way to live, for both of them.
So every time Karma up and bites her in the ass for being such a miserable hateful looney shrew, she screams and fusses and cries and complains, and all her flying monkeys pat her on the head and tell her what a wonderful person she is, and then she goes out and does the same stupid things again & again.
Psychopathfree puts it quite nicely:
Psychopaths are obsessed with winning. They invent games and trick others into participating, without ever explaining the rules. In fact, their targets are never even aware that they're playing a game to begin with. Psychopaths exploit vulnerabilities and dreams in order to fool others, and then gleefully declare victory when their target is left broken & devastated. By manufacturing and controlling every aspect of the game, they assure themselves that they are always “winning”, but in reality, these games are merely a distraction from their life-consuming jealousy and boredom.
I see it a little bit differently: trying to have a relationship with a CB is like sitting down to a game of chess with a chicken. The bird shits all over the board, then struts around crowing like it won.
Chess is the game of Humanity. It is relating to others, caring, kindness, empathy, connection. It is loving people, and being happy for their happiness, and sad for sadness. It is having a soul.
The chicken, OTOH, is merely a stupid little descendant of dinosaurs. It barely sees the board and has no idea what the pieces are for. Shitting and crowing is all it knows.
You can't play a game of chess with a chicken. It may always 'win' the game it is playing in it's own tiny mind, but that's not true winning. And you can't win, either, because the chicken is playing by a different set of rules, in which it always wins and you always lose. The only way not to have your board soiled is not to play chess with a chicken.
