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Aug. 9th, 2012 07:06 pmhttp://captainawkward.com/2012/08/07/322-323-my-friend-group-has-a-case-of-the-creepy-dude-how-do-we-clear-that-up/
This blog entry has a LOT of good points. a LOT.
I am not trying to dismiss those points by trying to create a distinction between "how we deal with predators as a formal entity with elected leadership and bylaws" and "how we deal with predators when they are friends of friends in informal group settings,"
So let me try again to compare these apples and oranges:
1) You’re at a convention. You’re at work. You’re at an SCA or Amtgard or Civil War Re-Enactors' event. You’re camping at the renaissance festival. You’re attending a church ‘shut in’. You’re at the comic book store. Someone harasses you. Someone touches you without your permission. Someone says vulgar or threatening things to or about you. Someone assaults you. There are people who are there to help. There is a boss, a store owner board of directors, chairperson, ‘autocrat’, king/queen, event security. There are policies and procedures for everyone involved to follow and utilize to address the incident.
2) You have a group of friends. A friend of a friend harasses you. A friend of a friend touches you without your permission. A friend of a friend makes verbal threats against your person, life, or livelihood. A friend of a friend assaults you. At that point, you have police and you have your word against theirs, and you have a choice about how far you want or need to go in order to make yourself feel safe.
As a friend of many strange and diverse people, I am NEVER going to take the word of another person about who I should or should not be friends with. I am NEVER going to listen to one stranger tell me another stranger is toxic and evil and follow that person's directive to "WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ______!!!" Because, seriously, I don't want to live in a world where one person can say "Bramblekite is toxic and evil, avoid her," and have everyone that they say that to BELIEVE them and ACT on it without thinking or questioning or finding out for themselves. And I am NEVER going to entrust my health, well being, or safety to anyone but ME, either. I'm glad of laws and law enforcement. I'm glad for formal groups with formal leadership. But the buck stops right here, with me. And I'm glad of it.
Personal aside, tangent. ( Read more... )
This blog entry has a LOT of good points. a LOT.
I am not trying to dismiss those points by trying to create a distinction between "how we deal with predators as a formal entity with elected leadership and bylaws" and "how we deal with predators when they are friends of friends in informal group settings,"
So let me try again to compare these apples and oranges:
1) You’re at a convention. You’re at work. You’re at an SCA or Amtgard or Civil War Re-Enactors' event. You’re camping at the renaissance festival. You’re attending a church ‘shut in’. You’re at the comic book store. Someone harasses you. Someone touches you without your permission. Someone says vulgar or threatening things to or about you. Someone assaults you. There are people who are there to help. There is a boss, a store owner board of directors, chairperson, ‘autocrat’, king/queen, event security. There are policies and procedures for everyone involved to follow and utilize to address the incident.
2) You have a group of friends. A friend of a friend harasses you. A friend of a friend touches you without your permission. A friend of a friend makes verbal threats against your person, life, or livelihood. A friend of a friend assaults you. At that point, you have police and you have your word against theirs, and you have a choice about how far you want or need to go in order to make yourself feel safe.
As a friend of many strange and diverse people, I am NEVER going to take the word of another person about who I should or should not be friends with. I am NEVER going to listen to one stranger tell me another stranger is toxic and evil and follow that person's directive to "WARN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT ______!!!" Because, seriously, I don't want to live in a world where one person can say "Bramblekite is toxic and evil, avoid her," and have everyone that they say that to BELIEVE them and ACT on it without thinking or questioning or finding out for themselves. And I am NEVER going to entrust my health, well being, or safety to anyone but ME, either. I'm glad of laws and law enforcement. I'm glad for formal groups with formal leadership. But the buck stops right here, with me. And I'm glad of it.
Personal aside, tangent. ( Read more... )
