evile

I was checking yahoo mail and got a friend request from a gentleman whose profile indicated he is into bestiality with horses and dogs and also wanting to have sex with moms & daughters. What a winner.

I denied his friend request, charming as his profile was...but in clicking through to the yahoo page where you can see pending friends requests and messages and such, I found a message that X. sent me in January. At the time I judged it as more self-serving bullcrap and did not reply, but today I re-read it, thought about her for the first time in a long while, realized I'm not angry anymore. I don't hate her anymore.

I'm still sad and hurt when I think about losing my relationship with her kids and her stepdad...but not angry or full of hate anymore.

I can live with sad and hurt, I think.

And...I am somewhat grateful to her, because if it was not for her and one other person, I might have fallen for my brother A's Pig's narcissistic charm-act, gotten far more involved with trying to be a friend to her and be an 'auntE' to her kids, and might have been facing made-up abuse/molestation charges in jail as we speak, as a result.

So thank goodness for being able to learn lessons in self-preservation from people who are not quite as bad as The Pig, but share many traits with her, nonetheless.

And...thank goodness for my friends with kids who are good, sane, decent people, who let me play with their kiddos and love them and don't punish me and use me because I love their kids. Every time I chat with 'Phine about art or science, or see Ian's laughing little face, play trains with Kai, or hug Ms. Moo, or hold Coley or make Genna laugh or read Quinn a story, I feel more and more healed. I feel able to trust and love and give without feeling used or being punished for it later. That's a good feeling.