evile

1333 Re: awful drama

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Tue, 1 Apr 2003 19:38:05 -0800 (PST)
From: "M ."
Subject: Give M a call
To: me

Hey E

Please call M . when you get a chance. It is important but
will nothing that can't wait till tommorrow if you are already
asleep. X said that this is the best way to get ahold of you.
Thanks, hm 442-XXXX,cell 577-XXXX

=======================

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 05:32:01 -0800 (PST)
From: me
Subject: Re: Give M a call
To: M

I will call you on my lunch break (11:30-12:30) not
much privacy, but we can talk a bit.

X asked me to do something that was against my
ethics. It made me really mad. So mad that I don't
want to see her or talk to her for a while.

I feel like I'm a bad friend for that...but I also
feel like she was a bad friend for asking me to do
something against my morals in the first place. She
knows me well enough to know better than that.

I love you & I care about you. I am sorry if me
hurting X's feelings is causing fallout for you.

-E
==========================

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 08:10:10 -0800 (PST)
From: M
Subject: Re: Give M a call
To: me

E,

Thank you for writin' back. Even though I personally hate the
internet for various reasons, I am writing you so you won't
misunderstand anything.

I know of the 'secret' request that X asked of you. Because of
the brouchure that you gave X, and since I do know how to read, I
already knew complete schedule and logistics of her birthday
present. I do appreciate that you've got my back BUT in the future
if you are concerned about me, PLEASE CALL OR CONTACT ME BEFORE YOU
DECIDE WHAT IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF ME OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY,
PLEASE I LOVE YOU AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU

Because X did not want to tell me the reason she was no longer going,
I was asking you. I understand that you felt compromised by the
request, but because of the mutual love and bond between you, did it
ever cross your mind to consider why X was making a unusual
request, since I personnally don't know of any other previous request
from X to you in 14 years. The .'s talk alot to each other
and share a lot of information as well as love between us. It is no
secret to anyone that the .'s are in a rough period of time.
So, if you are expressing a moral delima on my behalf, you were not
acting in my best interest.

I have been able to depend on very few people thoroughout my life. I
came to the very real fact that when all hell has broken loose in
myorld the only person Ian truly count on each and every time is ME!
I am not scared of anyone or thing in this world and if there is a
god, that fucking world either.

E, what hurts me is your apathy and hll is a second away attitude for
a while now.

People who truly care, love and want to help their friends and family
during a period of crisis are willing to DO ANYTHING, NO QUESTIONS OR
CONDITIONS ASKED. One of the reasons I am the way that I am is my
loved ones used, abused, abandoned me to hurt each other. I have
issues with polyamorous relationships because my parents would
intentionally bring ugly, dirty strangers into my house and make
fucking sure that when they had completely humilated each other, they
made fucking sure to call me to see the shit fly.

E, if you care for us, don't burden X with anything you can put on
the back burner till were doing a lot better. In her defense, I love
her for her honesty during these difficult times. No one here is a
fucking angel, don't install wings please

If you wish to speak further, call me or please visit with me. I love
you and enjoy the time we spend together. I hate this fucking machine
and will personally not e mail any more personal feelings.

Love and concern, M .

---------------------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 08:31:27 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Fwd: Re: Give M a call
To: j-Law

Yup. this is great. No matter what I do or say I am
the bad guy. No, I did not do/say what I did to
'protect' M. I did/said what I did because I am
totally against hurtful lying and I will not support
any such behavior and I will not compromise my
morality for friendship, no matter how much I love
someone, no matter how long we have been friends.

And a REAL friend would never EVER ask me to.

But there is no way I am going to get M to
understand that. Lose lose lose.

I guess I'll call him at lunchtime anyway & let him
get in his licks. I don't have anything else to lose,
why not let him beat me up some more.
----------------------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 08:47:51 -0800 (PST)
From: J-Law
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Give M a call
To: E

Ohfuck.

Goddamn.

*hug*

I hate this shit. I really, really do. His bullshit about doing
anything no matter what it is.... it's juvenile. It really is.
People who have lived a life, who have had and maintained
friendships, family relationships, whatever, know that, at some
point, personal ethics, morality, whatever are sometimes going to
conflict with some aspect of those relationships. Sticking to one's
principles, especially when equally strong things conflict with them
is very very hard. You did the right thing in a very difficult
situation. You did the strong thing.

Being a person who relies solely on himself, you would think he
understands that one is (or should be) guided by what they believe is
right.

You're right - a real frriend would know and understand your moral
and ethical landscape, and not ask you to do anything she knows would
breach your ethics/morals/principles.

IF you call him (and I don't know that that's a good idea, at least,
not today) just tell him you got his message and read it, and that's
it. You already feel like crap. He has already had the dubious
comfort of giving you the red ass from afar (in the guise of making
things clear by writing them - CRAP!), rather than have the phone
conversation that he originally asked for. He doesn't get both.

The fact is, if he had just waited for your call, maybe you all could
have had a dialogue and arrived at a mutual understanding - or, at
least, an uneasyish truce. Instead, he sends this vitriolic, self-
serving doggerel and expects you to formulate some kind of response
that will mend what he has broken? Fuck that, girl.

I love you so much.

J
--------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 09:02:09 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Give M a call
To: J-Law

Well, I said I'd call during my lunch hour, so I will.
See, I have this thing about doing what I said I was
gonna do...

You're right. It is totally self-serving, and wrong.

But..I will call & say I got his message and try to
leave it at that.

-E
====================

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 09:07:57 -0800 (PST)
From: J
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Give M a call
To: E

Yep, that's true.... so ring him.... and I know you'll try to keep it
civil and short... and he'll try to suck you in to his crap
vortex.... I really hope he is receptive to something more
productive.... but it seems he has already made up his mind that
you're the bad guy. Anything you say, he would misconstrue in the
first instance, pass along that version to X, who would
misinterpret it some more...

Gaaaaaaaaaaah.

Gotta say, this probably tops all of my Jen E. drama - who,
incidentally, I haven't heard from in ages. She is, apparently,
speaking to Kim and Vanessa.

Whatever.
=================

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:00:12 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Okay, that's 20+ minutes of my life I'm never gettin'
back...
To: E

M . is a total freak.

He was pissed at me for taking X to Poly dinner
(once).

He was pissed at me for 'hating children' and writing
something about Goddessdaughter in my diaryland diary that was
"totally wrong". (boy, i'm glad I didn't write about
her booger eating and lack of table manners in Vegas,
that would have sent him right over the edge)

he says I am becoming very bitter and hateful & angry
and pushing away the people who love me (WTF?)

He said I should have given X the 'tickets' to the
great escape weekend and let her take someone else,
'since it was her birthday present and all'.

And some other crap. I don't even remember it all.

Lots easier for them to present a united front and be
mad at me instead of taking care of their marriage
problems.

I am so done with those two. I dont'know how I am
going to maintain ties with the kids, but I
know I am done with them.
----------------------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:07:07 -0800 (PST)
From: J
Subject: Re: Okay, that's 20+ minutes of my life I'm never gettin'
back...
To: me

Well shit. I just *ADORE* the intervention-esque tirade against
one's friends. It is so refreshingly productive to pick at the
faults of others and amplify and interpret them beyond all sense.
And then, to really drive the point home and cement the friendship,
to dredge up every last little incident, remark, and tell them how
hurtful it was, even though nothing was said at the time.

He is full of shit. Just like X, it is lots more comfortable for
him to attack you than face whatever is going on in their marriage.

*hug*
------------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:26:43 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Re: Tempting.
To: J-Law

I am still just...floored...by all that .
bullshit. I'm actually sort of tempted to 'give X
the tickets' ...since I only paid the deposit & still
owe $130. There ya go, X. Happy birthday, go enjoy my
birthday present with someone else you can hit up for
the rest of the $.

Oh, I just remembered this part: M was all yelling
and frothing at the mouth & called me "X" then
corrected himself. Oh, noooo, he's not having marriage
problems that he's taking out on someone else, no no.

1334Re: awful drama

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:46:31 -0800 (PST)
From: J-Law
Subject: Re: Tempting.
To: E

That is very true about other people's messes.

And that window into M's totally screwed up life is right on -
this is all about him taking his shit with X out on you.

That would be funny if you said - yeah, you're right. Here are the
tix.
---------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:55:20 -0800 (PST)
From: Me
Subject: Great Escape Weekend
To: X

M gave me to know that I should have just given you
the 'tickets' to the great escape weekend and let you
pick someone else to go with.

He is right.

Pick someone else and go. Have fun.

http://www.greatescapeweekends.com/

There are no 'tickets' as such, they have a list and
name tags in the main building. They never sent me any
confirmation, postcard, itenerary, or anything for
this year, so I'm assuming the orange brochure for
last time is still accurate.

I only paid a deposit, so you & your friend will need
to come up with $130.

I love you, but I can't be around you right now. I am
sorry you and M are having troubles. I really don't
want to be in the middle of any of that.

-E

--------------------------------

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 10:57:08 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Re: Tempting.
To: J

I did it. It wasn't so much laugh out loud funny as
darkly amusing.

here is what I sent her:
----------------------------------------
[see above]

1335 X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 21:26:54 GMT
To: evilE
Subject: Re:Great Escape Weekend
From: "X"

Keep your damn tickets and your high morals. You don't even get
M's point. Ot mine for that matter. I had and have no deep dark
secret from my husband, but when I needed you to be a friend you
could not. I don't know why, I no longer care.

I respect you not wanting to get in the middle of our problems, I
never wanted you to be there, I ONLY wanted you to give me some show
of support when I expressed that I was having a tough time. I never
realized how self centered you were until M pointed it out to me.
I was surprised how supportive he was. I only needed a day away. Not
to screw around or be bad, I would of thought you would have cared
that I was having something serious enough going on, but instead of
inquiry you passed judgements. I told you the secret not to piss you
off, but you had expressed to me you were uncomfortable with even
KNOWING that I had a secret from M, so I was trying to show you
by telling it to you that it wasn't that huge a deal and you could
do with it what you want. Now I no longer care what you want.

Everytime I spend time with you I leave feeling miserable from your
pessimistic attitude and I don't need that sort of thing around my
kids, I can't believe how you endorsed revenge to children as a
healthy outlet. And your under-handed comments about my parenting and
my children's development have not gone unnoticed. And your
preoccupation with the lives of people you care about is sick. I'm
surprised Sineater still even speaks to you after all the times you have
intentionally tried to get him to leave his marriage. You just refuse
to accept his decisions, or mine.

I am so tired of your soap box, and how and what you think should
be done for and around children because you have had some child
psychology in college. Your comments on Goddessdaughter's "burdens" that you
observed in Vegas are unbelievable to me. But you don't spend any
time with us. You would have no way of knowing how well she does and
how much of a balance she has been able to achieve between her own
burning desire to succeed and excel and being a child and having fun.

I at this point don't ever want to see you again, and that is the
most painful thing I have ever felt in regards to you. I now know who
my real friends are. I don't know what I will tell the kids about
you, [goddessdaughter] especially, but you are no longer welcome around her. I
don't like your influence. You are just not very nice.

as far as loving you, I probably always will. Too much history and
a fear of burning bridges tears at me as every instinct I have tells
me that you are toxic and I should never come near you again. But
this time E, it is you that has misinterpretted and let your opinions
blind you to friends in need. You say I should have known you well
enough, the same goes for you knowing me. Apparently you do not. And
when I tried to seek out some support from you ,you only gave me
disdain at what I was going through. Man that really sucks, you are a
cold bitch sometimes. I thought I meant something to you. Does
anyone?

Have fun with someone you like on this retreat. I think you need it
more than me, because at least tonight when I go to bed I know how
much I am loved and cared for by someone that doesn't judge me by a
request made impulsively that i feel should have garnered some
concern from you rather than your total disapproval and a chance for
you to try to act superior to me. You never will be.

-X

1336Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 13:42:32 -0800 (PST)

From: "evilE
Subject: Re:Great Escape Weekend
To: "X"

Obviously you've been harboring a lot of issues
against me that this has finally allowed you to
release. I hope you feel better. I know I do. Things
haven't been right between us for a long time and I
really didn't know why. So thank you for finally
honoring me with honesty, as hurtful as it is.

I thought we were over the stupid Ashley issue from
last summer. Guess not. I have said all I'm going to
say on that issue; if you'd prefer to take the word of
a twisted spoiled little shithead kid over that of an
old friend, that's your right. Hope [goddessdaughter] doesn't come
back from her summer with Goldrie acting that rotten
and evil.

I guess you and M both have problems with stuff
I've written in Diaryland. Here's the bottom line on
that: It's my diary...I have the right to say & think
whatever I want. If you read it and get upset, you
have 2 options:

1. bring your concerns to me in some constructive
fashion
2. stop reading it.

Not hoard up your hurt feelings and then blow them all
over me as a smokescreen for your latest drama.

I am really really sorry you and M had/are having
problems. You never confided anything in me except for
your attraction for that musician, inviting me to go
see him with you (what, either as a way to lie to M
and say "I was out with evilE, not flirting with that
guy" or as a way to hold me as a shield between
yoruself and whatever bad behavior you knew you
wouldn't indulge in if I was there)

And then when you dropped me off after poly dinner
that one time, as I'm getting out of the car, you say
something about having fooled around.

You didn't give me a chance to listen or help you, you
just tried to drag me into your lies and games.

Or at least that is what I felt like you were doing.

I am here. But I am not interested in being your tool
or your plaything anymore. If you ever feel like being
real honest friends again, let me know. I will be
here.

1337 Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

forwarded to Jen with:

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 13:32:57 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE
Subject: Fwd: Re:Great Escape Weekend
To: "J-Law
Honestly...all I feel is relief.
=============================

from: J-Law

I am speechless. I really am at a total loss.

*hug*

All that horrible stuff she said. And the many, many opportunities
she had to air her concerns, and she never, ever did.

I am so, so sorry about this.

Relief is good.... there certainly has been a lot of crap building
up, and this was probably inevitable.

Just one snarky comment: I loved the thing about trying to break up
Sineater's marriage - like, there is no love lost between X and
skye, but here she is, essentially defending her against you?
Whatever! How convenient!

-----------------
her response to my reply:

Excellent. Especially about her hoarding her feelings and letting
everything fester. God, this reminds me of Gabrielle, and how she
used to get so angry/weepy/dramatic about stuff I'd allegedly done to
hurt her.

What was that Ashley/Goldrie thing? I think I remember something
happening, but I can't remember the details.

1338Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 22:11:14 GMT
To: me
Subject: Re:Re:Great Escape Weekend
From: X

I was never going to use you as a shield or a cover. Just get that
straight. Here and now. And I have not played games with you. You are
a hard person to read. Sometimes easy going, sometimes not. With you
it had become my custom to slowly test your waters. You have not been
an honest friend. And as far as your diary goes. M has never read
it, and my comments were based on actually witnessing and hearing you
and not taking offense on whatever flights of fancy your brain cooks
up in your self-inflated worth web pages. Nice to know you are there,
and FYI- if you ever learn a little humility and realize how you have
treated me lately, and find it in you to be a person again, then I
will still be here.
You hate to be asked for help, so i figured (wrongly) that my friends
may just sense some need. All did except for you, the one I cared for
the most and knew the longest. You will never get it will you?
Stop thinking about yourself for once.

1339parting shots...

Apr. 2, 2003

Date: Wed, 2 Apr 2003 14:23:44 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE H"
Subject: Re:Re:Great Escape Weekend
To: "X" <>

--- X <> wrote:

> I was never going to use you as a shield or a cover.
> Just get that straight. Here and now. And I have not
> played games with you. You are a hard person to
> read. Sometimes easy going, sometimes not. With you
> it had become my custom to slowly test your waters.
> You have not been an honest friend.

And neither have you. an honest friend would have
confronted or mentioned these troubles long before
they reached the boiling point.

And as far as

> your diary goes. M has never read it,

A lie. I talked to him on the phone today and he told
me he'd read it.

and my

> comments were based on actually witnessing and
> hearing you and not taking offense on whatever
> flights of fancy your brain cooks up in your
> self-inflated worth web pages. Nice to know you are
> there, and FYI- if you ever learn a little humility
> and realize how you have treated me lately, and find
> it in you to be a person again, then I will still be
> here.

??? I dont' even know how to respond to this...?

>You hate to be asked for help,

and how do you figure this one? Just because I can't
be your moneybags every time you need me to be?

so i figured

> (wrongly) that my friends may just sense some need.
> All did except for you, the one I cared for the most
> and knew the longest. You will never get it will
> you?
> Stop thinking about yourself for once.

Again, I'm really sorry all these things were
bothering you, and Im sorry your life has been so
rough lately. If you had told me any of this instead
of 'testing my waters' which instantly had my guard
up, because that feels too much like a game-playing
vibe to me, maybe we could have come to some kind of
understanding.

I am sorry you felt like you needed me and I wasn't
there for you. I don't feel like you ever just came
out and let me know you needed me. You just always
needed *stuff* from me. And I don't always have enough
stuff to give. Which made me feel like a bad friend,
too.

Love ya. Gotta go home now.

=E

Apr. 2nd, 2003

Apr. 2nd, 2003

1335 X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

EJ entries for Apr. 2, 2003

1334Re: awful drama

1335 X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

1336Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

1337 Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

1338Re: X's 'final' reply. In which she ends the friendship

1339parting shots...

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