More clarifications

So...Friendship. Trust. Love. and Childfreedom.

Just a few of the issues that have been flying in the shitstorm that has been my life the past few days.

1. Friendship. ( Read more... )

2. Trust is my number one.( Read more... )

3. Unconditional Love is what you get from dogs and God/ess.( Read more... )

4. Childfreedom.( Read more... )

===========================

Anyhoo...sorry for this long-ass rant.

I am so very done.

1343 am I a hypocrite?

 

Apr. 3, 2003

 

 

Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 07:20:39 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: am I a hypocrite?
To: J

Okay...I am looking at some various situations where
dishonesty was asked of me in some way:

1. poly dinner. X and I got together and went to
dinner with the polys. She told me M would freak if
he knew we were with them. So I never told M
anything about it. He knew she was at dinner with me,
and never asked where or with whom. Was this dishonest
of me?

2. X asked me to lie and say the great escape
weekend lasted thru Monday so she could have a day
away from M. I said no.

3. Sineater called yesterday and asked me to find out all
I can about a business, because a friend of his has
been approached by a guy who says he is a business
owner & wants her to work for him. This friend is also
a friend of skye. Sineater asks me not to mention his
inquiry to skye, because he thinks if she finds out
the guy is not legit, she will fly off the handle to
go protect her friend, confront the alleged
businessman, etc. and Sineater wants to tell his friend &
her parents my results first and let THEM to take
action. I agreed not to talk to skye about this. Is
this dishonest?
---------------------------

Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 08:31:21 -0800 (PST)
From: J
Subject: Re: am I a hypocrite?
To: E

*hug*

Now is not the time to second-guess yourself... You can't change what
happened in these situations. Moreover, every situation you face,
even if there are similar issues, dynamics, whatever, is unique.
There are different factors, values, and people involved, and the
factors are weighted differently every time. Consequently, what held
true in no. 1 may not hold true or be applicable in no. 3.

What may seem like inconsistency to an outsider might make internal
sense to you, and that's what matters. That said, I don't think you
are a hypocrite or inconsistent. In the first sitch, X did not
ask you to keep a secret, or tell you anything after you said you
didn't want to hear. She said M would freak, and you kept your
silence. He never asked, you didn't tell. Probably not a big deal,
because, even though he might have freaked, having dinner with your
friends, whoever they are, is not anywhere close to the kind of
breach of trust that cheating is. There was no lie or concealment
involved.

The second sitch is entirely different, because X asked you to
keep a secret in a way that I, personally, found coy, secretive and
yet wanting people to know. To me, that says doing something one
isn't supposed to be doing, e.g., cheating on one's husband. When
you said you couldn't do it, she told you anyway, violating a clear
boundary. You didn't say a thing to M until he asked. If all she
really wanted was a day off from M, she shouldn't have been so
sorority-girl coy about it.

Finally, skye is a situation unto herself. Sineater is your brother,
and you owe duties to him that you owe to no one else, including
friends, and, especially skye. If he asks something of you,
expresses a concern about her, and you know that she is bad for
him.... I think the ethical thing to do is help him out.

I am sorry last night's worrying/skulking made you sick.... I can
totally see how that would happen. Lying low, changing your calendar
are good ideas, at least until you feel more comfortable and things
appear to have calmed down chez .. If being alone (even with
other people around) makes you feel jittery, go ahead and bag the
weekend. Stay at home with Sweetie, get nekkid, have nice breakfast,
take hot baths, and relax.

I love you!

J-Law
---------------------

Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 09:06:33 -0800 (PST)
From: E
Subject: Re: am I a hypocrite?
To: J

thanks. I know...I know. I just feel rotten...even
though I know that's dumb.

And thanks for the reality check on the 'lying'....I
guess I am just a lot more OK with "so and so doesnt'
need to know this" than "lie for me, okay"... but
there might be situations in life where the reverse
would be true, depending on the person involved, as
you said, and the situation.

I am so glad you & Steven are hitting it off. That is
so cool :)

I'm so glad this is my 'Friday'. My boss gave me a
hard time about the extended benefits appeals piling
up on my desk and now she says I need to spend at
least 2 hours a day on them.

fuck me. I hate EUC shit...just hate it. The other
person who does them also hates them. We've told our
boss we don't want to do them anymore & asked her to
train someone else so we can get a break, but no
response.

This is what you get for volunteering around here:
shit heaped upon shit until you break. That'll learn
ya to have any initiative.
=============

Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 09:24:56 -0800 (PST)
From: J
Subject: Re: am I a hypocrite?
To: E

Well... let yourself feel as bad as you want for a little while...
enough to get it out of your system. You'll bounce back after you
relax. It's not dumb to feel the way you're feeling.... it's totally
normal. Feelings don't really come in "smart" or "dumb." They just
are.

The lying/concealment shit is the same problem I had with Jen E. My
silence on a point was not a lie, and never amounted to a lie. That
she nevertheless felt deceived is her problem, not mine. I think
your #1 is very much like that. It doesn't even sound like "M
doesn't need to know," although that may have been the intended
implication. She just said he would freak, which could mean a lot of
different things, e.g., that he is an unreasonable jerk, not
necessarily that X was doing something forbidden and knew it.
Even of that (forbidden) were the case, it isn't up to you to pry
into their marriage, or her reasoning behind the statement. If she
wanted to elaborate, she could have.

Happy Friday to you. I wish today was Friday - but the day should go
by fast. I have work, it's boring, but there's enough of it (and
boring is better than chaotic) plus I have you and Steven to keep me
busy. Goddamn. He is moving to Florida. Tomorrow is his last day,
and he has hardly any work. He thinks he will be back in Napa in a
year.

Volunteering around here is the same deal. That'll larn ya. Never,
ever again. Am probably skipping wine hour, too. You saw where that
got me.

 

•  

1345 Being Positive

 Apr. 3, 2003

 

 

I think it's true that thought can shape reality, to some extent. And
certainly one's thoughts can influence how one reacts to everyday
occurrences. Whether every deviation from plan is seen as a setback
or an opportunity, whether the glass is half empty or half full.

In that light, I choose to meditate on the highlights of my week:

Monday: I went to the gym. I have amazing upper body strength!

Tuesday: I went to skate night. I saw my friend Michelle and my
friend Jason. I saw an adorable strawberry blonde boy in a black <a
href="http://www.utilikilts.com/">utilikilt</a>. I saw Thomas the
Rhymer, whom I went to the OTO play with. I saw a beautiful woman in
a pink dress and fairy wings. I listened to good old music and
skated.

Wednesday: well, OK, Wednesday sucked, no way of getting around that
one.

Thursday: My friend Rio's birthay! I went to Sweetie's VW gang
meeting. I met nice people and had pleasant conversation. I had good
pizza and good beer. The night was cool and there were wildflowers on
the side of the road.

Friday: No work! I will sleep late. Drink coffee with my sweetie.
Read. Take a nice hot bath. Give myself a full-body sugar scrub &
facial. Go to the gym and spend lots of time in the hot tub and
sauna. Get some groceries and send off some care packages. Maybe
visit my waterfall. Maybe see a bellydance show.

And Always: my family, friends, loved ones, fuzzy kitties & dog, love-
filled home, flowers, trees, and creek...the joys and pleasures and
treasures of my life. I am grateful for the love & beauty in my life.
I am infinitely blessed. I miss the things that are gone, but I can't
lose sight of the blessings that are still here, just waiting for me
to notice them. Thank You.

--------
Something wierd, or maybe just coincidence: Pat pulled the Tower and
the 5 of Cups for me....which has basically just happened. The tower:
X and me finally ending it. 5 of cups: focusing too much on what
is lost and not enough on what you have. a message to refocus.