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Letter to Mom
Aug. 11th, 1990 11:47 pmMy brother A. gave me a folder full of stuff I guess he got from Mom, that she'd saved, for whatever reason. It's her handwriting on the folder, my name. I dunno why this particular collection of letters, artifacts, and photos, but here we are.
Anyhoo...here's a letter i wrote. It says "Sat. Aug 11" ..I believe it was 1990. After I'd dropped out of Tulane and was living in Austin and working at Bookstop and living in my little apartment behind Bookstop, the apartment complex called "the crossroads" or something? anyhoo...
Mom:
hello. I tried to register via phone for ACC yesterday but there's a "hold" on my record. Why does every damn bureaucrat in the world have to be down on me?!? So, the Admin. office was busy, then I had to go to work, and then it was closed on the weekend. So I have to get it cleared up Monday and register on the 17th. School starts the 27th, so coming down that week is out of the question, I guess. I'll keep you posted.
Mom, I'm so tired of just livin' and working.
I hate the new assistant manager. He's a self-righteous little dictator god/ "Boy King" - type. He reminds me of ass't. mgrs. from Taco Bell. Bookstops are NOT FAST FOOD!! But he maintains that manic "sense-of-urgency" thing, and it's so ludicrous. This is starting to wear on me. And he always calls the women that work here "Hon" and he calls me "Ewika" Like If I'm standing there, looking pissed off or just frowning 'cuz I've run out of shelf space, he comes over and pouts at me and says "Aww, what's wrong, Ewika?" in this childish little voice. the little prick.
So, ANYHOW, I'm also starting to get tired of the "poor-but-noble student" thing. I'm tired of responsibility. I don't want Electric bills, phone bills, Visa bills, Tulane bills. I don't want the steady job, I don't like it anymore. Instead of being a challenge, it's become a burden. Yeah, I can make it on my own, I get everything paid on time, but it just doesn't seem that great anymore. But I'm too proud + stubborn to depend on anyone else but me. So I'm stuck with it.
I decided (finally) that Savannah College would be great, and historic restoration would be the coolest job, a good balance of physical + mental challenges a neat way to be creative, rebuildling, redecorating old places. It would be so cool. But I have no way to pursue that idea.
So I'm stuck here with my old debts + my old responsibilities + my old job + all that shit. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I feel so fuckin' trapped!!
I am so fuckin' trapped.
It never ends, does it? As soon as I start making better $, I'll get bigger debts, won't I? School loans to car loans to home loans to home improvement loans to school loans again for the inevitable children I will some day inevitably have. Son of a bitch!!! I hate This!!!
Oh well, I'm stuck with it. Someday, hopefully all this Ambition will die + I'll be happy being a plodding farm animal, and never hope for anything else.
Sorry, this is really awful. I just needed to talk to somebody.
--Erika
Anyhoo...here's a letter i wrote. It says "Sat. Aug 11" ..I believe it was 1990. After I'd dropped out of Tulane and was living in Austin and working at Bookstop and living in my little apartment behind Bookstop, the apartment complex called "the crossroads" or something? anyhoo...
Mom:
hello. I tried to register via phone for ACC yesterday but there's a "hold" on my record. Why does every damn bureaucrat in the world have to be down on me?!? So, the Admin. office was busy, then I had to go to work, and then it was closed on the weekend. So I have to get it cleared up Monday and register on the 17th. School starts the 27th, so coming down that week is out of the question, I guess. I'll keep you posted.
Mom, I'm so tired of just livin' and working.
I hate the new assistant manager. He's a self-righteous little dictator god/ "Boy King" - type. He reminds me of ass't. mgrs. from Taco Bell. Bookstops are NOT FAST FOOD!! But he maintains that manic "sense-of-urgency" thing, and it's so ludicrous. This is starting to wear on me. And he always calls the women that work here "Hon" and he calls me "Ewika" Like If I'm standing there, looking pissed off or just frowning 'cuz I've run out of shelf space, he comes over and pouts at me and says "Aww, what's wrong, Ewika?" in this childish little voice. the little prick.
So, ANYHOW, I'm also starting to get tired of the "poor-but-noble student" thing. I'm tired of responsibility. I don't want Electric bills, phone bills, Visa bills, Tulane bills. I don't want the steady job, I don't like it anymore. Instead of being a challenge, it's become a burden. Yeah, I can make it on my own, I get everything paid on time, but it just doesn't seem that great anymore. But I'm too proud + stubborn to depend on anyone else but me. So I'm stuck with it.
I decided (finally) that Savannah College would be great, and historic restoration would be the coolest job, a good balance of physical + mental challenges a neat way to be creative, rebuildling, redecorating old places. It would be so cool. But I have no way to pursue that idea.
So I'm stuck here with my old debts + my old responsibilities + my old job + all that shit. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I feel so fuckin' trapped!!
I am so fuckin' trapped.
It never ends, does it? As soon as I start making better $, I'll get bigger debts, won't I? School loans to car loans to home loans to home improvement loans to school loans again for the inevitable children I will some day inevitably have. Son of a bitch!!! I hate This!!!
Oh well, I'm stuck with it. Someday, hopefully all this Ambition will die + I'll be happy being a plodding farm animal, and never hope for anything else.
Sorry, this is really awful. I just needed to talk to somebody.
--Erika
