Yup, yup

[evile]

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Letting Go of Old Beliefs

Try harder. Do better. Be perfect.

These messages are tricks that people have played on us. No matter how hard we try, we think we have to do better. Perfection always eludes us and keeps us unhappy with the good we've done.

Messages of perfectionism are tricks because we can never achieve their goal. We cannot feel good about ourselves or what we have done while these messages are driving us. We will never be good enough until we change the messages and tell ourselves we are good enough now.

We can start approving of and accepting ourselves. Who we are is good enough. Our best yesterday was good enough; our best today is plenty good too.

We can be who we are, and do it the way we do it - today. That is the essence of avoiding perfection.

God, help me let go of the messages that drive me into the crazies. I will give myself permission to be who I am and let that be good enough.

You are reading from the book:

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

The Language of Letting Go © 1990 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the permission of of Hazelden.

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I think that the error I have made in the past and sometimes continue to make is to keep people in my life who expect me to be "perfect" and to assume that their demands for my perfection are correct and proper, and that I am wrong, evil, and undeserving because I cannot meet those demands. Part of me really, really wants to.

But, of course, there is the small inner voice going "Hey, why are YOU demanding that I be perfect all the time and never fuck anything up ever, but if I mention that you've done something clumsy, hurtful, thoughtless, or otherwise imperfect, for some reason that is OK, and I'm not allowed to be hurt or offended because 'that's just the way [person] is'?"

Comments

[emmainfiniti.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing the thoughts and the comments.

I have run into the situation where, if I "mention that [someone has] done something clumsy, hurtful, thoughtless, or otherwise imperfect" that affects me, the response is "Well I am not perfect; let me list all the things I think are wrong with you...; you need to look at yourself instead of saying anything to me". Instead of apologizing for the hurt or trying to make amends, the person essentially takes the position that, so long as I am imperfect, I cannot criticize or point out any hurtful behaviors in others.

Personally, I struggle with finding a happy place between my desire for perfection and making excuses for my continuing dysfunctional behaviors.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I totally get this.

and I totally get caught up in the unfairness of "well, so and so behaved badly to me, why should I treat so and so better than they treat me?"....at some point you either just have to let go of the person, or let go of the expectation. Letting go of people is easier, but letting go of expectations is probably healthier. I may get there someday :)

*hugs*