(no subject)

[evile]

bah.

I just got unfriended by someone I have always liked, but not spent much time with.

I think it's probably because of what I wrote about shopping for clothes & how being overweight has limited my options and shopping for clothes that don't make me look like an old lady, a young slut, or like I'm wearing furniture slipcovers is challenging.

Fat is really An Issue for some folks, but in my experience, Fat is shorthand for a lot of societal ills regarding judgements & expectations of women and for a lot of internal bugaboos related to self-care, sexuality, and the like. Pretty big cause and effect/feedback loop there. Chicken/egg type stuff.

For me, Fat Itself means: I'm physically healthy, but I still can't find nice clothes. Some peole think I'm sexy, some people think I'm disgusting, I've probably gotten jobs, gotten laid, made friends all because of how I look, I've probably also NOT been hired, NOT gotten laid, and made enemies because of how I look. Same as everyone else, basically. Fat is not a special snowflake kind of thing.

For society, me being fat means: I'm sloppy, I'm lazy, I stink, I'm desperate for sex and/or lousy in the sack, I can't do work as well as a skinny person in my same job, I don't deserve to be paid as much as a skinny peson in my same job (or a man in my same job, but that's another thing, related to but not the same as fat), I'm ugly, etc.

The social baggage of Fat is where you get the self-hating and feelings of worthlessness and inferiority and all of that garbage. And also where you get the fat activists and fat admirers and various permutations and variations on the pathologization of the female body that is so very pervasive and so very wrong.

Anyway, sometimes I get self hating. Sometimes I just get angry at the world in general for not having reasonable clothing that fits me. Sometimes I write about it in LJ. And apparently this person didn't want to read it anymore.

*shrug*

I'm a little bit sorry for hurting her feelings, but mostly just 'meh, my journal.'

I guess that's wrong. Oh well.

(plus, if she won't talk to me, how do I really know what's going on? Maybe my assumptions are dead wrong and she's just locking down her F-list to a smaller group of people she actually spends RL time with, or whatever. Who knows? )

Comments

[in-quinecorners.livejournal.com]

(plus, if she won't talk to me, how do I really know what's going on? Maybe my assumptions are dead wrong and she's just locking down her F-list to a smaller group of people she actually spends RL time with, or whatever. Who knows? )

She does, presumably. Have you asked her?

*hugs*

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

yeah..but see, to me unfriending means "I dont want to talk to you anymore and I dont want to hear anything you have to say,"

so....asking her seems pretty rude and intrusive.

Say what you will about me, when I get kicked to the curb, at least I stay there.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

&, honestly, I'm not up to hearing what a big bag of poop I am because I did or said...whatever it was...

Being beaten up and yelled at for thinking and feeling whatever I think and feel is not really going to change how I think or what I feel...it's just going to make me feel beat up in addition to feeling and thinking whatever I thought in the first place.

I'm not up for that. At all.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

back to that whole 'apologies' thing that I went round and round on...

I do feel bad if someone is upset as a result of something I said.

But that doesn't change who I am, what I think, or what I feel.

So...I don't really know what to do when someone gives me the boot without telling me why. Then again, I dont' really know what to do when someone gives me the boot and tells me what I did wrong.

I can say that I've had LOTS more experience with just being chucked without a word than with being yelled at and then thrown away.

Either way, it doesn't change me.

...and I'm really not sure it should.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

After all, isn't "honesty" what everyone says that they want, need, and prefer?

So why is it that me being honest ends up making people shut me out?

...anyway, I'm fretting about this far more than I should.

back to work.

[elizagoth.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart-

It's your combination of honesty and introspection that makes me love you as much as I do. For what it's worth, I completely related to your words.

I can understand being very much an all or nothing flavor. I think I'm that way for many people I've met through the years. They either don't know what to make of me, adore me, or find me completely intolerable.

I have no idea about the unfriend-er. All I can suggest is that you wish her well in your heart and keep being you.

*HUGS*
-ivy

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

Thanks. That sounds exactly right.

Love ya & miss ya, too.

[in-quinecorners.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well, to me, unfriending doesn't always or even most of the time mean that. If I were her...well, in that case I might have considered explaining to people why I was unfriending them. If I didn't, then that's my bad, but still, I would rather someone ask me why I did it than make assumptions about it.

But of course, I am not, in fact, her.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I'm better today. I shouldn't have written this post, I should have just let the bad feelings sit and settle and made sense of things today.

I've unfriended plenty of people, most of them not for any particular dislike or offense, and they didn't throw giant dramatic hissy fit over it, so I was just being ridiculous.

Her business, and I don't hate her for it or anything.

No harm no foul, it's just LJ.