Things I've learned from my friends

[evile]

1. Don't call during their TV shows (which are always on, it seems)

2. My problems are never as big and bad as theirs are, so don't bother mentioning them.

3. My success is a good reason to buy them stuff and do stuff for them. Why else would I be calling to share my happiness?

4. Don't invite them anywhere unless I'm going to pay.

5. No matter how carefully we've planned a get-together, if someone else calls or something comes up, I will be ditched at the last minute.
(5A would be: I am the one to call if none of your other friends are available, there's nothing on TV, the VCR is broken, and the batteries on your vibrator are dead--pretty much the last ditch option.)


6. I'm not interesting enough all by myself to be worth spending time with. I need to invite them to parties and get-togethers where my cool friends will be.

7. Nobody wants to spend time with me for who I am, only for what I have, who I know, and what I can do for them.

And I guess that's about it.

So if anyone was wondering why I am not in the habit of calling, writing, touching bases, or inviting them places...that's why. I've had a bunch of bad friendships that have taught me ugly things and I am trying to unlearn them so I don't create more bad friendships.

Comments

[mouser.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

thanks. :)

[feetwilltravel.livejournal.com]

I have those "cool" friends too. You're one of them. I think sometimes we hold our friends with too high of an opinion. I know I do... Oh "X" wouldn't want to just hang out with me because I don't have anything "interesting" to do, nothing "interesting" to talk about, etc. I'm beginning to believe that I don't have to be "cool" by any one's standards but my own. *smiles*

exactly :)

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

And, really, what's the worst that could happen if I picked up the phone and called one of the cool people I know? They're busy, so what? I guess it is somehow less hurtful to ASSUME someone is too busy to see you than to actually hear the word 'no'... silly!

I am going to try and get better at this. Your self-improvement kick is inspiring me :)

[ladydreamtime.livejournal.com]

Sorry someone was rude enough to prompt this. Y'know, in a couple of weeks I'll have a job where I can use a car to go to lunch rather than walk around campus. That means I can see people. Like you.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I know that feeling--being a State employee & not having a car keeps my lunch options pretty limited. Also, boss-people are terribly anal about us ONLY taking EXACTLY 1 hour for lunch.

*sigh*

It wasn't any rudeness, I was just bored & lonely yesterday and posted in my LJ about it, and Niki replied...and I read it too late to make any plans and then I realized that I never even THINK about calling people when I'm bored and lonely anymore. Because all my old 'friends' pretty much beat that out of me. I was not allowed to need or want them, I was only allowed to jump up & get running when THEY wanted ME.

[terriblelynne.livejournal.com]

*hug* How sucky. Feeling used is no fun at all.
For the record, I don't only love you for your fondue pots and soap. I am hesitant to ask people to do stuff socially here (and people in general, not just you) unless I know that they're ok with driving me around, because I have met a lot of people here who are really territorial about their vehicles and where I know they like me and consider me a friend, they don't like having to be responsible for someone else's transportation. It's a cultural Texas weirdness that I've really had to learn not to take so personally. So, there's a lot of stuff I get left out of because I can't spontaneously show up, and there's a lot of people I never ask to do anything because I'm not sure how they feel about being my ride...I don't want them to feel used and am kinda hypersensitive about that, but I generally haven't got any other means/method of getting together with them.
I guess that's just my longwinded way of saying I like you and I'm not evil. *hug*

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

thanks :) and FWIW, this wasn't about anyone currently in my life...just baggage from the past that I don't even realize I'm carrying most of the time until something happens to snap me out of my usual mindset and I realize that my 'usual mindset' is self-hurting.

I'm kinda-sorta in the 'no transpo' mode these days too. Out of the 5 cars Sweetie has, 1 is drive-able by me. That one is also his daily driver and his hours haven't been predictable lately, so I haven't felt able to commit to anything where I've got to be a certain place at a certain time, unless I am on foot OR able to double check with him first.

It's mildly hassley, but it's not like I'm really _stuck_.

[terriblelynne.livejournal.com]

*nod*
I just feel bad when someone calls me and spontaneously wants to do something because I'm so unused to that that I don't allow for it or believe it will happen. Sitting in your apartment alone for weeks on end while your depressed girlfriend sleeps and you hear/read after the fact about all the interesting things people did without you will do that to you.
Your Sweetie has 5 cars? Whoa.
I guess I have baggage from the way my life has worked since I moved here up until about a year ago, and that I still sort of operate from that place. Not really sure how to transition into more of an Austin social model, or if I feel safe enough to do so yet. I hate being stranded and alone, and I still feel like I have to make sure that doesn't happen...

[onyxlynxx.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
It sounds like you need new friends and I would be glad to have someone as interesting as you are as one of my friends.

I understand how you feel. I don't tend to call people when I am lonely either because I always assume that they have something more interesting to do than hang out with me.

I am also an employee of the evil empire but I only get thirty minutes for lunch so it makes it hard to be social during the day. Maybe we could do something in the evening or on a Saturday.

Hey.

[rei-kun.livejournal.com]

Trust me I know exactly how you feel. I live on the South side of Dallas, and most of my friends live on the North Side... I have been in my apt for a year and not one of my friends have visited me nor called. I guess driving 20 miles to get to my place is just too much for them.

Hey, chances are I may be in Austin this weekend. Wanna hang out? E-mail me, k?

People suck!

[cairun.livejournal.com]

Dont you listen to people who do that to you! You are just awesome and I have a whole lot of fun hanging out with you. ^__^

Wow!

[kyleigh812.livejournal.com]

Looks like you have been friends with a majority of my ex's. People who use other people suck. *bighugsfortheeekcauseimissher*

Well...

[jertzie.livejournal.com]

I've never even met you, so I know *I'M* not one of the mean ones!

Maybe we can remedy that sometime (the not meeting, I mean)!

- J