Things I've learned from my friends

[evile]

1. Don't call during their TV shows (which are always on, it seems)

2. My problems are never as big and bad as theirs are, so don't bother mentioning them.

3. My success is a good reason to buy them stuff and do stuff for them. Why else would I be calling to share my happiness?

4. Don't invite them anywhere unless I'm going to pay.

5. No matter how carefully we've planned a get-together, if someone else calls or something comes up, I will be ditched at the last minute.
(5A would be: I am the one to call if none of your other friends are available, there's nothing on TV, the VCR is broken, and the batteries on your vibrator are dead--pretty much the last ditch option.)


6. I'm not interesting enough all by myself to be worth spending time with. I need to invite them to parties and get-togethers where my cool friends will be.

7. Nobody wants to spend time with me for who I am, only for what I have, who I know, and what I can do for them.

And I guess that's about it.

So if anyone was wondering why I am not in the habit of calling, writing, touching bases, or inviting them places...that's why. I've had a bunch of bad friendships that have taught me ugly things and I am trying to unlearn them so I don't create more bad friendships.

Comments

[terriblelynne.livejournal.com]

*hug* How sucky. Feeling used is no fun at all.
For the record, I don't only love you for your fondue pots and soap. I am hesitant to ask people to do stuff socially here (and people in general, not just you) unless I know that they're ok with driving me around, because I have met a lot of people here who are really territorial about their vehicles and where I know they like me and consider me a friend, they don't like having to be responsible for someone else's transportation. It's a cultural Texas weirdness that I've really had to learn not to take so personally. So, there's a lot of stuff I get left out of because I can't spontaneously show up, and there's a lot of people I never ask to do anything because I'm not sure how they feel about being my ride...I don't want them to feel used and am kinda hypersensitive about that, but I generally haven't got any other means/method of getting together with them.
I guess that's just my longwinded way of saying I like you and I'm not evil. *hug*

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

thanks :) and FWIW, this wasn't about anyone currently in my life...just baggage from the past that I don't even realize I'm carrying most of the time until something happens to snap me out of my usual mindset and I realize that my 'usual mindset' is self-hurting.

I'm kinda-sorta in the 'no transpo' mode these days too. Out of the 5 cars Sweetie has, 1 is drive-able by me. That one is also his daily driver and his hours haven't been predictable lately, so I haven't felt able to commit to anything where I've got to be a certain place at a certain time, unless I am on foot OR able to double check with him first.

It's mildly hassley, but it's not like I'm really _stuck_.

[terriblelynne.livejournal.com]

*nod*
I just feel bad when someone calls me and spontaneously wants to do something because I'm so unused to that that I don't allow for it or believe it will happen. Sitting in your apartment alone for weeks on end while your depressed girlfriend sleeps and you hear/read after the fact about all the interesting things people did without you will do that to you.
Your Sweetie has 5 cars? Whoa.
I guess I have baggage from the way my life has worked since I moved here up until about a year ago, and that I still sort of operate from that place. Not really sure how to transition into more of an Austin social model, or if I feel safe enough to do so yet. I hate being stranded and alone, and I still feel like I have to make sure that doesn't happen...