evile | Entries tagged with poem

By: Virginia Woolf

Whatever happens, stay alive.

Don't die before you really die.

Don't lose yourself, don't lose hope, don't lose direction.

Stay alive with flesh and soul, with every cell of your body, with every fiber of your skin.

Live, learn, study, think, read, build, invent, create, speak, write, dream, design.

Stay alive, stay alive inside yourself, stay alive outside yourself, fill yourself with the colors of the world, fill yourself with peace, fill yourself with hope.

Stay alive with joy.

There is only one thing that you should not take away from life and that is life itself.

Current Mood: melancholy

You are awakening to the

same country you fell asleep to.

The very same country.

Pull yourself together.

And,

when you see me,

do not ask me

"What do we do now?

How do we get through the next four years?"

Some of my Ancestors dealt with

at least 400 years of this

under worse conditions.

Continue to do the good work.

Continue to build bridges not walls.

Continue to lead with compassion.

Continue the demanding work

of liberation for all.

Continue to dismantle broken systems,

large and small.

Continue to set the best example

for the children.

Continue to be a vessel of nourishing joy.

Continue right where you are.

Right where you live into your days.

Do so in the name of

The Creator who expects

nothing less from each of us.

And if you are not "continuing"

ALL of the above,

in community, partnership, collaboration?

What is it you have been doing?

What is it you are waiting for?

- Venice Williams:

it's not exact to my experience, of course, but evokes similar feels. (and this is reason #200074 why I did not have or want kids. And, yes, people can love you and still be damaged and harmful and toxic as fuck. "just because someone doesn't love you the way you want/ need to be loved doesn't mean they aren't loving you the best they can/ the only way they know how,"....and it fucking sucks. For everyone.

======================

Your Mother did not heal

her childhood wounds

She repeated the cycle

and inflicted the same pain she endured

She chose her comfort of toxicity,

her ego, her self righteousness.

Kept the "blood" family close

even if they hurt her daughter.

The saddest part is,

She would do it all over again

in the name of "we did our best".

- Divi Maggo

As far as I can see, grief will never truly end. It may become softer over time, more gentle, and some days will feel sharp. But grief will last as long as love does—forever. It’s simply the way the absence of your loved one manifests in your heart. A deep longing, accompanied by the deepest love. Some days, the heavy fog may return, and the next day, it may recede, once again. It’s all an ebb and flow, a constant dance of sorrow and joy, pain and sweet love.

– SCRIBBLES & CRUMBS and LEXI BEHRNDT

I feel like Grief is what finally makes us not just accept mortality but look forward to it....so many we miss and love, our hearts just finally decide to take us to a place where it doesn't hurt anymore.

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_ia_b9r6WE

I have a story. I don't know if it's true.

In some cultures, when one has had a truly fine meal or an exquisite drink, you finish your delightful food or beverage and then you break the dish on the ground; the dish has served its highest purpose, it will never again hold anything so perfect as the thing you just tasted, so it is best for it to die at the pinnacle of its experience.

I don't know why people break dishes, really.

And I want to say something about how and why people get broken as some kind of analogy to this, but I can't make it work.

I am crying for no reason.

Am I the broken dish?

what was the pinnacle?

And why can't I remember it?

Maybe no broken pieces remember the glory they once held, and the memory is only for the one that broke the vessel.

Whether they meant it.
If they were only joking.
Whether you deserved it.
If you misunderstood
Whether you need to 'lighten up,'
If maybe you're 'just too sensitive'

The real one will only care that you are in pain
and want to help.

No blame and shame
No who did what to whom
first, worst, most, always, never

They will see hurt
and offer comfort.

They will see confusion
and try for understanding

Fix the problem
Not fix the blame

The end.

found this poem on the facebooks. It was reposted from a group by a friend...the author wasn't listed and there was a typo which I have fixed. It is a lovely poem. Someday I hope to be someone's dead best friend.

======================

Dead best friend, I

know dreams are your

house parties.

When I am dreaming, I am clumsy. I am

like a teenager stealing

mom’s vodka, getting

wasted for the first time.

You  walk without striding, you

leap from dream to dream

and shadow to shadow.

I  follow, but I haven’t quite

learned to walk without legs,

how to live in the abstraction.

You have tasted the rich, melting

buttery dreams. I have only had dregs

and soured milk; anxious dreams of work

and money.

“Try to keep up,” you say

as you drag me into your

old kitchen.

Everything

is how I remember. Captain Crunch

on the counter.

You open the fridge

And grab a cold piece of pizza.

Your dog, who is also dead,

leaps up on my leg and I scratch him

between the ears.

“Let’s make a deal,” you say,

turning to me.  “I’ll teach you

how to walk through a dream,

if you let me remember what it is

like to walk barefoot in the sand.

I will teach you how to breathe

without breath if you let me take

a deep draw of air.”

I’m about to answer, I’m

about to say

I will, I’d do
anything to trade places
to have you here
sipping coffee
and i wake up

to a siren wailing

outside

found a looooot of bad poetry in a folder. Also found these two ...songs? I think my friend Dee wanted to start a punk band called Young Unrelenting Kunts. I remember drawing the album art and writing these two songs. I think that's about as far as it went. LOL (oh, yeah, and my punk name was Faze. pronounced 'phase'. lololol)
=================

I don't care
(a punk song)

Short or tall
Skinny or fat
I don't care
where the hell your'e at

Old or young
or somewhere in between
I don't care
bite my bean!

cuz I don't care
no, I don't care!
you can do anything you want,
but
I
DONT
CARE!

You're born again?
So? I died twice!
Does Santa really care
if you're naughty or nice?
NOOOOOO!
He doesn't care!
No one cares!
We all don't care!

Happy or sad
Good or bad
something in between
I don't care!
Bite my bean!

You act like the world
should fall down at your feet
and you act like a queen
when you're walking down the street
Nobody sees!
Nobody cares!
Nobody's lookin!
And we don't care!

We just don't care!
No, nobody cares!
Dye your hair
purple, green, or white
Nobody's gonna die of fright
I don't care
No, I don't care!

Your clothes and your makeup
Your shoes and your hair
Give it up girl
Cuz we just don't care!

If yer a punk
or an acid fiend
or something in between
I don't care
Bite my bean!

You go around thinkin
that your life is such a pain
don't start that shit with me
you've no right to complain!
Cuz I don't care!
No I don't care!

Figure it out babe
Get it through your head
we dont' care if you're alive or you're dead
No I don't care
No we don't care!
Nobody cares!
We all don't care!

Santa don't care
if you're naughty or nice
We don't care if you've been killed twice
We don't care how old you are
We don't care about your car
We don't care about your home
We don't care about your family
We don't care about your dog!
We don't care about your kids!
We don't care about your stereo
We don't care about your job
We don't care about your boss
We don't care about your $
We don't care about your socks
We don't care!
NO, we don't care!

You can live, you can die
You can laugh, you can cry
And WE WON'T CARE
WE DON'T CARE
WE REFUSE TO CARE
WE DON'T CARE!

THE END
(have a nice day :) )

What's wrong with U!
(a song to all the grownups who don't understand)
by Erika (Faze)

You make me wanna puke!
Don't tell me to conform!
I don't even drive on the right side of the road!
You say "What's wrong with these kids today?"
We say, "What's wrong with YOU?"
YEAH!
What's wrong with US?
It's YOU we're worried about!

So what if I dress funny?
So what if my hair's blue?
So what if we're punk?
What's wrong with YOU?

What you don't see is what we really ARE!
All you see is how weird we are!

You think we're hopeless
You think we're apathetic
You've fucked up our world
You're fuckin pathetic!

We overdose
We suicide
We're living on the edge
You've already DIED!

You think that you're livin
in your yuppie business suits
You're ass-kissin
power dressin
Too Depressin!

Profit or loss
count the cost
You've got money
You've lost us!

You've screwed us all over
You've left us your mistakes
You've left us all your
problems, your hang-ups
your gives and your takes

You've done all you can
to leave us with nothing
you hate us & tell us we're rude
You haven't taken everything; we've still got attitude!

You tell us we're no good
go ahead you sods
Ask us "What's wrong?"
Well, fuck you, grownups
What's wrong with YOU?

Current Mood: amused

I think my friend Joe Mason aka Joe SubG told me about this game in college (DePauw-1991 to 1995). I think there was a whole thing on the college VAX where everyone was coming up with the worst/best Teen Angst poetry they could. The rules are: it has to have something sharp, something black, blood, and end with "I am so alone" . Very silly. And, like listening to Morrissey, so over the top mopey and morose, they somehow cheer ya up!

I found a page of some of mine:
===============
I dreamt a black metal rose
razor-petals drawing blood
as I wept, "Loves me
Loves me not,"
the last petal cut out my heart
I am so alone.

Lying passive in my coffin
feeling the blood rot in my veins
I waited for a stake
I am so alone.

What I really want to do
is just fall into a black abyss,
with sharp-fanged snakes at
the bottom, waiting to taste my blood
I am so alone.

The words bit into my flesh
like knives, drawing tears like blood
This night, I am so alone.

Writhing in Nightmare,
cat-o-nine-tails tering my flesh
I bleed, and you laugh.
I am so alone.

Blood in moonlight seems black
watching it clot on this knife
my family of pale corpses
I killed them.
I am so alone.

Indianapolis is dark
and cold, like my bleeding
heart after what you said
your sharp words
I am so alone.

Why did I sayI loved you
when the words cut my tongue
as I said them? Your dark kisses tasted
like blood that first night.
I am so alone.

A bloody knife with a black handle.
I am so alone.

Weeping black tears,
I drag myself away from
the bloody spot on the bed
where you impaled me.
I am so alone.

Your eyes have depths I'll never see
Your heart has places I'll never touch
Dark emptiness in both
eyes and heart. Blood rushes through your veins
Jagged glass is all around.
I am so alone.

The ice cream truck is black today
And eerily silent as it goes slowly
down the street. Same route it always
takes, only this time holding a bloodless
corpse. The driver's teeth are sharp.
The ice cream truck stops at my house.
I am so alone

how can the sky be so blue
how can the sun keep shining
how can the leaves be so green
how can the waves keep kissing the shore
don't they know someone I love is dying
don't they know my world is ending
don't they know my heart is broken
don't they know that grief is suffocating me
stop
stop
STOP
Stop being so beautiful and calm
when my world is ending
and my heart is breaking
and I can't breathe anymore

Current Music: https://youtu.be/VRCWFrwJwBM

Ho'oponope

"I love you"
said by some
means
I can't be alone
I need a place to live
I want your money
Feed me
Buy me stuff
I need approval
I have an addiction
I can't live my own life
You hurt me in familiar ways
You're not the best but you'll do
I'm making you responsible for my happiness.

"I'm sorry"
said by some
means
I got caught,
So I have to say something.
Dammit.
But, hey!
I said I'm sorry and you stayed
Permission to fuck you again
Right?
& get really mad if you have the nerve to complain
again. I SAID I'm sorry.
What else do you want from me?
Oh, yeah,
I love you.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Location: home.
Current Music: Lord Byron, Mr .B the Gentleman Rhymer

Thanks to

freyapax for the info!

http://branchesup.blogspot.com/2009/01/invitation-to-fourth-annual-brigid-in.html

Gifts
--Richard Brautigan

At dawn when the dew has built its tents
on the grass, will you come to my grave
and sprinkle bread crumbs
from an enchanted kitchen?

Will you remember me down there
with my eyes shattered
and my ears broken
and my tongue turned to shadows?

Will you remember that I went to the graves
of many people and always knew I was buried
there?

And afterwards as I walked home to where
it was warm, I did not kid myself about
a God-damn thing.

Will you remember that one day
I went to your grave and you had been dead
for many years, and no one thought
about you any more,
except me?

Will you remember that we are fragile gifts
from a star, and we break?

Will you remember that we are pain
waiting to scream, holes
waiting to be dug, and
tears waiting to
fall?

* * *

And will you remember that after you have gone
from my grave, birds will come
and eat the bread?

Current Mood: peaceful

Jul. 12, 2005

valkyriie (valkyriie) wrote,
@ 2005-07-12 11:48:00

Reposting from lauraleanalle
I want to beg you as much as I can
to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart,
and try to love the questions themselves;
do not seek answers which cannot be given you
because you would not be able to live them
and the point is to live everything
live the questions now.
perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer
take whatever comes with great trust
and if only it comes out of some need of your inner most being,
take it upon yourself and hate nothing

- anonymous

1131 - fun!

Jan. 16, 2003

I had a good time last night--very late night, but fun.

Poly dinner at La Madelaine. I think everyone liked it except Kat.
Bless her pointed little head. Last night she was doing chain mail
and ignoring people. Jeez.

New guy, Vadim. He was very nice. Kind of reminded me of Tom with all
his quoting of movie lines & pop culture references. Everything's an
in-joke. He was cool.

Had a good visit with Markus and Victoria and Debbie & Joe. Got to
hear about Z's party--sounds like I missed a very good time :(

I might do a workshop at Poly Big Fun; Angela got a piece of dark
chocolate torte (sacher cake?) and we all said how yummy it looked &
I remarked that it would be better with a glass of port. "dark
chocolate & port is better than sex" I opined. markus disagreed with
me. Sam said something about having a recipe for chocolate body
paint. I said I had a whole recipe file of edible body products, and
Markus asked if I wanted to do a workshop on it. Angela suggested i
just make a couple of recipes & give out a printout of the others. Hm.

I got super caffeinated & said silly/clever things. It was fun.
Markus said he needed to have coffee at his next party. This older
guy came by our table & asked whose birthday it was. we were
all 'deer in headlights' for a second, then I raised my hand &
said "me!". He said "really?" and I said "no. But you can spank me if
you want to!" which made everyone giggle. It was great fun.

I really enjoy being chemically altered. Too much probably.

After dinner, I went to Jason's apt, and we went in his car to
Elysium, where we listened to 80s music & people-watched & talked. It
was great fun. He had to get to work at 6 am, and we were at the club
until almost 12:30.

I am pretty beat today...but in a good way. It was great fun.

1132 Fulco di Verdura

Jan. 16, 2003

a famous jewelry designer--get this book if possible. Cool poem.

http://www.thameshudson.co.uk/books/Verdura/0500510822.nxs/20/14/
http://www.turtlepoint.com/booksco/books/five_seasons/five_seasons_ex.
html
Fulco di Verdura: A Vanity
Petrified by a fiery testament
crystals piled one atop another
in a jagged pile are a flamboyance
Lian de Pougy cracked one with
her teeth. Demoiselle Orlandi hung
two about her neck on a lapis hook.
Mathilde de Morny tucked one between
her lover's legs. Paquerette held
slivers in Picasso's paint box.
Caryathis set hers on a dish
between two ripe tomatoes.
They exhaled a crystal breath
that cooled poppies and stopped
rains from entering wells.
When they walked moons
stumbled into tides
and streets fell into manholes.
Then di Verdura came and gathered
them into his pestle
and from the flotsam tooled a brace
of high-cooked mica dolphins,
twisted them into manacles
and bound the hands and lacquered
ankles of all the fairies in the Bois de Boulonge.

394 Ick
Mar. 19, 2002

I feel sick to my stomach today. Probably drainage from allergies. I
got up and took an alka seltzer cold...none of that stuff seems to
work anymore. Tom wanted me to get him up early so he could go to the
Dr. His sinuses are hurting. I doubt he actually woke up. I think
i'll take a sick day and catch up on my sleep & get some work done.
==========================================
http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=topnews&StoryID=712632
Damn straight the man should share some of the blame for his murdered
children. The bastard.
==========================================

Taurus horoscope
Other people's stubborn attitudes may be hindering your progress
today, dear Taurus, so take this as a hint that maybe you need to
loosen your own grip on a certain viewpoint that you are fiercely
holding onto. Today's planetary alignment may trigger a lot of power
behind your emotions, and it would be advisable to express them. Feel
free to jump up on stage and take the podium. Speak your mind, even
though you may not necessarily be in agreement with the group.

Gemini horoscope (by astrocenter.com)
The doldrums are over and its time to pick up the pace, dear Gemini.
Come out of your nest in full regalia today, and be proud of what you
have to offer to the world. The optimistic cosmic climate will
increase your interest in strong, intimate relationships. So be
courageous in your dealings with others, and take the time to express
yourself fully in a creative manner. The bigger the smile you wear,
the farther you will go in just about every situation you encounter.
====================================================
This is gorgeous:

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand
and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean
security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents
aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes
open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's
ground is too uncertain for paths.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of
waiting for someone to buy you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.

Veronica A. Schoffstall
========================================
Well done is better than well said.

395 Last nights dreams

Mar. 19, 2002
1. something about SIL and her mother working in an antique shop.
Andrea looking good & skinny, happy in her mother's presence.

2. something about hanging out with some secret pervo club in a
trailer. Wearing fetish clothing, discovering that I am submissive,
for the right dom. Whatever.

397 stuff

Mar. 19, 2002
eabsinthe order cancelled due to DVD being in wrong format. Redo
order for absinthe (1 big, 1 litle) & spoon only.

Should not be charging anything. Filled with self loathing.

Andrew's wedding inviation arrived yesterday. Jen and I will go. I
told her I'd pick up our lodging and car rental if she'd agree to
come out. We agree that it's the right thing to do.

Nothing in April. No Scarborough Faire, no nothing. I wanted to pay a
big chunk of $ towards my credit card, but that won't happen. I
guess I'll have to go to CMA Beltane, since I already paid the fee.
Sucks to be poor. Sucks to have obligations. Sucks to have to give up
an entire month of everything just for a shitty wedding which the
marriage won't last. Jen and I are sure they're probably writing
their own vows, which will be cocksuckity. Bleh bleh bleh.

And Andrew probably won't even appreciate the trouble we've gone thru
to get there. Bastid.

398 sooo....

Mar. 19, 2002
1. Starting April 1: Lo carb again. V.strict
Do workout video every day. Pilates.
Skate every other day.
Take a Vitamin & a baby aspirin eery day.

Hopefully get into some better shape for A&A's wedding/my 32
bday/life/the future.

I miss having Jen around. She was such a great workout partner.
Similar fitness levels, always reliable. Nothing works so well
without a buddy. *sigh*

But I'm gonna do it!!!

Feb. 11, 2002
IMAGINE A WOMAN

Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good she is a woman.
A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories.
Who refuses to carry the sins of others within her body and life.

Imagine a woman who believes she is good.
A woman who trusts and respects herself.
Who listens to her needs and desires, and meets them with tenderness
and grace.

Imagine a woman who has acknowledged the past's influence on the
present.
A woman who has walked through her past.
Who has healed into the present.

Imagine a woman who authors her own life.
A woman who exerts, initiates, and moves on her own behalf.
Who refuses to surrender except to her truest self and to her wisest
voice.

Imagine a woman who names her own gods.
A woman who imagines the divine in her image and likeness.
Who designs her own spirituality and allows it to inform her daily
life.

Imagine a woman in love with her own body.
A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.
Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite
resource.

Imagine a woman who honors the face of the Goddess in her changing
face.
A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.
Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body
and life.

Imagine a woman who values the women in her life.
A woman who sits in circles of women.
Who is reminded of the truth about herself when she forgets.

Imagine yourself as this woman.

Patricia Lynn Reilly
Copyright: 1995
Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself (Conari, 1999)