REBT--Holy Cow!
Dec. 16th, 2005 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileSo last night at dinner, I met ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jfrands and being the true LJ stalker that I am, I went and looked at his LJ today, browsed through his memories, etc. I found something REALLLLY F-ing AMAZING, it's called "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy" and I think it would be helpful to find someone who does this.
"the 'Big Four'.
The big four- DEMANDING, AWFULIZING, PEOPLE RATING, and LOW FRUSTATION TOLERENCE is the classification that most REBTers now use when identifying and disputing irrational beliefs."
Demanding
Demanding, in REBT, is a set of unrealistic beliefs in which a person DEMANDS that things be different than they are. Demanding usually consists of one (or more) of the following. "I MUST______", "Others MUST_______", "Life/ Situations MUST________"
Demanding also consists of a person elevating his preferences into ABSOLUTE NEEDS.
People naturally prefer to be loved, to be treated fairly, and to get what they want. When people do not get what they want they feel angry, or sad. These feelings of anger or sadness, although unpleasant, are natural and may motivate the person to do what he/she can to change the situation. However, REBT believes that when a person elevates his/her preferences to demands it is usually self defeating.
For example, a person may greatly prefer to be loved. However, if he DEMANDS that "I MUST be loved or it is terrible," then he will feel- not only sadness- when he is rejected, but profound depression. If he believes that he MUST be loved, then he will often engage in self defeating behaviors, such as staying with a mate who is abusive, or getting with anyone (even though the person may not be a good match) just so that he can be "loved."
REBT believes that people have a natural tendency to elevate preferences to needs. The REBTer works diligently to identify his/her believes, and strives to keep them strong preferences rather than DEMANDS.
Awefulizing
Awefulizing, according to REBT, is the belief that something is so horrible, so terrible, that it could not possibly get any worse. REBT, however, teaches that this is impossible- because things could always be worse. Embarrassing events could have always been more embarrassing, tragic events could have been even more tragic, bad events could have had more negative consequences.
But, what if, for example, a meteorite came and destroyed half of the planet, wouldn’t that be AWFUL- the worse thing ever. No, because the catastrophe could have been more catastrophic. The meteorite could have destroyed the whole planet. A deadly virus could have ravaged the planet resulting in a miserable death for millions, right before the meteorite hit. A famine could have engulfed the entire planet, before the deadly virus had spread to all parts of the earth, right before the meteorite hit. It could go on and on. Things could always be worse.
This is not to say that bad things don’t happen, which contributes to profound sadness. However, when we escalate these bad situations to AWEFULIZING- thinking that it is the worse possible thing that could have happened, then we not only feel sad but also depressed, and we are more likely to act self defeatingly.
Low Frustration Tolerance
(also called "I Cant Standitis")
Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) is the unrealistic magnification of the unpleasantness of a situation. LFT occurs when a person believes that "if ________happens, then I will not be able to endure the unpleasant feelings".There are some things in life that a person "cannot stand"because if they occur, it will kill the person. For example, a person cannot stand for a ton of bricks to be dropped on his head. If this happened, he would die. A person cannot stand to go days without any food or water, because eventually he would die. However, a person can stand not having an ice cream cone- even though he may REALLY want one. No one has ever died from NOT having a treat. A person can stand exercising- provided that the person does not have any dangerous health conditions- even though it may REALLY be unpleasant. A husband can stand his wife’s nagging, even though it is GREATLY undesirable. And a wife can stand her husband’s indecisiveness even though she may REALLY not like it.
Therefore, REBT attempts to help people increase their level of frustration tolerance by first identifying when one is using "I cant standitis", then engaging and enduring situations which he, initially, thought that he could not stand.
People Rating
People Rating (also called Conditional Self Acceptance, and Conditional Other Acceptance) states that a person’s worth is dependent upon his or her behaviors. This belief is irrational because: 1. It is an overgeneralization NO ONE does poorly in everything, all of the time. Ellis is found of stating that "even Hitler was nice to his dog and to his mistress. So, even though he did ‘bad’ things and I supported the United States taking him out, he was not a ‘bad person’."
2. It implies that, not only is the person’s behavior ‘bad’ now, but that it will ALWAYS be bad. No one can see the future, so no one can make such a prediction. Most people believe that Charles Manson is a ‘bad’ person. But, what if, while in prison, Manson was able to find the cure for AIDS and was able to save millions of lives. Would he now be a good person? How much good, does one need to do to be ‘good’? And how much bad does one need to do to be ‘bad’?
3. It is often self defeating, because the person experiences anxiety as he or she constantly tries to ‘prove’ himself by doing good things. Also, WHEN one fails, the person spends time DAMNING themselves or others, rather than spending time problem solving.
REBT teaches that ‘bad’ behaviors should be avoided because they bring bad consequences. However, it is better to separate our behaviors from our ‘personhood’. So that, when one performs badly he feels sad about his poor choice, but does not DAMN himself as being a NO GOOD ROTTEN PERSON.
REBT offers two solutions to people rating. A person can choose to accept himself just because he is alive and a human being (or, if he is a Judeo-Christian, because he is a "child of God"). Or, the person can choose to refuse to rate himself, his personhood, at all. Choosing to only rate his behaviors as good or bad.
Ellis admits that, out of all of the REBT concepts, people rating is the hardest for people to grasp. This may be because society teaches us from a young age, that our worth is dependent upon our behaviors. Also, people may have a genetic tendency to rate themselves.
The REBTer strives for Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) and Unconditional Other Acceptance (UOA). However, it is unlikely that- even with hard work- one can ever unconditionally accept themselves ALL of the time.
YES. This makes so much SENSE to me!!!
jfrands and being the true LJ stalker that I am, I went and looked at his LJ today, browsed through his memories, etc. I found something REALLLLY F-ing AMAZING, it's called "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy" and I think it would be helpful to find someone who does this. "the 'Big Four'.
The big four- DEMANDING, AWFULIZING, PEOPLE RATING, and LOW FRUSTATION TOLERENCE is the classification that most REBTers now use when identifying and disputing irrational beliefs."
Demanding
Demanding, in REBT, is a set of unrealistic beliefs in which a person DEMANDS that things be different than they are. Demanding usually consists of one (or more) of the following. "I MUST______", "Others MUST_______", "Life/ Situations MUST________"
Demanding also consists of a person elevating his preferences into ABSOLUTE NEEDS.
People naturally prefer to be loved, to be treated fairly, and to get what they want. When people do not get what they want they feel angry, or sad. These feelings of anger or sadness, although unpleasant, are natural and may motivate the person to do what he/she can to change the situation. However, REBT believes that when a person elevates his/her preferences to demands it is usually self defeating.
For example, a person may greatly prefer to be loved. However, if he DEMANDS that "I MUST be loved or it is terrible," then he will feel- not only sadness- when he is rejected, but profound depression. If he believes that he MUST be loved, then he will often engage in self defeating behaviors, such as staying with a mate who is abusive, or getting with anyone (even though the person may not be a good match) just so that he can be "loved."
REBT believes that people have a natural tendency to elevate preferences to needs. The REBTer works diligently to identify his/her believes, and strives to keep them strong preferences rather than DEMANDS.
Awefulizing
Awefulizing, according to REBT, is the belief that something is so horrible, so terrible, that it could not possibly get any worse. REBT, however, teaches that this is impossible- because things could always be worse. Embarrassing events could have always been more embarrassing, tragic events could have been even more tragic, bad events could have had more negative consequences.
But, what if, for example, a meteorite came and destroyed half of the planet, wouldn’t that be AWFUL- the worse thing ever. No, because the catastrophe could have been more catastrophic. The meteorite could have destroyed the whole planet. A deadly virus could have ravaged the planet resulting in a miserable death for millions, right before the meteorite hit. A famine could have engulfed the entire planet, before the deadly virus had spread to all parts of the earth, right before the meteorite hit. It could go on and on. Things could always be worse.
This is not to say that bad things don’t happen, which contributes to profound sadness. However, when we escalate these bad situations to AWEFULIZING- thinking that it is the worse possible thing that could have happened, then we not only feel sad but also depressed, and we are more likely to act self defeatingly.
Low Frustration Tolerance
(also called "I Cant Standitis")
Low Frustration Tolerance (LFT) is the unrealistic magnification of the unpleasantness of a situation. LFT occurs when a person believes that "if ________happens, then I will not be able to endure the unpleasant feelings".There are some things in life that a person "cannot stand"because if they occur, it will kill the person. For example, a person cannot stand for a ton of bricks to be dropped on his head. If this happened, he would die. A person cannot stand to go days without any food or water, because eventually he would die. However, a person can stand not having an ice cream cone- even though he may REALLY want one. No one has ever died from NOT having a treat. A person can stand exercising- provided that the person does not have any dangerous health conditions- even though it may REALLY be unpleasant. A husband can stand his wife’s nagging, even though it is GREATLY undesirable. And a wife can stand her husband’s indecisiveness even though she may REALLY not like it.
Therefore, REBT attempts to help people increase their level of frustration tolerance by first identifying when one is using "I cant standitis", then engaging and enduring situations which he, initially, thought that he could not stand.
People Rating
People Rating (also called Conditional Self Acceptance, and Conditional Other Acceptance) states that a person’s worth is dependent upon his or her behaviors. This belief is irrational because: 1. It is an overgeneralization NO ONE does poorly in everything, all of the time. Ellis is found of stating that "even Hitler was nice to his dog and to his mistress. So, even though he did ‘bad’ things and I supported the United States taking him out, he was not a ‘bad person’."
2. It implies that, not only is the person’s behavior ‘bad’ now, but that it will ALWAYS be bad. No one can see the future, so no one can make such a prediction. Most people believe that Charles Manson is a ‘bad’ person. But, what if, while in prison, Manson was able to find the cure for AIDS and was able to save millions of lives. Would he now be a good person? How much good, does one need to do to be ‘good’? And how much bad does one need to do to be ‘bad’?
3. It is often self defeating, because the person experiences anxiety as he or she constantly tries to ‘prove’ himself by doing good things. Also, WHEN one fails, the person spends time DAMNING themselves or others, rather than spending time problem solving.
REBT teaches that ‘bad’ behaviors should be avoided because they bring bad consequences. However, it is better to separate our behaviors from our ‘personhood’. So that, when one performs badly he feels sad about his poor choice, but does not DAMN himself as being a NO GOOD ROTTEN PERSON.
REBT offers two solutions to people rating. A person can choose to accept himself just because he is alive and a human being (or, if he is a Judeo-Christian, because he is a "child of God"). Or, the person can choose to refuse to rate himself, his personhood, at all. Choosing to only rate his behaviors as good or bad.
Ellis admits that, out of all of the REBT concepts, people rating is the hardest for people to grasp. This may be because society teaches us from a young age, that our worth is dependent upon our behaviors. Also, people may have a genetic tendency to rate themselves.
The REBTer strives for Unconditional Self Acceptance (USA) and Unconditional Other Acceptance (UOA). However, it is unlikely that- even with hard work- one can ever unconditionally accept themselves ALL of the time.
YES. This makes so much SENSE to me!!!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 04:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 04:56 pm (UTC)Next time we see each other I'll talk to you some more about it, if you like.
nope
Date: 2005-12-16 04:59 pm (UTC)Serious light-bulb time for me. I'm glad I discovered this new tool. Now I need to figure out how to work it.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-16 05:01 pm (UTC)Re: nope
Date: 2005-12-16 05:16 pm (UTC)Yeah, this all resonates for me too
Date: 2005-12-16 05:28 pm (UTC)Not if you've studied Zen - "just be..". A mantra I've repeated to myself before is "be who you are, not who you aren't".
For the Awfulizing/LFT "can't stand its" - I used to be really bad about those (still fall prey to 'em sometimes). Then I hit what really, really felt like rock-bottom. Can't get any worse etc. And realized...I'm still alive (and wasn't looking to be otherwise). No place to go but up I guess. But what I did was more of a zen/experientialist thing...I didn't try to go "up"...I just..existed. Stayed where I was, but didn't try to stay "down", either. I just floated, experiencing where I was at. And I ended up turning those "can't stand its" on their head...not only "can stand it" but dove headfirst into each "awful" experience just b/c I knew I would "stand it", and it was an experience to be savored, bad or good. Besides "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger", so each little "can't stand it" became something to be relished for its "tempering" effect. Now, all of this was long before I really got into BDSM...but of course, it's directly applicable..and a big reason why I can get such satisfaction out of otherwise seemingly "awful" experiences such as CBT. Mmm CBT. :-)
Re: Yeah, this all resonates for me too
Date: 2005-12-16 06:02 pm (UTC)(I also find it QUITE amusing that CBT also stands for "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" or somesuch.)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me.
Re: Yeah, this all resonates for me too
Date: 2005-12-16 06:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-02 07:12 pm (UTC)YOU HAVE TO PLAY NICE WITH THE FIREMAN!
"The fireman is very magical. If you rub his helmet, he spits in your eye." -Eric Cartman
I was going to make an arguement about People Rating, specifically the extreme examples listed, but when I got to USA/UOA I realized I wasn't going to win that arguement.
Good stuff