people vs. behavior

[evile]

The bible says something like "hate the sin, love the sinner" and I've read other spiritual and philosophical works which express similar. It's something I really struggle with.

I'm terribly judgemental, and I know it. I try not to be...but it's hard. I don't know how to say "I hate lying, I hate abuse, I hate stealing, I hate drug abuse, but gosh, I sure do love the person who does those things."

I know that a lot of people who are abusive, self-destructive, and engaging in illegal or immoral activities may be doing so because they're in terrible pain, they're not in their right mind, or they dont know any better...but I just have a very hard time being sympathetic. And it's sad because I know that the people who least deserve love and sympathy are the ones who need it most.

I try.

Sometimes the best I can do is stand at a distance and hope for the best. I'm sorry for that, and I wish I could do more...I'm trying. (If it helps at all, I hold myself to the same standards of behavior that I hold others to, and I get just as harsh with myself when I fail as I do with others.)

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[skye-ds.livejournal.com]

I have a "sister" (friend) who is dearer to me and who holds me dearer, than my legal family; I don't call them my blood because I'm adopted, and they aren't blood.

For more than a decade, I watched her get her heart broken by one man after another who subjected her to lying, abuse, stealing, drug abuse, etc. I can't remember now how many times at first that I tried to save her actively. Anyway, they didn't work. And as you are wont to aptly put it, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So eventually, I stopped.

What I started doing is expressing my opinion exactly once and dropping it. And you of all people ought to know how hard that is for the Mouth. I took one shot to explain what I thought and support it with ample evidence and proof (you can take a paralegal from a law office but you can't take the law office out of the paralegal, I suppose).

And then I sat back, and waited. Because, what I said I was afraid would happen, inevitably did. I knew she would need support when it did, and she did, and I was there to give it to her.

Some children, when Mom tells them, "don't put coffee beans up your nose, don't stick your finger in an electrical outlet, or don't put your hand on a hot stove," don't get it -- until they've done one or some combination of the above. The Hard Way. I learned the Hard Way, too, that if I alienated her by actively trying to save her, that when it did fall apart, as I knew it had to, she would need someone supportive, but it wouldn't be me, because I alienated her.

Anyway, just my due lire (consider the source) ~ me