people vs. behavior

[evile]

The bible says something like "hate the sin, love the sinner" and I've read other spiritual and philosophical works which express similar. It's something I really struggle with.

I'm terribly judgemental, and I know it. I try not to be...but it's hard. I don't know how to say "I hate lying, I hate abuse, I hate stealing, I hate drug abuse, but gosh, I sure do love the person who does those things."

I know that a lot of people who are abusive, self-destructive, and engaging in illegal or immoral activities may be doing so because they're in terrible pain, they're not in their right mind, or they dont know any better...but I just have a very hard time being sympathetic. And it's sad because I know that the people who least deserve love and sympathy are the ones who need it most.

I try.

Sometimes the best I can do is stand at a distance and hope for the best. I'm sorry for that, and I wish I could do more...I'm trying. (If it helps at all, I hold myself to the same standards of behavior that I hold others to, and I get just as harsh with myself when I fail as I do with others.)

Comments

[kulilinei.livejournal.com]

I think the word "love" isn't really quite right for this context. I think that it's really about having compassion for that person... understanding how people can get caught up in crap and how peoples past experiences can often affect their current behavior...

All that said. I'm typically not a judgemental person. But here recently, I'm finding myself more and more so... I'm having a difficult time feeling compassion. I hope that this is only some passing thing... a matter of circumstances.

yup

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

and I think it's hard to find a balance between having compassion for someone and protecting those you love.

And then there's the idea that you are trespassing on your loved ones by attempting to protect them--implying that their judgement is unsound or that they don't have as much of a right to choose who is in their life as you do. For me, it's all very muddled.

Re: yup

[kulilinei.livejournal.com]

I totally agree that these things are very muddled... The way that I'd like it to work is that my loved ones are able to associate, befriend, love... whomever that they choose in whatever manner that is appropriate for them. In reality though, most relationships don't happen in a vacumn. The choices that one makes affects not only the person making the choices, but the other people that are close to them. You can't make those choices for your loved ones... the only thing that you can do is figure out where your boundaries are, then communicate and stick to them.