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reading The Midnight Library
Mar. 4th, 2024 01:59 pmMy sister H. suggested we read this and talk about it. The first few chapters were....depressing as hell. Relatable but terrible. I dont' really want to read it anymore, but we talked about it and we'll read a hundred more pages and see how it goes
It gave us a jumping off point for talking death, darkness, trauma, about our own family members and friends who have committed suicide and what we think about the ethics(?) of it. So that's cool. I'm not good at talking about any of that stuff in person/rl. Sometimes I write about it,w hen I remember about it. But mostly I just don't think about any of it and I change the topic if it comes up in conversation, often not even realizing I've gone off into a tangent unrelated 'making things lighter' trying to cheer people up/be a clown/bla bla unrelated blather mode. I'm sure it's frustrating for anyone who wants to talk real stuff with me. I also dissociate during disagreements/arguments with my spouse, sometimes also in other moments. I get myself through it and then I can barely remember what I said or did during the bad time. Oh hey I lost years of my life during my time with my ex thanks to that. And I'm still doing it a whooooole lot. But anyway. yeah. back to the story we are reading.
The book's protagonist seems to be a person in their maybe late 20s ish who decides that their life is pointless and time to take pills and drink and not exist anymore. I read the first chapters and honestly didn't remember enough of them to talk with my sister H about them. I had to re read and make notes for myself. Because hey trauma suicide trigger warning bla bla!!!!
I can certainly relate to wanting to be dead. I certainly have felt at times in the past that my entire life was nothing but a series of stupid decisions, mistakes, failures, yadda. And I've been so angry over some things that are out of my control and so frustrating and infuriating that I literally wanted to rage quit the planet because FUCK ALLLLLLLLLL Y'ALL. (genocide, murder of trans people, politics, greed, corruption, inflation, wage stagnation, greedy bilionaires, corporate bullshittery, global warming and how everyone in any position to do anything real about any of this shit just... fucking... DOESNT..... just all the rampant evil bullshit of this fucking planet that is grinding normal people into paste)But, shit, I'm 53, turning 54 this year, I'll be gone soon enough at this point, there's no need to rush anything. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to check out, I'll have everything squared away and won't leave too much of a mess. Right now I'm still too much of a mess. And not really ready. I'd hate to be like my mom and try and fail. twice now. once when she was a teenager and once..like, end of 2022, beginning of 2023 ish? anyhoo.....and now she 's got dementia/aphasia and can't make decisions like that for herself anymore.
so...yeah, this book sucks and I do not recommend if you have trauma and feelings and stuff around suicide. Nor if you were one of those gifted kids who has definitely not lived up to their 'potential' whatever the fuck that was
It gave us a jumping off point for talking death, darkness, trauma, about our own family members and friends who have committed suicide and what we think about the ethics(?) of it. So that's cool. I'm not good at talking about any of that stuff in person/rl. Sometimes I write about it,w hen I remember about it. But mostly I just don't think about any of it and I change the topic if it comes up in conversation, often not even realizing I've gone off into a tangent unrelated 'making things lighter' trying to cheer people up/be a clown/bla bla unrelated blather mode. I'm sure it's frustrating for anyone who wants to talk real stuff with me. I also dissociate during disagreements/arguments with my spouse, sometimes also in other moments. I get myself through it and then I can barely remember what I said or did during the bad time. Oh hey I lost years of my life during my time with my ex thanks to that. And I'm still doing it a whooooole lot. But anyway. yeah. back to the story we are reading.
The book's protagonist seems to be a person in their maybe late 20s ish who decides that their life is pointless and time to take pills and drink and not exist anymore. I read the first chapters and honestly didn't remember enough of them to talk with my sister H about them. I had to re read and make notes for myself. Because hey trauma suicide trigger warning bla bla!!!!
I can certainly relate to wanting to be dead. I certainly have felt at times in the past that my entire life was nothing but a series of stupid decisions, mistakes, failures, yadda. And I've been so angry over some things that are out of my control and so frustrating and infuriating that I literally wanted to rage quit the planet because FUCK ALLLLLLLLLL Y'ALL. (genocide, murder of trans people, politics, greed, corruption, inflation, wage stagnation, greedy bilionaires, corporate bullshittery, global warming and how everyone in any position to do anything real about any of this shit just... fucking... DOESNT..... just all the rampant evil bullshit of this fucking planet that is grinding normal people into paste)But, shit, I'm 53, turning 54 this year, I'll be gone soon enough at this point, there's no need to rush anything. Hopefully by the time I'm ready to check out, I'll have everything squared away and won't leave too much of a mess. Right now I'm still too much of a mess. And not really ready. I'd hate to be like my mom and try and fail. twice now. once when she was a teenager and once..like, end of 2022, beginning of 2023 ish? anyhoo.....and now she 's got dementia/aphasia and can't make decisions like that for herself anymore.
so...yeah, this book sucks and I do not recommend if you have trauma and feelings and stuff around suicide. Nor if you were one of those gifted kids who has definitely not lived up to their 'potential' whatever the fuck that was
