Quora: Is it a legitimate parenting strategy to stay in the relationship and household

Is it a legitimate parenting strategy to stay in the relationship and household to play the role of “buffer” to give the covert narcissist a “target” other than the kids?

 

It is certainly a strategy, and one we’ve seen a great deal, especially in relationships where the narcissist is the primary earner for the household, or otherwise has more money, power, or social influence than the abused partner.

I can certainly understand why a parent would want to keep their child or children safe from verbal or physical abuse by absorbing the pain themselves.

However, please keep in mind that kids learn from watching their parents; they tend to feel and think that their own home situation, however abnormal and dysfunctional it is, is ‘normal’…and they will grow into adults who seek the same type of partner as they observed growing up. If you want your children to grow up into abusers, or into victims, staying in a relationship that is harmful is certainly a way to ensure that they grow into dysfunctional adults.

If you do feel that you MUST stay with an abuser because you don’t see a way out for yourself and your kids, do what you can to shield the kids from the abuse they observe at home by getting them into therapy or counseling as early as possible to help them break this cycle.

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 Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. 

They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

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Quora: What’s the oldest Narcissist you know? Do they ever grow up and grow out of being one.

The oldest narcissist I knew was 99 years old when she passed. She lived her entire life being a completely selfish, self-centered, bossy, bullying know-it-all.

I suppose it was easier for her once she went deaf because then she really couldn’t hear anyone and perhaps had an excuse for the nonstop talking about herself, what she wanted, her memories, her life, etc.

It is kind of sad, because she lived through many historical events that would have been interesting to learn about from someone who actually saw or experienced them first-hand but all of her stories were boring interpersonal nonsense about what she wore to this or that thing when she got an award or who brought what jello salad to her party, complaints and grudges about people long dead, or whatever. She stayed mentally sharp and physically fairly healthy until the very end. Unlike many narcissists who die alone in a care facility with no friends or family, she had a codependent family caregiver  for the duration.



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 Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. 

They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here. 

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal 

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.