last nights dreams

 Dreamland was busy last night. It's all fading quickly now that I'm up and about, but there was something about my brother and one of his horses doing a Christmas show with the Last Chance Forever folks, and something about working as a contractor for my old state job (yuck) but then remembering that state offices are closed day after Christmas so I had the day off, and a phone call from my female guardian angel and an in person visit from a male angel who may have been my other guardian angel (?) He was in my living room as i got off the phone with her, and he told me he liked my book collection. I was living in a place I didn't recognize, with my ex (though in my dream we were still broken up) and he'd bought or rented the place furnished, and there were a bunch of drawers under the bed with candles and tarot cards and all kinds of neat stuff stored away. I kept finding decks that were so cool and "wow, I just saw this deck the other day and I was thinking about getting it, this person's taste in tarot cards is just like mine! WOW! " My ex had all of his junk and clutter stored away in one room and the rest of the house?condo?apartment? was clean and tidy but it wasn't his stuff or my stuff, it was the stuff the apartment already had in it when we moved in and I was wondering where we were going to put the rest of our stuff.... it was a busy dream but not stressful, there was just a lot going on, with a kind of message or feeling that my angels were always there for me, that I was always loved and cared for, and that there were people out there with whom I share common interests and affections, even if we don't know each other or spend time together in person in real life, there's a common thread of us-ness running through the world. kind of a constant state of belonging and fitting in, at some level beyond the superficial day to day. A widespread invisible tribe. I dunno how to describe the feeling. Just....not being alone, not being a wierdo, just being one of many scattered around the world for a purpose.

Quora: What do the unexplainable narcissists do to have total control over you?

If you are an adult, no one has control over you but you. Narcissists like to play mind games and they are control freaks, but ultimately it will be your choice as to whether to stay and play these games, or leave them and go to live your own life.

Think of it as sitting down to a game of tea party with a bratty 5 year old child; the child spanks the teddy for spilling tea, the child tells you to put your napkin on your head, the child then wants to spank you for spilling (fake, invisible, non existent) tea or yell at you for eating your (fake, invisible, non existent) cookie the wrong way.

If you want to keep playing ‘tea party’ with the brat and allow the child to spank and yell at you for not following the rules of their game (they will keep changing the rules, don’t forget about that!), that’s on you. You are a grownup. You can stand up and say “No, we don’t spank in this house, and I don’t want to play with you if you are going to behave that way,”

Yes, adult narcissists have worse tricks and traps for you; they may try and control your finances, your vehicle, your communication with others, etc. They may lie, trick, and gas-light you into believing that there is no-one and nothing for you once you walk out their door. But you always have the choice to leave the brat tea party whenever you decide that you have had enough nonsense.

There is no such thing as one adult having ‘total control’ over another adult. The choices you make may not be easy, and if you are with an abuser there is a significant threat of injury, harm or even death if you leave…but you do have choices. The narcissist is just very good at making you believe you have no choice but to comply with their sick world view and obey them in all things. There are always choices. 

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