evile

How will you know the difference between an empath with learned narcissistic traits and an actual narc?

Dan Savage, of the Savage Love advice column[1] and Savage Lovecast[2] podcast, has a wonderful turn of phrase when speaking about people in relationships. The person doesn’t have to be perfect, but they do have to be in "Good Working Order"—which means that they need to get their trauma and issues from any previous abusive relationships worked out before inflicting themselves on a new partner.

Bottom line: it doesn’t matter if someone treats you badly because their mom didn’t love them enough, or because their previous lover was a jerk, because they are a wounded empath or because they themselves are a narcissistic POS, the focus should always be on how they behave in their current relationship, toward their current friends and lovers, ie: YOU. If you are not being treated kindly and respectfully by someone, exit the relationship ASAP.

Another way to think of this: if you had a friend or loved one who was being treated the way you are being treated, what would you tell that friend? Sometimes it is easier to see things clearly if you can find a way to step back and see it in another light. Bottom line: no one is entitled to hurt others, and no one needs to stay in a relationship where they are being harmed. Tolerating abuse is not proof of the quality of your love and it won’t heal the person who is abusing you.

Footnotes

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Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

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