evile

Out of pure curiosity what type of things do narcissist say about you during a smear campaign?

Honestly? It doesn't matter. They'll say anything to get a reaction.

The best thing to remember when dealing with narcissists is that THEY LIE.

The next thing to remember is that EVERY ACCUSATION IS A CONFESSION.

So, in short, whatever they say about you is a lie.

Now, some narcs are clever enough to wrap up the lie around a small nugget of truth. If the first time they met you at a party and you had a drink in your hand, then the story they’ll tell is that you were “falling down drunk.” So, if you are trying to “fight fair,” (don’t bother) you’ll end up saying something that sounds like you are the one who is lying or trying to minimize your own bad behavior, such as “It’s true that we met at a mutual friends’ New Year's Eve party and I did have champagne, but I didn’t do what the narc said I did”…. all of that will end up making you look incredibly guilty, and like a liar. So don’t bother. Even though, if you are a good, honest and decent person, these accusations will offend you and make you feel a strong need to defend your good name, this will only give the narc more fuel for their fire.

The best thing to do (and it’s HARD!) is to just shrug and laugh it off.

The next trick in Narcy’s toolbox is the confession disguised as an accusation.

We may be familiar with a certain political figure accusing his opposition as rigging the election. When that person accuses others, they are actually confessing that their team attempted to rig the election, and he is basically just mad that it didn’t work to get him a win.

Likewise, when a narcissist accuses their partner of cheating, it is a good bet that the narcissist is the one cheating. If a narcissist boss accuses a coworker or subordinate of padding expense reports or embezzling, bingo, guess what? The boss is the one actually doing those things.

But do you really want to spend the time and energy tracking down all the clues and getting to the truth? Is it worth it? In some cases, such as when trying to preserve your career or going through divorce and child custody proceedings, it may be worth the fight. In most situations, however, it’s not really worth your time, energy, and mental health.

Which brings me to the last thing to consider when dealing with a narcissist is: HOW SOON CAN YOU GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON FOR GOOD?

Yes, it may be ‘interesting’ to live a life in which you are documenting every single thing you do and every single thing the narcissist does so that you don’t get blindsided and caught flat-footed when the latest vile accusation is flung your way, but is this really how you want to live the rest of your life? It sounds pretty exhausting and miserable to me. Better to leave the narcissist stewing in their barrel of filth all by themselves and not jump in with them.

Good luck!

=====================================================

Editing to add: Posts tagged 'quora' were originally my answers to peoples' questions on quora.com. They were monetized but I am giving them away for free here.

If you feel inclined to support my writing, here's my paypal

And if you prefer to pay it forward, I recommend Safe Place as an excellent place to support.