Quora: Why do victims of narcissists want to explain their side of things?

 Have you ever been accused of something you didn’t do? Not just something you didn’t do, but something so awful you’d never even thought about? Something so low down, dirty, disgusting, immoral and repugnant that it almost makes you sick to your stomach to think about?

And then, think about all the Narcissist’s little friends, flying monkeys, enablers, and poop-eaters who believe every single thing the Narcissist says. To think that not only are such horrible accusations being made about you, but that there is a whole group of people out there who believe it and repeat it freely…it is horrifying. It is disgusting and so unfair. You want to stand at the top of the highest mountain telling your truth, trying to make people believe and understand that you aren’t the godless monster that the Narc has portrayed you as.

It’s worse when the Narc has some real power in your life—if they are a coworker or supervisor, for example, or a highly placed member of your church community or a club or organization you’ve given many hours of your life to support. Suddenly, you learn this horrible thing the Narc has been saying about you and you look around yourself…does this person believe the Narc? Are they all secretly judging you and looking for signs that you are the depraved individual that the Narc has told them you are?

You can’t trust anyone, you can’t feel joy in your pursuits, your accomplishments at work, your creative endeavors….because you fear the person has secretly gone and poisoned everyone you know behind your back. They’re all just waiting to watch you slip up and Do The Thing that the Narcissist told them that you do—molest a kid, shoot up drugs, steal from old ladies, rob the collection plate, poop in someone’s flowerbed, whatever….

You desperately want to prove the Narc wrong, you want to clear your name, you want to show the world who the sick and evil one is…but unfortunately the Narcissist is such a master manipulator, their poison is spread so thick and so deeply in your community that literally every single thing you do or say to try and prove that you are not a bad person, is just twisted by the Narc into more “proof” that you ARE the bad person. Every attempt you make to clear your name or prove that the narc is the one who actually did the horrific thing is seen as  you 'gossiping,'  'making trouble' or 'stirring the pot'!  It is a horrible situation to find yourself in, and of course you want people to hear and believe your side of the story. But don’t bother because, in general, most people won’t. Once you’ve been the victim of a Narcissist’s smear campaign, you feel there is no way to ever be clean and decent in the eyes of the world ever again.

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