Quora: Don’t narcissists ever get tired of just using people as supply, just to see what they can ge

 

Don’t narcissists ever get tired of just using people as supply, just to see what they can get out of it? It seems like an exhausting, lonely way to live. Always having a false self. Or is it just all they know?

it is all they know, and unfortunately the disease won’t let them acknowledge any negative results from their own behavior—it’s always someone else’s fault and therefore they will never see things as they are and will never get any help or healing for the condition. (I say “never”—I mean “with few rare exceptions,” it isn’t very likely and it’s no reason to stick around and hope that maybe the narc you know and love will see the light, get help, and change.)

The good(?) news is that their minds and emotions are abnormal—things that are exhausting and frustrating for normal people are energizing and exciting for the narcissist. Consistency, routines, and habits that make your life comfortable and pleasant are like torture to a narcissist—they thrive on chaos. As an example, I’m thinking of the many narc abuse sessions I’ve witnessed where the narc screams , cries, makes accusastions, and generally behaves horribly…then, when their target finally snaps, melts down, and/or either lashes out physically or mentally, the narc goes coldly calm, maybe even gets a little smile on their face—because they forced a reaction from their prey, they got the drama, and they got that little nugget of truth that they can wrap their next bunch of lies and smears around, “S/he HIT me! (yelled at me, screamed and cried, etc.) In front of our ___ (kids, guests, parents, whatever horrified audience) S/he is a MONSTER, and therefore deserves every last slap, kick, punch, and act of betrayal I now choose to perpetrate,”

As far as being ‘lonely,’ well, sorry but a narc’s false self is all they feel they have in this world and anything like true intimacy and being known and loved for exactly who you are is a threatening concept to them. Don’t you dare try to get behind the curtain of the Great and Powerful Oz show! Your role in the narc’s life is to  sit down, shut up, applaud when commanded, or to be the villain in the story.

All of this madness is the narcissist’s milk and cookies; they love it. Don’t ever make the mistake of trying to put yourself in their shoes or understand their point of view—their minds and feelings are not motivated by the same things as yours. Your attempts to see their life as bleak, exhausting, and lonely are what such a life would feel like to you, as a normal person. The narcissist is not normal. They view every good thing about you as weakness to be despised or stupidity to be exploited. Your empathy and compassion are wasted on trying to understand or be kind to such a person. Leave them to their life, and go on about your own.

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