One last post on _Feeling Good Together_

So...what it boils down to is:

LISTENING SKILLS
1. The Disarming Technique [Agree with your attacker.]



2. Empathy- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see the world through their eyes.

Thought empathy [repeat what the other person said, so that they'll know you got the message]


Feeling empathy [acknowledge how the other person is probably feeling, given what they've just said to you]



3. Inquiry: You ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about what the other person is thinking and feeling.


SELF-EXPRESSION SKILLS

4. I “feel” statements: Shift to “I feel” rather than “you” statements. i.e. “you’re wrong” or “You make me furious!”


5. Stroking: You find something genuinely positive to say to the other person even in the heat of battle. You convey an attitude of respect, even though you may feel very angry with the other person. [you do not have to be fake or lie, you CAN acknowledge your feelings of anger, hurt, and disappointment, without turning it into an attack or counter-attack]

====================

& good luck remembering to do any of these things when you're very hurt or angry.

Which is why I, personally, tend to shut down and/or walk away when people offend me. For me, silence is preferable to yelling or crying. But, of course, the hours/days/weeks/ months/years of stewing, rehashing in my own mind, grudge-holding, 'shoulda-coulda-woulda' that I put myself thru after the fact, are NOT healthy or productive.

*sigh*

I have all these good theoretical tools at hand. Putting them into use will be challenging.