Nov. 5th, 2005

evile: (declutter)

    5 Nov. 12:52 pm

     

     

    That didn't go so well.

    So, this morning, e (miracle of miracles) was free for yoga. I
    talked to [Cousin B] last night and he was hanging with friends so didn't
    spend the night Friday like he usually does when we go to yoga early
    Saturday, but I went and got him this a.m.

    (Since I didn't have anyone to go with, I skipped the dinner and
    bellydancing at Pyramids. I feel bad and stupid for that)

    I took him to class and we got there about 20 minutes early. I asked
    him if he thought he'd learned anything from being suspended from
    school. [Aunt L] bought him a CD and a concert ticket for next weekend.
    His classmates treated him like a fallen hero when he went back to
    school Friday, so I said something like "so I guess the answer's no on
    that" or something like that. I asked him how he would deal with it if
    he had some pissant middle management suspend him from work without
    pay for a day and a half. He told me he'd had a job before, he knew
    what real life was, and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore
    because it was upsetting him. I said OK, I just really didn't want him
    to turn out spoiled rotten like others in this family I could name.

    After class, on the way to Core I, he said he wanted to talk to me
    about what I said in Yoga. He told me he didn't appreciate being
    spoken to condescendingly and he never wanted me to say "did you learn
    your lesson" EVER again. He said he knew all about the real world,
    he's been living in it for 17 years. He's worked, he's been in the
    real world, he knows how it is. His tone of voice and choice of words
    was amazingly like that of my brother [brother A]. He also said that whether
    or not he was turning into a brat was his business and his issue, not
    mine, and was not up for discussion ever again.

    I said OK and thanked him for sharing his thoughts and feelings with
    me. I told him I had not intended to be condescending...and that's
    about all I could think of to say.

    Later on, I asked if he wanted to go to Onyxxlynx's thing at Club DeVille,
    he said he had plans, then I asked if he wanted to go to the Celtic
    festival, and he said no, and after class he didn't even want to go
    get something to eat with me.

    So...yeah. That went great.

    There went my last chance at any decent relationship with any male in
    my family. There went my last shot at redemption.

    Annnnnnd....(selfish, I know) there went my runnin' buddy. I have to
    get used to doing everything alone again. Bellydance shows, celtic
    festival, every faire but TRF, etc etc etc. Alone alone alone. I hate
    being alone. But I am apparently the kind of person who isn't any good
    one on one with people , and I don't know how to fix it, so I just
    need to get used to being alone.

    I don't know if I fucked it up or if he is just too far gone into
    spoiled brat little prince goldensprog can do no wrong syndrome or what.

    I feel like total shit.

    On the plus side, when I got home, my stuff from we3 bellydance was
    here, and Sweetie was working on the Vanagon.

    I think I"ll get a shower and go on to the Celtic fest. Say hi to
    Knighthorse and Kulilinei and Kat and Markus.

    That will be fun, once I get there.

    *sigh*

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