3743the end of me and [Cousin B] being close

5 Nov. 12:52 pm

 

 

That didn't go so well.

So, this morning, e (miracle of miracles) was free for yoga. I
talked to [Cousin B] last night and he was hanging with friends so didn't
spend the night Friday like he usually does when we go to yoga early
Saturday, but I went and got him this a.m.

(Since I didn't have anyone to go with, I skipped the dinner and
bellydancing at Pyramids. I feel bad and stupid for that)

I took him to class and we got there about 20 minutes early. I asked
him if he thought he'd learned anything from being suspended from
school. [Aunt L] bought him a CD and a concert ticket for next weekend.
His classmates treated him like a fallen hero when he went back to
school Friday, so I said something like "so I guess the answer's no on
that" or something like that. I asked him how he would deal with it if
he had some pissant middle management suspend him from work without
pay for a day and a half. He told me he'd had a job before, he knew
what real life was, and that he didn't want to talk about it anymore
because it was upsetting him. I said OK, I just really didn't want him
to turn out spoiled rotten like others in this family I could name.

After class, on the way to Core I, he said he wanted to talk to me
about what I said in Yoga. He told me he didn't appreciate being
spoken to condescendingly and he never wanted me to say "did you learn
your lesson" EVER again. He said he knew all about the real world,
he's been living in it for 17 years. He's worked, he's been in the
real world, he knows how it is. His tone of voice and choice of words
was amazingly like that of my brother [brother A]. He also said that whether
or not he was turning into a brat was his business and his issue, not
mine, and was not up for discussion ever again.

I said OK and thanked him for sharing his thoughts and feelings with
me. I told him I had not intended to be condescending...and that's
about all I could think of to say.

Later on, I asked if he wanted to go to Onyxxlynx's thing at Club DeVille,
he said he had plans, then I asked if he wanted to go to the Celtic
festival, and he said no, and after class he didn't even want to go
get something to eat with me.

So...yeah. That went great.

There went my last chance at any decent relationship with any male in
my family. There went my last shot at redemption.

Annnnnnd....(selfish, I know) there went my runnin' buddy. I have to
get used to doing everything alone again. Bellydance shows, celtic
festival, every faire but TRF, etc etc etc. Alone alone alone. I hate
being alone. But I am apparently the kind of person who isn't any good
one on one with people , and I don't know how to fix it, so I just
need to get used to being alone.

I don't know if I fucked it up or if he is just too far gone into
spoiled brat little prince goldensprog can do no wrong syndrome or what.

I feel like total shit.

On the plus side, when I got home, my stuff from we3 bellydance was
here, and Sweetie was working on the Vanagon.

I think I"ll get a shower and go on to the Celtic fest. Say hi to
Knighthorse and Kulilinei and Kat and Markus.

That will be fun, once I get there.

*sigh*