Oct. 28th, 2005

evile: (clutter)

 

    Oct. 28, 2005

     

     

    after Sweetie's "why should you care?" and my own revelation that sineater
    pointedly not speaking to me isn't all that much different from sineater
    being on good terms with me and not having the time/inclination to
    make contact. I still love him, but I've minimized his presence in my
    life because I can't stand his relationship with his wife, and that's
    his priority, so I respect it but I don't want any part of it.

    Fuck this madness. I can't understand the kind of crazy thinking that
    holds me responsible for other people's actions, simply because we
    are acquainted.

    ==================================

    evile (bramblekite) wrote,
    @ 2005-10-28 16:24:00





    Current mood: confused
    Entry tags: pts

    I'm still here.
    sineater

    {edit 10/28} I am not going away...and I would like to know what
    you're trying, judging and condemning me for.

    (and incidentally, it doesn't make a goddamn lick of sense to hold ME
    responsible for the actions, thoughts, words, and feelings of ANYONE
    who isn't ME.)

    ---------------------------

    skye_ds says you're mad at me.

    I'm here if you want to talk.

    {edit 10/13}

    Apparently the story is that I talked with 'someone' yesterday and
    used the words 'abuse' 'torture' 'polygamy' 'nazi' and 'ex wife' in
    reference to you and skye_ds.

    Yesterday:

    At work from 7:29-3:29. Did not speak to anyone on the bus ride to
    work, nor engage in conversation with coworkers once I arrived.

    ICQ with skye_ds and my friend Kahlua, whom you don't know,and you
    were not a topic of conversation.

    LJ entries: one with quizzes, one a private post

    Bus Home. Again, no interaction with fellow passengers regarding my
    family or anything else.

    Checked on Sweetie, who has been sick.

    Shower and change clothes

    [aunt L] and [uncle B]'s. Visited with [uncle B], his brother Jim, [aunt L], and [Cousin B].
    Your names did not come up.

    7-8: [Cousin B] and I went to Krav Maga class. Too busy breathing and trying
    to learn new moves to talk.

    Back to L&B's, walked with [Cousin B] for about an hour, again, you were not
    a topic.

    Home, changed the sheets, went to bed. Did not even DREAM about you
    or skye_ds.

    So, that was my yesterday. I had no phone calls, no emails, no
    conversations regarding you and skye_ds AT ALL.

    I can't even believe I'm telling you all this, but I am kind of mad.
    I'm trying VERY hard to get along with y'all and not make any
    trouble, and I'm still getting fucked here. If I'm going to be in
    trouble, ANYWAY, I'd rather have done something 'bad' first, ya know?

    I am terribly sad that someone needs to make their lives more
    interesting by trying to hurt poeple, and you know I've done and said
    enough in the past that nobody would need to make anything up or dig
    too hard to find hurtful things if they wnated to dredge them up a-
    fucking-GAIN. So don't let whoever this is be putting words in my
    mouth. You want me to say some shit for you to be pissed off at me
    about, talk to me directly and I'll say it mydamnself.

    Also, if you didn't know, it stresses skye_ds out to have to hear
    about all your anger towards people whom you then don't speak with or
    confront directly. It's not fair to put people in the middle like
    that, and you know that. If you have no respect or regard for me,
    then at least please show some for your legal spouse and stop
    upsetting her with your anger at people who are not her.

evile: (clutter)

 

    Oct. 28, 2005

     

     

    skye_ds (skye_ds) wrote,
    @ 2005-10-18 16:56:00





    DailyOM - Negative Vibrations

    October 18, 2005
    Avoiding Negative Vibrations
    Taking On The Energy Of Others

    There are times when you may find that being around certain
    individuals or groups of people leaves you with feelings of
    discomfort. It may be that spending time with a particular friend
    feels draining or that dealing with a specific coworker exhausts you.
    Being around toxic or angry people is also draining. And you may even
    find that being surrounded by a crowd of people lowers your energy
    levels rather than perks you up. This is not that unusual. Each of us
    radiates energy and is capable of being influenced by the energy of
    other people. It is important to learn how to shield yourself, so you
    don't unknowingly take on someone else's energy. While some people
    know how to instinctively protect themselves from being adversely
    affected by energy, most of us need to discover and practice the
    technique that works best.

    There are a number of ways to avoid being affected by people's
    energy. Shielding is one preventative technique you can use. Center
    yourself and envision being enveloped in a cocoon of loving and
    protective light. This protective layer should allow you to
    consciously regulate the energy around you. The intent to shield
    oneself is all you need for this technique to work. You can even
    create a trigger word to assist you in quickly creating a shield. Say
    this word each time you create a new shield, until the word and the
    shield become automatically associated in your mind. If you run into
    a person whose energy you find draining, you may want to cleanse your
    own energy field after your encounter. Sage, cold showers, singing,
    mineral water baths, spending time in nature, and a simple break to
    recharge are all ways to accomplish this.

    While it is important to know how to shield yourself from energy,
    there are those energies that you may not want to shut out. The
    energy of laughter from a newborn baby, the feeling of joy radiating
    from someone in love, and the frequency of calm emanating from an
    enlightened teacher are just some of the energies coming from others
    that you may want to have around you.

 
evile: (clutter)

    Oct. 28, 2005

     

     

    --- [K/mom] wrote:

    Anything forthcoming on the musical play front?

    From J-Law?

    Did you get my letter? I mailed it to the house, I
    think, so you wouldn't have to go to the PO.

    Is it so awful you don't want to say anything
    unkind?

    [aunt L] sent pics of Sadie. She looks just like [brother A]
    did--the sleepy eyes, the nose, the
    expressions--except she has dark hair and eyebrows.
    Speaking of eyebrows, Holly has some now. How'd
    that
    happen?

    I got $$$ today from subbing. Got to go cash my
    check. Love, Mom

    ==============================
    Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 09:22:28 -0700 (PDT)

    Subject: Re: too funny
    To: "[K/mom]


    I got your letter yesterday. We went to fajita nite
    w/[aunt L], [Cousin B], and Father Jim, so I haven't had time to
    work on it. What is the deadline on this?

    J-Law hasn't gotten back to me on any good French
    cusses.
    I'll remind her.

    I don't really want to know anything about [brother A] or his
    life. I'm sorry, I just can't help but think and say
    negative things that upset you, so I'd rather just
    avoid the whole topic, please.

evile: (clutter)

    Oct. 28, 2005

     

     

    Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 10:27:12 -0700 (PDT)

    To: "J-Law”

    People ar fuckin' with me today.

    sineater is apparently mad at me for something UB's ex
    posted in LJ (CRAZY!!!!!!)

    Mom emailed me and talked about what [the rubber pig]'s youngest
    baby looks like, just like [brother A], bla bla, and I once
    again had to put my foot down and tell her that I am
    sorry, but I just don't want to hear anything about
    [brother A] and [the rubber pig] & the kids. All I do is say and think
    negative things, and all that does is hurt her
    feelings, so can we please just not fuckin' talk about
    it anymore???

    UGH.

    She also sent me part of a play she's writing and
    wants me to spice it up with 'gothic romance' type
    wording...I dont' read those, I have no clue.

    Also she's still pestering about French cusses.

    *sigh*

    And I am having phone duty from HELL. Thank goddess
    I'm leaving at 2 today, I can't take this crap.

evile: (clutter)

    Oct. 28, 2005

     

     

    evile: tGIF, baybeeeee! Phone duty from HECK
    SkyeDS: nods. tedious stuff today.
    evile: I had a caller, nicest guy in the world, english NOT his first
    language, we both got very frustrated.
    evile: Oh well, less than 1.5 hours and I'm gone for the weekend.
    eyes on the prize :)
    SkyeDS: nodnods
    evile: Enjoyed a greatly successful evening wearing my new jeans, new
    pink lacey froufrou underthings (and getting out of them) :)
    evile: I mailed [G/stepdad/sineater's dad]'s card & present yesterday, emailed him this
    a.m. and hopefully will find/make time to call him later today.
    SkyeDS: nod. I'm going to remind sineater, he might not need it, but
    better safe than sorry. He's had a surfeit on his mind lately
    evile: *nod*
    evile: That kind of stuff is far more important to him than [G/stepdad/sineater's dad] lets
    on.
    SkyeDS: I know he's long since had [G/stepdad/sineater's dad]'s presents and stuff, I think
    it's just a matter of making sure they get to him
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I hope Roboho doesn't take issue with my answer to her
    question in my LJ
    evile: ?
    SkyeDS: she asked me how do you convince a horse you're boss
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: and I explained that you don't, but what you do instead, and
    why
    evile: I don't think she's used to dealing with creating win-win
    situations. Her own personal life seems to be a series of contests of
    will, which she MUST win at all costs.
    SkyeDS: well, she'll have to get over that if she really wants to ride
    evile: *shrug* I've long since quit bothering with her.
    evile: Today has been a lovely day of boundary testing. kaleon tried
    to drag me into some drama, Mom tried to talk to me about the Pig's
    youngest child...ugh.
    evile: I asked kaleon to unfriend me in LJ. I can't stop him from
    reading me, but I've never friended him back, and I can certainly
    limit my public posts to non-drama-creating items.
    SkyeDS: kaleon doesn't seem to understand the words "move on." Which
    I have, but anyway.
    SkyeDS: what is with your Mom and [the rubber pig]? I thought she was done :(
    evile: Mom was telling me about the baby,and seeing pictures, and bla
    bla, and I just can't take that. I can't. I'm sorry, it's not the
    kids fault, but I can't
    SkyeDS: why is it that common sense is so f'ing uncommon?
    SkyeDS: why would you encourage yourself to become attached when
    there's nothing you can do?
    evile: exactly.
    evile: Why, yes, Mom, I'd love to put my hand in the blender and let
    [the rubber pig] turn it on.
    SkyeDS: as for the other...what did he think was going to happen when
    he is constantly claiming sineater's place (as my husband) and then
    sineater's artwork as his own?
    SkyeDS: although I find it amusing truly that sineater got more upset at
    the artwork than the other ROFL, I know, I'm easily amused
    evile: I don't have a clue about any of that...I really actually
    don't.
    SkyeDS: I wish folks (kaleon, your Mom, everyone else) would just
    *think* every now and again
    SkyeDS: like, with the logical parts of their brains, and not
    whatever other part of their anatomies theyy're thinking with (or not)
    evile: Well, and with Mom, why set me up? Tell me about [brother A]'s latest
    fuck up trainwreck bullshit and I can't help but feel angry and
    negative...she has told me she doesn't care to hear my negative
    opinions, so why does she bring him and his life up?
    evile: I don't have anything nice to say, I don't want to say
    anything at all. But if that's all you'll fucking talk about, what am
    I supposed to do?
    SkyeDS: nods (been there done that many tshirts). I have no answer,
    only empathy and sympathy.
    evile: kaleon sent me this faux-sympathetic thing because of
    the 'happy birthday' I posted to [brother A] on the 26th. He assumed it was
    for sineater.
    SkyeDS: because, you know, "A" ... as in "Brother A" stands for sineater
    SkyeDS: sineater starts with the letter A
    evile: *shrug* he doesn't know me, or anything about me, and just
    keeps on making assumptions and trying to get me in shit with y'all.
    And I am working VERY hard on staying OUT of shit with y'all.
    SkyeDS: I figured he thought all that abuse stuff you posted for [brother A]
    was really for sineater
    SkyeDS: he didn't start with the "abuse" and "torture" language until
    after that
    SkyeDS: pointyheaded, I believe you called it ;)
    evile: If y'all are going to be pissed off at me, I'd just as soon
    have you pissed off at me for something I actually did or said, not
    some ASSholes ASSumptions.
    SkyeDS: I can't control sineater's emotions. He can't control them
    either for that matter. But you need not worry about me.
    evile: *nod*
    evile: I shouldn't let it get to me.Some people just have an
    exagerated sense of their own importance...I dont' have the time or
    energy for the grandiose machinations people are attributing to me.
    SkyeDS: I know he feels that any relationship with you and kaleon is
    like him still being cordial with Xtal.
    SkyeDS: I told him, well, if you feel that way, maybe you should say
    that, I'm s ure she'd understand that.
    SkyeDS: something tells me he didn't, did he
    evile: what 'relationship' is all i fuckin wanna know.
    SkyeDS: kaleon has been bandying about that you hug him, call him
    honey, etc
    evile: I can't control who has me friended on LJ or, to some extent,
    who posts in my LJ
    evile: I haven't seen him since he lived in Austin. When we were
    friends, I certainly did, but that's been...what? 2-3 years?
    SkyeDS: I think he's trying to get at me
    SkyeDS: but all he's succeeding in doing is pissing sineater off
    SkyeDS: not a bright boy <Shrugs>
    evile: well, whatever. If sineater wants to give kaleon that kind of
    power, that's sad, but his business.
    SkyeDS: well, I don't understand why he's still showboating to get my
    attention.
    evile: Likewise, if he'd rather believe a stranger than family, it's
    hurtful as hell, but I suppose I deserve it. No matter how much I
    behave now, it'll never erase the famous Scorpio grudge.
    SkyeDS: he isn't going to get it.
    SkyeDS: I don't read his journal, I don't care if he reads mine, I
    know he does (counters tell you that kind of t hing and he isn't
    smart enough to hide his isp)
    SkyeDS: I'm not going to friends only my LJ because he's reading it
    SkyeDS: and i'm not going to censor what I say so t hat he doesn't
    take it personally
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: I don't personally choose to react the way sineater has. But
    then, my place hasn't been usurped nor my talent laid claim to, and I
    understand why sineater feels and does what he does.
    SkyeDS: that's the way he's made.
    SkyeDS: it isn't the way I'm made.
    SkyeDS: and kaleon's cruisin for a bruisin if he doesn't stop
    <shrugs> but then he knows that, he's been here and done this
    before.
    evile: *shrug* and either of them laying any of this at my doorstep
    is giving me much power and credit that is not mine. I could give a
    shit, really.
    SkyeDS: peckerlength competition ya think?
    SkyeDS: I think, when sineater gets to t he point of hunting him down to
    kill him, maybe I won't stop him this time. That would certainly be
    one effective way (if not my preferred way) of ending the drama.
    evile: they can wag their weiners all they want at one another, just
    leave me the hell out of it. I have this thing called a life and
    these cool folks called friends, and I don't care to give my time or
    energy to that kind of nonsense.
    evile: As I told sineater, if you have the time/energy to dig so hard for
    stuff to fight with people about, you must be doing very well and
    I'm happy for that, even if I'm sad that you're mad at me.
    SkyeDS: I told him if he wanted you to understand where he was coming
    from (silly me, I get hung up on communicating doncha know) that he
    should tell you what he told me about it being like the situation
    with Xtal.
    evile: *shrug* I'm sorry he feels that way, but as you say, it's for
    him to discuss with me.
    SkyeDS: I should know by now to keep my gemini communicating self out
    of shit
    evile: being misunderstood and/or blamed for things that aren't mine,
    make me want to overcommunicate. Be mad at me, fine, but do it for
    the right reasons.
    SkyeDS: please don't take this personally or intended as offense, it
    is just my observation that the Stephan family does not appreciate
    communication.
    evile: *shrug*
    evile: I'm not a Stephan, why would that offend me?
    SkyeDS: I just figured it would probably come across the wrong way
    SkyeDS: I do that often ya know
    SkyeDS: ok, I'm sorry, but I'm still laughing about Brother A = sineater,
    and sineater's birthday isn't till next Friday (what a dumbshit) ROFL
    evile: You're entitled to your opinion, and I think you're right.
    It's pretty hard to communicate with a person who is standing there
    with their hands over their ears screaming 'la la la' which is pretty
    much how I feel whenever I try to deal w/sineater
    evile: I still love him, would do anything for him, but for my sanity
    and happiness, I can't be involved in his life or these needless
    fights he seems to pick with people
    SkyeDS: I suppose it would be feeding the trolls to post how funny I
    think that is in my LJ
    SkyeDS: I know, bad Skye, bad. I won't do it, but it's funny to
    think about it all the same.
    SkyeDS: "oops! did I say that outloud? was that my outside voice?
    I'm s orry, I have Tourettes, you must forgive me." ;P ROFL
    evile: I told kaleon he needed to not assume things, and then he
    decided to throw ancient history in my face (because there is no
    CURRENT history, do you understand) and at that point I said, "can
    you please unfriend me?"
    SkyeDS: he has diarrhea of the mouth disease...otherwise known as
    open mouth before engaging brain disease
    SkyeDS: the w hole reason sineater thinks that there is current
    relationship is because kaleon told him so
    evile: whatever.
    evile: You can't prove a negative, and I'm not going to give him any
    more ammo if I can help it.
    SkyeDS: nevermind that kaleon is not a trustworthy source of
    information, as I thought was well established, but what do I know
    SkyeDS: I need one of those trendy black tshirts with white writing
    that says I don't know, and I didn't do it
    SkyeDS: I told you about running into a complete stranger who is part
    of Rockdale's Roping Circle that told me that everyone in t he entire
    Circle knows I'm a bitch for a proven fact even though none of them
    have ever met me?
    evile: that's unfortunate.
    SkyeDS: so I guess I can't wear my desired "not a bitch, The Bitch,
    and that's MS BITCH to you" tshirt
    evile: if that's not a label you wish people to apply to you, you
    probably shouldn't apply it to yoruself, no.
    SkyeDS: the whole thing is just too fucking funny (because I'd rather
    laugh than cry or be angry about it)
    SkyeDS: you talk about [brother A] being abused, kaleon assumes you're
    talking about sineater, and of course if sineater is abused, t hen kaleon was
    abused, and then he tells Chris Loy that I'm torturing sineater
    SkyeDS: and she believes an ex that I left what, three times? I lost
    count
    evile: *shrug* and all of this is my fault, HOW?
    SkyeDS: and she says she wants to believe it isn't true but does she
    ask sineater, who would know better than kaleon?
    SkyeDS: of course not
    evile: So people need to leave me the hell out of it.
    SkyeDS: I've already told him that because these people choose to
    make you a hub doesn't mean you chose to be a hub willingly
    evile: I am nice to chrisloy becuase we have friends and groups in
    common.
    evile: kaleon has me friended on his LJ, I have ZERO control over who
    friends me. there are complete strangers I've never met who have
    friended me. Who knows why?
    SkyeDS: this is turning into that game in school where you whisper
    one thing into someone's ear, it goes around the classroom and is
    something completely different at the end.
    evile: Well, I want out of it. I don't have the time,energy, or
    inclination to devote to participating in The Crazy.
    evile: If sineater feels he has the time and energy to give to those
    people and fighting and fussing, that's fine. But I don't.
    SkyeDS: I think he was doing a good job (for him anyway) of ignoring
    it, until the artwork thing.
    evile: I honestly can't tell you the last time I talked to either
    CHris or kaleon, Or Kili, for that matter
    SkyeDS: But that's just too close to his heart.
    evile: *nod*
    SkyeDS: every time he gets depressed, he goes to ritually sacrifice
    his art, and I have to stop him (because that of course is ridiculous)
    evile: [brother A] used to do the same
    SkyeDS: that's like me saying, I'm depressed, so I'm going to burn
    all my music books and my piano in a big bonfire and then kill my
    children
    evile: preaching to the choir.
    SkyeDS: I am happy to see that he is embracing his art again ( you
    should see the leatherwork he did recently, and I think you saw the
    dragon he did for faire)
    evile: nope.
    SkyeDS: he painted a dragon on 24 x 36 cardboard that hobby lobby
    puts behind its posters
    SkyeDS: and it was awesome
    evile: cool.
    SkyeDS: anyway, I'm glad he's embracing his art again, I just think
    that part of that is that kaleon went too far this time
    SkyeDS: and I'm happy to see the good, even if the bad comes with it.
    evile: *nod* It's better to channel your energy into creative things
    SkyeDS: and if *I* were anything like what I'm reputed to be, I would
    be pissed by now that sineater got pissed over artwork and not over being
    usurped as my husband ROFL
    evile: One is probably more provable than the other, objectively and
    in court and such.
    SkyeDS: some women would be pissed that a man's artwork was seemingly
    more important to him than his wife.
    SkyeDS: and I am said to be one of those women LOL
    evile: I grew up in a household where Art was always more important
    than people/relationships, so that just doesn't seem wierd to me, at
    all.
    SkyeDS: one of these days, the lies are going to come back to haunt
    him.
    SkyeDS: sooner or later
    SkyeDS: probably sooner as egregious as he's been about it
    SkyeDS: and anyone who on the strength of what he says online
    believes that we were married, that I abused him (particularly after
    he abused me to the point of having sineater and sonar0m call the cops on
    him more than once)
    evile: I just wish he'd get therapy, get help, be happy with his own
    life and achievements, and not have to waste so much time and energy
    on fighting to make himself feel worthwhile.
    SkyeDS: or any other silly thing he says, is going to get what they
    deserve for their stupidity too
    SkyeDS: I don't understand why there are so many women who believe
    him a nd are seemingly turned on by this, but whatever.
    evile: As entertainingly trainwrecky as it is, I'm not reading his
    LJs anymore, even if he keeps me friended.
    evile: And no matter how sad and pathetic he is, I won't chip in with
    any words of encouragement.
    SkyeDS: I will be the first to admit that it was very hard to not
    look at his LJ when I was bored.
    SkyeDS: because it IS ROFL funny
    SkyeDS: but it is just, I don't know what words to use, because sad,
    pathetic, whatever, just aren't enough, but yeah, those things, that
    he reads my LJ and thinks I read his, or that I still give a damn.
    evile: I have better things to do with myself. I'm sorry as hell if
    sineater is upset, because I love him...but I am not going to be in the
    middle of any of that silly stuff.
    SkyeDS: I understand now that he thinks the readings I do for people
    who wish to remain anonymous are all about him
    SkyeDS: give it long enough, sineater will find something else to be
    upset about, a nd forget about all this.
    SkyeDS: that's what usually happens anyway
    evile: yup
    evile: and, honesty, the silent treatment from sineater is not all that
    different from 'normal relationship with sineater'...so *shrug*
    SkyeDS: it woudl be very bad and troll feeding to poke public fun of
    someone who thinks that sineater starts with A
    SkyeDS: very bad
    SkyeDS: back AWAY from the keyboard.
    SkyeDS: I can resist anything! (but temptation :P)
    evile: I think you have better things to do with your time. Nose
    hairs or toenails to attend to, perhaps?
    SkyeDS: I know.
    SkyeDS: no kitty on the keys, no no no
    evile: It takes a longer for satisfaction for being a mature
    responsible adult to set in, than it does to indulge in childish
    spitefulness, but in the long run, it *does* feel better. I know.
    I've been there, done that.
    SkyeDS: eventually I'll get some other irresponsible urge and forget
    about this one
    SkyeDS: although I can be very singleminded for an easily distracted
    double gem. But then I do have as much earth in my chart as air,
    almost as many of my signs are in Taurus as in anything else.
    SkyeDS: what aggravates me is, I thought that's part of what my LJ
    was for, indulging myself in things I shouldn't express elsewhere.
    SkyeDS: I hate not being able to say what I want when I want because
    somebody else is being pointyheaded.
    evile: yeah, but then friends lock it, silly-head.
    evile: or mark it 'private'
    SkyeDS: <pouts> but that's no fun <slides outside of arm's length>
    evile: Your friends are the only ones who will laugh and appreciate
    it ANYWAY, so why not friends lock stuff that will only be drama-
    fodder if left public, is the way I see it.
    SkyeDS: no wonder people get mad at me for being the voice of reason
    all the time
    SkyeDS: :P
    evile: And of course I friends lock everythign about 'where I'm going
    and what I'm doing'
    SkyeDS: reason sucks :P
    evile: most of the time, yup
    evile: well, I'm going to run past the girls room before I clock out,
    so I'm gone. Y'all have a good weekend.
    SkyeDS: I know that this is not a laughing matter to you or sineater, and
    I'm not trying to be insensitive
    SkyeDS: I just think the whole thing is funny
    SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
    evile: I'm sure it'll be funny to me after a while too. :) see ya!

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